need help, sex life is slipping away....

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2005
need help, sex life is slipping away....
3
Fri, 09-02-2005 - 9:44am
i need some advice. My honey and i have slipped into the "married with children" cycle, busy and no sex. I have read things on turning him on, getting in the mood, etc, but they are corny and don't work. Does anyone have any ideas that work for them? Please let me know.
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 09-02-2005 - 10:19am

Well, I don't know what you consider "corny" but scheduling sex is the best way to get back into the "habit" of regular sex again. You have to schedule everything else that's important to you so planning sex puts it on par with the kid's dr. appts. etc. When you have a chance to allow anticipation to build, just like BEFORE you married, then you don't have to worry about desire! No, it's not spontaneous, but you can pretty much kiss that goodbye after kids come along anyway! LOL!

I've been married almost 29 yrs. now, and I can tell you from experience, that you must make your partner THE priority in your life, not your children. On the contrary, the single best gift you can give your children is the example and security of a happy and fulfilled marriage.

Good sex takes effort and sometimes, it means losing a little sleep but it can make all the difference in the world to the state of your relationship and your life. Don't worry about turning HIM on, worry about turning yourself on...he'll respond!




Edited 9/2/2005 10:22 am ET ET by katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
Fri, 09-02-2005 - 10:32am

I agree with Kat. You two have to talk about it, and figure out how to make some time for yourselves. Remember, you were husband and wife before you were Mom and Dad. Sometimes people forget that! And guess what.......in 15-20 years, the "kids" will be gone, and you two will not know what to do with yourselves, UNLESS you've kept the "romance" alive.

I have a friend who was bemoaning the fact that her last child was leaving home shortly. Her husband spent his life devoted to his job, and she spent her life doting on her children. Now they were all gone, and she said she didn't know what she would do with herself. I jokingly said "well, now you two can chase each other around the house naked!"
There was a moment's silence, and then she said "Oh, we gave up "that stuff" years ago!"

That is one of the saddest things I've ever heard! And guess what, now she spends her time being an interfering Mother and Mother-in-Law. In other words, she had/has no life besides her children! Don't let that happen to you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2005
Sat, 09-03-2005 - 12:49am

I totally agree with the others, and yet I sympathize because I can also tell you what will happen if you don't get a handle on it now! This line <<>> worries me the most, but i won't get into it unless you ask why.

As a 40+ female, I will offer one piece of advise: Take sex out of the bedroom and verbally put it into your daily life!!! By that I mean: begin leaving sexy messages for each other during the day. Before hanging up, tell him what part of of his body you appreciate/love/want to touch, lick, suck, kiss, etc. As he passes you in the hallway, kitchen, etc, reach out and touch him quickly yet directly (the kids will get a kick out of this one if they happen to see it). Convince him that he needs to come "help" you in the kitchen, garage, back yard and once there, make out like you were teenagers! IMO, sex is a essential part of marriage and without it, the marriage can die.