Missing Spice

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2005
Missing Spice
7
Sun, 02-27-2005 - 8:59pm
Does anyone else just feel that sex is kind of a hassle? I'm a newlywed, and I never used to feel this way, but it just seems that I'd rather go right to sleep, or do something else. My husband has never been with any one else, so there is an experience issue there, but I just don't think that's really the problem. I used to really get into sex, and now I could care less. I think it's a problem with me, but I don't seem to know how to fix it. It's like I've lost my sex drive completely! Does anyone have any ideas?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
In reply to: misnicole
Sun, 02-27-2005 - 9:25pm
The issues that happen inside the bedroom are often a reflection of things going on outside the bedroom. How's your marriage going?
Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
In reply to: misnicole
Mon, 02-28-2005 - 12:12am
And in addition to the general state of the relationship, have you changed any medications lately or changed the pill, if you use it?
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: misnicole
Mon, 02-28-2005 - 2:11pm

You're a newlywed and you're already tired of sex? Like the others have mentioned, there could be all kinds of reasons why you're not in the mood anymore but a good checkup would be the best place to start.

Are you depressed or stressed since the marriage though? Some people have the same type of temporary letdown that one experiences after a holiday, returning from a vacation, etc. Could be that since all the excitement of planning and enjoying your wedding and honeymoon is over, you're experiencing some "post-wedding" depression. That would be normal and usually, temporary.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2005
In reply to: misnicole
Tue, 03-01-2005 - 11:53am
I have been incredibly stressed, now that you all mention it. I work full time and go to school part time and I never feel like I ever get a chance to just be by myself and regroup so to speak. That could be it.
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: misnicole
Tue, 03-01-2005 - 5:32pm

I remember feeling like sex was just another chore to get done at the end of the day. This was after my first son was born and I was working and trying to do too much. That led to resentment and a suppressed libido.

IF you need more time for yourself, then ask for it and don't feel guilty. You can't give if you have nothing left to give. We ALL need time for ourselves and an hour or two a day isn't asking for too much either.

And it's a good idea to sit down with the hubby to decide how often is often enough. Try to find a compromise on frequency that will suit both of you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-27-2005
In reply to: misnicole
Thu, 03-03-2005 - 10:27pm
Thanks for the advice. You always here that when you're a newlywed, you're supposed to be crazy in the bedroom. And it's like there's some big issue if you're not. I was just hoping that some others out there had gone through the same thing. It helps to know you're not alone.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-10-2004
In reply to: misnicole
Sat, 03-05-2005 - 4:38am
hello misnicole!
Bellina sends greetings! Well luv,being that you've been feeling fatigued/stressed from your work schedules,it's quite normal to lose interest in sex..Despite being a newlywed,hopefully one can communicate this delicate matter with your husband.Let him know reasons for less libido/passions de le boudoir(bedroom fun),you're in need of some wellrested time/hours until work,running a home,and your physical wellbeing is tended to.
Tell him all the nice sentiments you share and ask if he'd enjoy the foreplay part of amore with patience,scheduling some time for sensual delights when you're not so physically worn..If he's understanding,sensitive to your needs,not just his, then your new union/newlywed bliss isn't gone..Merely in need of booked reservations,tell him well worth the wait..Ask him to recall how he'd anticipate making love in your early dating/courtships but shared lots of other affecttions..kisses,making out,cuddling,caressing,backrubs,romantic dinners,interests,etc.This is not so fatiguing ways you both displayed such affections.Remind him of the buildup,excitement that took part in you two wanting to share a future together and falling in love..which lead you to marry! Believe your husband will be very understanding and patient
to await the right time you'll feel the spice is back for making love..Bellina