Number of Partners

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2003
Number of Partners
40
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 6:27am
How many is too many partners in a lifetime for women? Are there stats on the average number of partners per women versus men? Do the experiences (long term relationships vs. one night stands) make a difference in someone's perspective?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 7:23am
I don't see how you can put a number on how many is *too many*, where do you draw a line.

bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 8:32am
You're the only judge of how many are too many for you, no one else is. It's no one else's business how many partners you've had. If a man that you're with asks how many, he's rude and insecure, and too nosey for his own good. If you're asked, the only thing you need to say is that you're not a virgin any longer. No one has the right to judge you about it!

There are people who would say that two is too many. There are others who've probably lost count. Whether your numbers are 5, 10, 50 or 100, you can't go back and change it, and whatever your past experiences were, they've made you what you are today. Numbers mean nothing.

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 2:00pm
Greentea, we`ll agree to disagree here. Ive seen too many people whos past experiences really have them messed up still today. Some people can learn from their past and some cant. Many people I know who were very permiscous never learned from it. It only skewed their ability to differentiate love from sex. Not everyone who acted that way comes out unscathed. Maybe you were one of those people who had a lot of sexual partners and are no worse for the wear, but many people who are already a little off, really get screwed up by all those experiences.In sociology, and psycology classes they teach that that behavior is performed by particular personality types. Some come out of it fine , while others dont.

Its my contention that if I am going to enter into a commited relationship with an individual, Im entitled to know about their past. If they dont feel its appropreate to tell me then they may be hiding something, or maybe are embarrassed to admit they acted that way. In either case Its my right to know so that I know what kind of person Im falling for. Of course there are variables involved. examples..how long ago did this all take place, any long term relationships since etc.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2003
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 2:57pm
Apparently, we're wired to be both promiscuous and monogomous. Men would most likely have the higher numbers, because they're usually less discretionary(do not necessarily have to be attracted), whereas women look for attraction.

http://my.webmd.com/content/article/72/81710.htm?z=2953_00000_0000_f1_09

I grew up in the "free love" generation, so numbers were expected to be high for both men and women. It wasn't something that was ever spoke about so it wasn't used to determine character. We considered it private information, and no one's business.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2004
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 3:34pm
I accept your decision to disagree.....;-) To each his own. "Promiscuous" has nothing to do with numbers as far as I'm concerned. It has more to do with attitude & morals....and being sexually active isn't necessarily "immoral".

So what you're saying is that if you met a great woman, decided she was the one for you, if she then told you she went thru a period of "experimentation", had a lot of one-night stands (possibly hoping they wouldn't BE one night only) that would be a deal breaker? If you know her well enough to want to commit to her......you couldn't do that because she's had too many partners, in your estimation? What you're saying is that people don't learn from their mistakes, if indeed they WERE mistakes?

I've never even had a man ask me how many partners I've had. I'm an adult, WELL over the age of consent, I was married for 20 years...and divorced for a lot longer. It's a given......I've had multiple partners. Does that make me not worthy of a good man eventually? I may have had multiple partners, and some of them weren't "relationships", but when I was IN a relationship, I never so much as LOOKED at another man.

It can be a two edged sword. If I met Mr. Wonderful, and he wanted numbers and details, it would be a deal breaker for me. Because it doesn't matter what I did in my past, all that matters is what I do in THIS relationship.....and I would never do anything that would hurt him or the relationship.

Also, why is it "cool" for a guy to have all the sex he wants......that makes him "experienced", but the same doesn't hold true for a woman?

Not disagreeing with you, just trying to understand why you feel a person can't be sexually active at one point in life, and then become a loving AND faithful partner. You COULD look at it as "they got it out of their system"!

No doubt, as you said, some people are "messed up" by their past, but they were messed up to start with, I'm sure.

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anonymous user
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 5:29pm
good post green tea..Like I said, not everyone comes out of the "wild" times harmed. but the fact remains many do. I also mentioned the are variables...Lets say a woman had 15 partners in a relatively short period of time in college, after college she left that all behind and she changed her ways, had a couple long term relationships,,(maybe they didnt work out , no big deal) ...in a case like that its understandable, she was young, immature, naieve. But she learned thats not the way she wants to be and she changes her ways... To me thats acceptable.. But take a person that is in their mid thirties or even older and they are still jumpimg from bed to bed ..only after lust..thats a different situation altogether in my eyes. to me there is a personality flaw there, how serious is it ..who knows ..but in the past Ive know people like that and were a sure fire bet they would fail miserably in a relationship. (IN SOME CASES) peoples past is a window to their future.. (again In some cases)I could meet a person whom I thought was a really nice cool altogether person. But that doesnt mean they are..maybe just putting on the good side .

If a person wont reviel their past then there is a problem...a relationship is based on honesty. If the "past" was a long time ago then it is definately in the past.. they have had time to change and find out whats really important to them... More recent behavior is more of a true indicator.
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 5:36pm
This is a morality question, and we can't decide for anyone but ourselves how that's defined. For me, it's not so much a number but a way of thinking and a way of life.
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anonymous user
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 5:41pm
I dont believe in the double standard.... It not right for men to behave that way either.

I am one who learned from my mistakes, so is my darling wife...I konw its possible to learn from mistakes..but many dont. Read the triangle posts ..shes one example of what im talking about. Its not the fact that people have many many sexual partners that is the problem..its the additude, life style and all the wrong messiages sent and learned by the activity.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2004
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 5:52pm
Too many for what? Why does it matter?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2004
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 6:00pm

But take a person that is in their mid thirties or even older and they are still jumpimg from bed to bed ..only after lust..thats a different situation altogether in my eyes. to me there is a personality flaw there,


You mean a personality flaw like maybe they enjoy sex but haven't found the right partner yet?


I think the "damaged"

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martinisnsushi - the two most important food groups!

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