Pros and Cons: opinions please!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2004
Pros and Cons: opinions please!!!
2
Mon, 01-17-2005 - 1:09pm

I am very much in love with the man I've been seeing for 2 years and (assume) he's in love with me. the problem: I am insecure because we haven't had as active a sex life as I desire. He is 32 and I am 27. He is willing to do things sexually for me he hasn't been accustomed to doing, but we still only have sex about 2-3 times a week at the MOST. I like it every day or every other day.

The real biggie is I have had to ASK him for sex and initiate it almost exclusively lately. Sometimes he will turn me down and then we'll do it later, sometimes not at all, every once in a while he'll say "yes" right then. But I like to be "hunted/desired" and I don't feel that very much with him right now! He's pretty rigid in that "man initiating the sex" role...but he's not initiating much! I'm fairly certain he's not cheating, but even when I dress sexy for him...he gets all practical and asks "Why are you half-naked?" walking around the house.

When we do have sex...it's great, and he behaves as though he enjoys it very much, both with verbal AND physical expressions so WHY is he holding out on me???

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Mon, 01-17-2005 - 2:27pm

It sounds like his libido is lower than yours which is something you can work around if the two of you talk about it and communicate.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2004
Mon, 01-17-2005 - 2:44pm

Thanks, Tish. Although he's not very expressive with his feelings, he has told me he loves me over the course of our 2 years together. I said "assume" because I just personally feel that when you are IN love, you want a lot of intimacy with your partner. He has told me that his libido isn't what it was in his 20's.

I have spoken with him about his insisting on itiniating, then not doing so enough. One thing is: our timing is off! He says I'm "always" in the mood, so I guess in his mind that means when he is ready he feels I am too. That is true most of the time, but only because I am so starved to actually GET it, seems I HAVE to wait for him! He has tried some libido products like Alzare and Enzyte, but stopped because of the risk of side effects.

I guess I should be more forthright in communicating to him about our sex life, but he seems to feel when I bring up the frequency (or lack thereof) that sex is ALL I want him for. It's so frustrating. I would just "do it myself"...but I prefer a live partner!