Squeamish

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2004
Squeamish
7
Thu, 03-10-2005 - 1:58pm

*blushing a red deeper than my own hair color (which is natural BTW)*

After using my vibrator on my DH, I find myself suddenly shying away from it...DH enjoyed it so and asks me almost every night when I'll do it again because it felt so good. I always just smile and say, "Well, how about Sunday?" with the knowledge that when Sunday comes around it won't happen..I even pinky promise, which is the most sacred of all promises...
To be honest, though the thought doesn't turn me off..In fact, its the opposite..And the act didn't leave me dry...I can't figure out why I don't want to do this again. Why on earth would I deprive my husband of something that pleasures him? The thing is, I don't. I'd love to do it again, but I find myself hesitating and shying from it and making up excuses...

What's wrong with me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2004
In reply to: jenniekg
Thu, 03-10-2005 - 2:41pm
Hi,
Us men feel the same way about using toys on you. "Is she going to like this better than having me?" Especially if it's something I can't give without an aid, such as a vibrator or a large dildo. I'm not sure this is what you're feeling, but it's the first thing that came to mind. I asked my SO once to do that to me, and she just said "I don't think so"
I think she has an Idea that it would make her think that I was gay or something...I didn't really discuss it any further yet.
Anyway, don't be affraid...YOU gave him that pleasure, and he's asking YOU to give it to him again. I'm sure he's not going to fall in love with the vibrator any more that you would.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
In reply to: jenniekg
Thu, 03-10-2005 - 3:05pm

I'm sure this will come up as it regularly does by a someone here or there, so I'll just go ahead and say it myself anyway I guess:

Are you feeling sure about equal ? Do you feel like its becoming more of a focus on 'him' than on you both equally?

For some of us it doesn't really make that big of a difference, but for others it does. If you're looking for ideas, which is obviously all you're gonna get, then there's one to think about. Who really knows what it could be though...I don't ever think there's enough info to guess your situation you, KWIM?

 

C  H  A  R  A  C  T  E  R

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2004
In reply to: jenniekg
Thu, 03-10-2005 - 6:06pm

I get what you mean. Emotionally, I'm feeling high because I've made my husband feel like me and I've pleasured him more than I'll ever know. At the same time, physically, I've gone unfulfilled. I've gained no physical pleasure from f#$@*!& him in the arse. I love giving him pleasure. When I give him oral sex, its usually done mutually..Or we take turns. I'll go down for awhile until my jaw hurts, then he'll go down on me until he can't stop and then we'll make love and both achieve nirvana. By using my vibrator on him, he gets all the pleasure and I don't...I'm so selfish.

At the same time, in response to Luv's post, there is that gay connotation that goes along with the use of toys on men and their backsides. Logically and realistically, my DH is far from gay. I think my problem is I read that silly article in Good Housekeeping..Or whatever that magazine was about wives who found out their husbands were gay after years of marriage. That's what I get for reading.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2004
In reply to: jenniekg
Thu, 03-10-2005 - 6:31pm
Hey jenniekg
I agree that it's a combination of both. Remember that when your DH is pleasuring you say orally, he is enjoying himself and exited, butnot to the extent you are, just as him using a toy on you. The only pleasure is in pleasing you. True Love is what it is.
as far as the gay thing is. Anal pleasure is enjoyed by both sexes. Regardless of sexual preferences. It is simply a level of enjoyment. Some take it to the level of being bisexual, others don't. As I said, he wants YOU to do it with him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2004
In reply to: jenniekg
Fri, 03-11-2005 - 11:50am
If one of us is stimulating the other, we will take turns in returning the pleasure. We view it as fair. If he's orally stimulating me, then he will sometimes turn in such a way that I can masturbate him or other little things he likes. I think that sometimes I'm too prim and proper for my own good.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
In reply to: jenniekg
Fri, 03-11-2005 - 7:37pm

Of course you don't get any physical stimulation from using the vibrator on him. But he doesn't get any physical stimulation using the vibrator on you either - and don't think that every time a guy goes down on a woman that he is getting a great kick out of it either. There are days oral sex can be a bit of a chore rather than a pleasure, but you do it because your partner loves it so much (Yes, I know, most women and men would hate to think that some days their partner does something that they aren't into but I'm sure it happens).

All I mean to say is that there are times during sex that you find yourself doing something that your partner enjoys greatly, but you could take it or leave it. I don't necessarily think that it's a bad thing. I think that it just happens occasionally. So when you're using the vibrator on your husband you don't HAVE to be really enjoying it. It's OK. It's just part of the give and take of a relationship. Maybe part of you IS being selfish about this? He's having all the fun while you're not?

I think that it's more likely that you're finding this little gender-swapping exercise to be slightly out of your comfort zone. You are penetrating him with a vibrator. Does that make you masculine or him feminine? Gay? Who knows? Of course your brain is telling you that it doesn't make him gay or effiminate. But I think that your feelings and emotions can't handle the logic quite as well as your brain can. I think that you are feeling uneasy about it and are, as you say, shying away from it because of that.

Try looking at it from slightly different angle - gay men don't _receive_ anal sex just because they're gay and just because one of them wants to penetrate the other. There is something about receiving it that has to feel good too. They do it because its something to do with male anatomy and it's all about the pleasure from stimulation of the prostate gland. Gay guys recieve anal sex because it feels good, not just because they are gay! No wonder then that it can feel pleasurable to normal heterosexual males and have nothing to do with being gay!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2004
In reply to: jenniekg
Fri, 03-11-2005 - 9:04pm
There are nights that I DON'T want oral sex, but I give in and let him go to town because he loves it that much. He does get a kick out of oral sex. Believe me..I'm the one that's very shy about it and I don't let him venture there very often. I'm modest and I start to panic and think, "OMG! What if I ate garlic tonight?" or "What if that burrito is enough to send him screaming?" but he demands it, so I do what any hussy does..I spread my legs..*LOL* I'm a hussy..His hussy and I wouldn't have it any other way. But, I get the jist. There are nights I do for him what I don't really feeling like doing, but I will do it because he loves it and whatever makes him smile and roll his eyes back into his head and beg for more is enough for me. I'm selfish, but then I don't know anybody else that isn't selfish.
As for thinking he's gay, I'm not trying to stereotype him or make it sound like I think he is. If I assume he's gay for enjoying anal sex to that degree or any, I might as well call every other man gay too. I'm not going to because I know that it isn't accurate. I realize that homosexuals are attracted to the same sex for the same reason homosexuals are attracted to the opposite sex. Its about chemistry. Its about emotion. Its about connection.
At first, I didn't mind doing it. I got a sort of high off it. It was powerful. It was just the ultimate. But, after a couple of times it became uncomfortable. Especially when he keeps askng and begging for it. I like to do things of my own volition. I want to be in the mood for it.
Too long and I apologize. I really need to discuss this with my husband and track down my grandparents..Its snowy out in this part of NC and I have no idea where they are...Plus, I think I've got a nail stuck under one of the keys. Thanks though!