Should I believe this???
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| Tue, 01-18-2005 - 9:07am |
Been dating my guy for close to 2 months. We see eachother almost every day (usually do dinner or watch tv), and usually go out on the weekends. He's told me that he's falling in love with me, which feels great.
The thing that's strange to me is we don't have sex much. Probably 1-2 times per week if that. I've asked him about it, cause sometimes I feel like maybe he's not that attracted to me. But he says that's not it at all, but that it's a moral thing for him. He says he tends to lose interest in women fast, and because he wants our r'ship to last, (basically he doesn't want to get sick of me) he doesn't want us to just be about sex. Then he said again, that he's falling in love with me, and that's why he's taking it (sex) slower with me.
So do I buy this? The only reason I question it, is cause he's definitely not shy about his porn collection or the fact that he jerks off daily. So that almost makes me wonder if he'd just rather do that than have sex. And he's never given me a reason not to trust him, so I don't think he's getting it anywhere else either.
Any thoughts??

I don't understand the moral thing at all.
I would agree with Tish that the moral excuse sounds a little shady, particularly because of his daily porn use and having sex with you. It's funny the little head games we play to justify or explain our behaviors.
BUT you definitely need to speak up if you aren't satisfied with the frequency of sex. He can't expect to fully control that in the relationship. There always has to be a compromise on that so that no frustration and resentment begins to develop.
The porn WOULD concern me because it could indicate other problems with intimacy since he says that he loses interest quickly in relationships. If I were you, I would want to discuss this before getting more deeply involved.
Edited 1/18/2005 10:42 am ET ET by katmandoo2001
Thanks, you both have a good point. I don't understand it either. I mean, we've only been together for a couple months, how could he get sick of having sex with me that fast? What happens after we're together a year? So I don't totally understand his reasoning.
I love spending time with him, but I'm disappointed because in the 2 months together, we haven't really dated. The first 2 weeks were awesome, pure infatuation. But it seems we've gotten way too comfortable, too fast. Not much for romance. We do wrestle around and cuddle up in front of the tv, but that's about it. Our nights are usually me stopping over at his house for a couple hours watching tv and then going home. The weekends, we end up going out to the bar with his friends, get drunk and then I stay over at his place. I keep telling him he owes me a date, or we should go see a movie, etc, but it always gets put off, or something comes up.....
Sounds like you're making all the effort in this relationship and getting little in return. I would suggest NOT stopping by his house and see what happens. But, IMO, there are several red flags here that shouldn't be ignored!
I do know this, IF a guy is REALLY into YOU, then porn will be a sad and lonely alternative to the real thing. Also, his main priority would be making time for you.
But many times, unfortunately, relationships can just become a convenience, too.
Edited 1/18/2005 3:30 pm ET ET by katmandoo2001