Swingers???????????

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
Swingers???????????
10
Wed, 09-07-2005 - 8:39pm
Hi, my husband would like me to have sex with him & another man or to have sex with another guy while he watched. For some reason It scares me to death. I have had sex with another women after being scared to death to do that. I am good with that now. I don't think I would want to watch my husband have sex with another women, & don't know if I am afraid of an eye for an eye, but my husband has made it clear, he is interested my my sexual satisfaction, which I may add is very generous of him. We have a great marriage & sex life, but I am afraid it would complicate things. The man or couple that is in question is our friends & I am not sure if that complicates things or not. I have tried having talks with my self about it, & I am sure there are many women out there who would love to be in my shoes. Any advise would be greatly appreciated.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Wed, 09-07-2005 - 9:03pm

My advise would be don't do it unless you are 100% sure it's something


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Wed, 09-07-2005 - 9:20pm
It's wonderful that your husband is concerned with your sexual satisfaction but he should be concerned with your mental satisfaction and the state of your relationship too. It sounds like you do not want to do this. If you do not, then do not. You have to be 100% sure about this. My partner and I are currently discussing the possibilty of finding another woman to join us in the bedroom and we are facing some of the same issues. It's not simple but it's not something that you should ever feel obliged to do or to try. You should definitely not feel that you have been forced to try this against your will or wishes. If you don't want it happening, you've got to say No.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
Wed, 09-07-2005 - 11:32pm

So he wants to do it for YOUR sexual satisfaction, huh? NOT! You say you have a great marriage and a great sex life, so you ARE sexually satisfied. He wants to do it because HE wants to do it.

You say you had sex with a woman, and you were scared to death to try it. Let me guess, t
that too was at HIS instigation, because you wouldn't have done it at all if you were scared to death.....but you did it for him.

I have never heard of threesomes, no matter what the gender makeup, working out well, or making a marriage better. Maybe they're exciting at the time, but down the line.....it usually causes jealousy and trouble.

What's wrong with just saying NO, that you ARE sexually satisfied, and you don't want to do it? You can respect his wish to do it, but he has to respect your wish NOT to do it.

Avatar for elainetwirl
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2003
Thu, 09-08-2005 - 6:45am
Men are great at spinning yarns, and it sounds as if your man is a winner. He is more interested in his sexual satisfaction, and besides, as I have posted elsewere, threesomes promise far more than they deliver. Elaine
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 09-08-2005 - 11:21am

Truthfully, no, this doesn't seem to be about YOUR desires at all, but his. After all, HE wants to watch, correct? If your DH is only interested in your satisfaction, then he should allow YOU to decide what will please you, shouldn't he?

Don't ever allow yourself to be talked into doing something like this. That's NOT the way any decision should be made, especially ones with possible life-altering consequences that these types of choices can have.

The simple answer to your question is don't do it. IF this scenario feels wrong or you are concerned about his true motives for suggesting it, then don't do it. Your intuition should be heeded until YOU decide to do this. Or not.




Edited 9/8/2005 11:29 am ET ET by katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2000
Thu, 09-08-2005 - 11:57am

You said you were satisfied with your sex life, so who's pushing this idea? Him or you? And when you had the encounter with the woman, was that your idea or his?

If your relationship is good, then you should be able to clearly say *no* without a problem. If it's something *you* want to do, and he's supportive, that's one thing; if he wants you to act out his fantasy for him, that's something very different.

I can't imagine opening up my marriage to other partners; to me that's out-of-bounds. I think any couple that does would have to think it through *very* carefully to decide what the consequences could be before going ahead. It sounds like he's doing a lot of wishful thinking and assuming you'll play along.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-18-2003
Thu, 09-08-2005 - 12:22pm
I agree with the other posters. It sounds like hubby is more interested in his desires, than what you currently want. Accepting another man's penis into your vagina, especially a friend that you may have to face later if things don't work out, can have pitfalls. If hubby wants another man's penis in your relationship, let him bend over and take the penis himself.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2004
Thu, 09-08-2005 - 6:08pm

I dont think my husband would care to imagine much less witness me having sex with anyone other than him. In fact I think its an image that he would never be able to get over.

Even having a nightmare about something like my husband being with another woman makes me feel gut-shot.

speaking for myself this sort of thing would never be allowed, condoned, or even thought of in my relationship. The idea of watching my partner with another person makes me feel ill... and I think THAT is a normal reaction.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Fri, 09-09-2005 - 2:05am

I so agree with the posters who've said that this is about your husband's satisfaction, and not yours.

If he was truly wanting to see you satisfied, he'd LISTEN to how you feel. Isn't communication the first step to a great sex life?

Dress Up Games, Doll Makers and Cartoon Dolls @ The Doll Palace
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2005
Sat, 09-17-2005 - 12:08am
I have been in this situation and it is difficult to find a couple that you are both attracted to. It is also very hard to watch your man with another woman. My ex was addicted to swinging. Most of the women from the couples we dealt with said they were doing it for their husband. It can destroy a realationship because you it causes both of you to develop insecurities within yourselves. You may use it against eash other in arguments, it's not always a good idea. If you think about it, ask yourself if you really want to see the person you love with someone else? Some women do it to prevent their men from cheating but trust me, from experience, it just opens the door. Some things are better left a fantasy.