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fwb or more
| Wed, 02-09-2005 - 3:02pm |
ive been talking to this guy for a year now ,he mentioned wanting to be friends with benefits but ive always been told that fwb involves friends who have sex when its convieniant ,now this guy says he wants to see me on the weekends wants to do things together hang out and have sex about six minths ago he had asked me if i would date him an possibly later on be willing to move there ,we live 4 hrs apart from each other im confused about the whole thing is that really a fwb or is it more then what hes trying to let on .. ive never been involved with anyone like that before and dont want to get into something like that since i know for a fact i will develop feelings for him if i did
could someone enlighten me an clear that up on what it is
could someone enlighten me an clear that up on what it is

Your understanding of FWB is right. Two friends, not interested in a "relationship", who get together occasionally for sex. It doesn't involve dating, it doesn't involve feelings (love), it's all about sex. He doesn't have to call you and thank you, he doesn't have to be available for you when YOU want him to be.
Now this guy who lives 4 hours away from you, who you have been "talking to" (on the computer??) for a year is proposing an FWB situation. Have you ever even met him face to face? He asked you once if you'd be "willing" to date him, but it sounds like he never asked you for a date. He wants to see you on the weekends, which I assume means he wants to STAY with you, since it's too far to drive back and forth, and "hang out"?
I think you're right in not wanting to get involved with this guy. He's looking for sex, not a relationship with you. Most women, once they get involved, think a relationship will develop, but it usually doesn't, because he's made it clear up front it's sex only.
If you think there's ANY possibility of something developing between you, then you need to tell him that you'd prefer dating first, getting to know him, and then MAYBE some benefits. If he loses interest when you tell him there won't be any sex for a while, that will be your answer.
I really don't have much of a comment about the sexual nature of the relationship, but like the others, I DO have an opinion on the relationship itself.
I personally would advise caution when you don't even know where or what his plan is actually leading to. He hasn't made himself clear as to whether or not he has a 'sincere' interest in you other than what you can benefit HIM via FWB by the sounds of it.
Just my opinion if I read you correctly.
C H A R A C T E R
yes he wanted to come stay here with me ...
and no i have not met him face to face ,we are suposed to meet this friday .
and your right totally about doing that would show what is the case
For a year, he's been 4 hours away, and it's taken him this long to drive 4 hours to meet you? Without ever meeting you, he asked you to move to where he is? I would be VERY careful about this guy......he doesn't sound "normal" to me. Four hours away is NOT across the world.....I've driven 4 hours just to shop at a special store!
I hope that your plans to meet him do NOT include him coming to your home. I wouldn't let him anywhere near my home OR my daughter until I know what I think of him. "Talking" on the computer is not a way to get to know someone. They can tell you whatever they want to tell you. Meeting face to face, and doing that several times is the only way to get a feeling of what he's really like.
Meet him during the day, in a public place, and definitely do not involve alcohol. Lunch, coffee, nothing more. If he's planning to stay over, then get him a motel room, do not invite him into your home, and don't go to his motel room with him, even to "talk"! Even after a few hours together over a week-end you will really NOT know him. He MIGHT be a very nice guy, but you don't know that yet, and it's better to err on the side of caution until you DO know him, and know him WELL.
If he's interested in getting to know you too, then he'll be fine with all of this. If he's looking for sex, and he doesn't get it......you'll never hear from him again.
You sound like you want him to be the man of your dreams......and he might be.....but until you know everything there is to know about him, don't let your imagination get carried away. Protect your self and more importantly, protect your daughter from a stranger that might very well be some kind of predator. And by the way, the "bad" guys are ALWAYS "nice". That's how they con women! Proceed with caution.
hes younger then me ,and my motto was to not go for men younger then me .
no i dont intend to meet him alone .. i am bringing my gfs .. some may think thats silly but they say
protection is in numbers ,my daughter will not be near him ,she is staying at her grammas right now
i know that you cant tell how a person is over the computer that you need to be around them face to face
and i definatly dont plan to drink when i meet him
i am not bringing him to my home i dont know him well enough to do that
and your right about how if he doesnt get sex and thats what he is wanting he wont be talking to me again
i dont expect him to be the one or even a possible bf or any of that
it could end up that i dont want anything to do with him and he does want something between us or vice versa
im not counting my chickens before they hatch
and i will proceed with caution