great man, not so great sex

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2004
great man, not so great sex
8
Sun, 10-03-2004 - 8:48am
i just got out of LT relationship and am seeing this wonderful guy whom i adore. problem is the sex is less than adorable :( and i'm beginning to think it's because of his penis size. it could be alot of different factors, but i think that's it.

the last serious relationship i had my bf had a really nice unit to say the least. when i would look at him aroused or kneel in front of him it was like he had this big, powerful unit with large balls and a strong penis. my current, however doesnt fit this description, needless to say.

i guess i'm feeling extremely guilty about the whole thing. we've been seeing each other for a while now and i'm beginning to look at other men and wonder what their unit looks like. sometimes i lose track of what i'm doing in the moment. i feel dirty, SICK!

does anybody else have this problem? if i am picturing other men's units should i get out of the relationship? it never occurred to me that this was something we thought about until i became obsessed with it. PLEASE tell me i'm not alone in thinking about penises all the time!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Sun, 10-03-2004 - 10:20am

If the sex isn't great, it doesn't have anything to do with his penis size.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2003
Sun, 10-03-2004 - 12:19pm
Dear OP,

As always, Tish gives great advice. Just wanted to add two cents to it though concerning your penis fantasies. Let them come and go as they do without trying to push them away or judge them. What gives a fantasy staying power is the energy that you give it by judging it...and that can be good or bad judgments, but particularly the "bad" judgment. It makes your thoughts taboo and the more taboo something is, the more sexually arousing it tends to be. When you have the thoughts just notice them and they will begin to lose their power. You will then be more able to enjoy what is actually going on around you rather than being lost in your head and that includes more than just sexual intimacy.

Also, sex ALWAYS gets better with time if you allow intimacy to increase. The sex with your last boyfriend was good because you knew him and knew his hot buttons and he knew yours. That takes a little time and a little coaching and lots of trust from both partners. there is no reason that sex with your new man will not be as good...in fact better than the last relationship as he sounds like such a wonderful guy.

Be patient and don't take little dramas too seriously.

Peace.

Scott.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2004
Sun, 10-03-2004 - 1:08pm
I'm not sure I agree with what you said, at least with the information she's given so far. From reading her post, it appears to have nothing to do with technique and everything to do with physicological/visual aspects. All the technique in the world isn't going to change that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
Sun, 10-03-2004 - 1:11pm
As always, I'm sure there are many jealous couples who wish they had such great feedback in their lives sooner. LOL! I wanted to add on to the great words you've received so far.

NO NO NO you are not the only one! LOL!!! TONS of ladies out there, whether they admit it or not, are just like you and just like many men out there who have the same infatuations when it comes to breasts as well. This is actually more of a normal sexual desire than is reported, in my very honest opinion.

Now, this IS something that I also believe could be damaging to a relationship as well. If your sexual relationship is so so so affected by this desire that you have, then I DO believe it has a chance to really cause some harm that can't be ignored. Some individuals are able to move on to other sexual relationships without the curses of always thinking about what he/she may be missing, whereas others just simply don't have that issue no matter how different the comparisons may be.

Nobody can answer for you and you new mate when it comes to whether or not you should stay together. If you are simply not able to get penis size out of your thinking and are more infatuated with that to the point that sex is not as enjoyable as you'd like, regardless the actual relationship, then I DO think he deserves that explanation and then its up to you AND him as to whether or not you should continue. Again, thats just my opinion that you asked for, but its by no means a promise of being the best course of action.

C h a r a c t e r


above all else


Mr. Para

 

C  H  A  R  A  C  T  E  R

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2004
Sun, 10-03-2004 - 1:15pm
"if i am picturing other men's units should i get out of the relationship?"

Well, each person is different and each person would handle this situation in their own way, so I can only tell you what I would want. Yes, I would want you out of the relationship. My take is a simple one. I can't please everyone and the sooner I find out that I'm not pleasing someone the faster I can find someone who I can.

This seems to be important to you and I have no problem with that, but to try and suppress your feelings on this isn't fair to him considering your not as happy with what he has.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Sun, 10-03-2004 - 1:32pm
That's possible but if he is not satisfying her, it could make her mind wander into fantasy and she might be comparing him too much to her last guy.

bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2003
Sun, 10-03-2004 - 6:03pm
Great point Tish. I believe great sex happens in the mind that's why men can have wet dreams and women have orgasms in their sleep. The mind is what makes sex good or bad.

Peace.

Scott.

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 10-04-2004 - 11:32am
I doubt you're alone but I can't say that I ever experienced the obsession myself. Size simply isn't top priority with me, never has been.

I do think that the reason you're thinking of other guys in a sexual way though, is because you aren't completely fulfilled with THIS one. Maybe it's because of his size, maybe not. Maybe his size is just a convenient scapegoat. Or maybe you aren't over your ex yet.

In any case, your new guy deserves a partner who thinks HE'S perfect just the way he is.