Testosterone Replacement Question

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2003
Testosterone Replacement Question
4
Thu, 03-17-2005 - 12:52am
Ok - my boyfriend is a cancer survivor and one of the meds he takes kills his sex drive. And I mean gone.
Recently he started on testosterone replacement and I was just wondering if anyone knows how long it takes before it can take affect. We have a great relationship and it started out being very sexual, but I really don't want to ask him because I know it's hard enough on him already. Does anyone have any experience with this and if so, what advice can you offer?
Thanks.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2000
Thu, 03-17-2005 - 8:34am

Have to ask where the cancer was if he's on testosterone replacement. If it's testicular or especially prostate, there may be some physical issues to get past. Prostate surgery can damage the nerves that trigger erection, though the newer techniques can work around them if the cancer isn't pervasive. As you suggest, he could very well be feeling "un-manned" by it all.

If he's on testosterone, he should be physically able to respond within a couple of days if there were no issues like I mentioned above. Where his head is, is entirely another matter. I'd take it **very** slowly and see how things progress. Good luck and best wishes.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2003
Thu, 03-17-2005 - 10:01am

Hi Brookie,

You mentioned that your bf was a cancer survivor. Does that mean he is currently in remission or that he is still dealing with the cancer as a battle? Either way, what he is dealing with can take so much energy and so much of his attention that sex can be put on the backburner to a certain degree.

As living beings, we are motivated on a primal level by the four "F's": feed, fight, flee and uhhhh....reproduction (there are of course other needs and motivations, but these are the primal ones). The first three (feed, fight and flee) are directly related to survival and always come first...the fourth "F" is related to propogating the species and that always is last of the four motivators especially when faced with the prospect of death. What I am saying is that his energy may be so focused on survival right now that his need for sex is to a certain degree supressed. Also, fighting this battle takes a tremendous amount of physical, mental and spiritual so he may just be exhausted an many levels.

Be patient, supportive and find ways to be intimate that help you both feel nurtured. As his body heals completely, his natural desire will begin to return.

Good luck and much love to you both.
Scott.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2003
Fri, 03-18-2005 - 11:57am

Thank you so much for your response.
He is in remission for liver cancer - and in his 5th year of survival for testicular cancer. Since the liver cannot be removed, he takes anti-cancer drugs because he does still have tumors in his liver, although not cancerous. They are being proactive about it. He started the drug after we had begun dating, and since then, no sex. I am being supportive and am trying to be patient.
I do try to find other ways to be intimate, and for the most part it works.

Thanks again for the info. It helps.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2004
Fri, 03-18-2005 - 12:14pm

Take your time, Brookie. I imagine that surviving and battling cancer at the same time is hard on a person physically as well as emotionally. With some TLC from you, perhaps he'll be ready to go soon. Don't give up on him. My heart goes out to you both. You're a kind soul for staying by his side through this all. It takes an amazing person to stick it through and through. Kudos to you! I hope all works well.

In the mean time, you can research the testerone replacement drug. I'm sure there are pharmaceutical websites with information on the drug. I'm proud of you. You're a brave girl.

I wish you both the best.