-------Sticky Triangle-----

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2004
-------Sticky Triangle-----
89
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 9:46am
Let me start with the history of this story. My coworker (L) and I have been secretly seeing eachother on the side for a few months now. I was initially attracted to her, she's beautiful, but never thought it would go anywhere as previous to this I have only been with men. She brought it to my attention that she is open in her taste, and after a little talking, and a little drinking, I decided to go ahead and sleep with her. It was the best sex I've ever had, and I never looked back. So we have now been seeing each other on a regular basis without anyone knowing. That pretty much brings us up to date.

Ok so, a little while ago my coworker and I decided to go out to the bars. Her husband decided to come at the last minute. I had met her husband a few times before this, but we had never spent any real time together. He also did not know that I had been intimate with his wife. Well the three of us got along fabulously. We all had way too much to drink, and one thing led to another. We ended up back at their house and after a few more drinks, we ended up having a threesome. I was already comfortable with L, but adding her husband to the mix was amazing. I went home the next morning wondering why I had never done this before, and swearing to myself it wouldnt be the last time. And it wasn't. I believe the three of us got together about four times in one month. Each time better than the last. However I started realizing that I was really attracted to her husband more than the occasional "hookup" We started meeting for coffee and lunch breaks. (All without L knowing) Eventually I started tiring of L and my secret relationship, and wanted to go more for her husband. L obviously knows something is going on as I have been pulling away from her, but she would never guess that I am now sleeping with her husband behind her back. I feel really bad about this because initially I did have strong feelings for L, but I guess nothing can replace what a man can give you. What should I do? I don't like lying to L day after day, and she is getting pretty annoying with her constant whining about "us" There really isn't an "us" anymore, just the occasional pity sex to get her to quiet down.

Now my real problem. I recently met a new "girlfriend" and would like to introduce the husband to her, for a threesome. How do I do this without L finding out? She is really getting in the way now. TIA for your help

-- Karen--

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 10:14am

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bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2004
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 10:21am
I am not accountable to anyone but myself. In my opinon L and her husband are both cheating on eachother so what difference does it make the part that I play in it? I know this is the first affair that L's husband (R) has had. R and I just had this force that pulled us together, we couldn't help ourselves, and should not be blamed for it. I have no idea how many partners L has had, but we went to a clinic together and got tested so I know that we are safe. (we went and did this before we ever slept together or even thought about sleeping together) L can be very obnoxious in her demands on my time. I am a very independant women, and can't be bothered with emotions. It is her fault that she chose to get emotionally attached. Not mine. I have been honest with her up until I starting sleeping with her husband.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 12:37pm

Well, if it doesn't make any difference to you, then why are you trying to figure out a way to have a threesome with R without L finding out.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

Avatar for sugarbeat
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 1:04pm
>> can't be bothered with emotions.<<

What's wrong with you? Why can't you feel or empathize with anyone else's feelings? You sound numb and looking for bigger thrills (at any cost), in order to compensate for your inability to feel.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2004
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 1:10pm
Come on we live in a dog eat dog world. Thats just how it is... I like L,she is a good person. I would like to spare her any pain, but not at my own expense. I have to look out for myself first (as any of you would Im sure)
Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 1:17pm
Sorry this how I really feel about this mess........I cant wait for you to introduce this "new girlfriend" to the Husband, so then he`ll leave his affair with you and start cheating with her on his wife.....WHAT A MESS YOUVE CREATED. Its sociopathic behavior at the least. Im guessing here, but I bet you are one of those people who have no idea how to separate sex and love. You probably have no clue as to the difference. Im also guessing here , but I think you probably have had many many sex partners. As the country song goes, " lookin for love in all the wrong places.

If im wrong, I appologize in advance..wait , no I dont.




Edited 9/29/2004 1:28 pm ET ET by humpdaddy
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2004
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 1:23pm
How have I created this mess? L cheated on her husband first, THEY convinced me to do a threesome, and HE approached me about one on one sex with him. I have merely been going along for the ride
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 1:58pm

You helped to create this mess by getting involved with it from the beginning.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2003
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 2:03pm
Funny, Hump, but I thought the opposite. I think that she and the other couple are fully able to seperate love and sex. IMO, people who love each other won't ever cheat due to how much love, respect, and loyalty, they feel...particularly for lust alone. I personally hate the myth that married sex becomes mundane after many years together. Nothing in my experience could be further from the truth. My sex life is the best it's ever been, and we're still evolving. I expected that it would become mundane, and I kept waiting.... and waiting.... but it never happened. I feel very much like a freak when I read these boards, because after being married for a very long time, I can really say that I've never felt lust towards another person that I met personally, because even if I found someone to be attractive, I just never thought of them in that way. My SO is all that I need. If I found myself longing for another sexually, I would know that there would be something wrong our relationship. Any lust that I feel belongs with my SO. I could never imagine wanting to cheat on him, and if I did, I would question my relationship. When you love someone, you want to protect them from hurt, not be the cause of it. My opinion is that neither of any of these relationships had much to do with anyone being deeply in love. There certainly isn't any respect or trust, which IMO, is an intregal part of love.




Edited 9/29/2004 2:06 pm ET ET by life_is_but_a_dream

Avatar for sugarbeat
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 09-29-2004 - 2:14pm
Your original question was --> How do I do this without L finding out?

Why can't you just do it in the same manner you have maintained the affair with L's husband? During your next rendezvous, suggest bringing in a third party. That is assuming of course, she is willing to go for it. And if the husband is game, just bring her along.

Sounds like you thrive on drama. If it is just sex (and not emotional) why not find a less sticky situation?

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