Worried About GF's First Vibrator

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2005
Worried About GF's First Vibrator
26
Fri, 09-09-2005 - 10:01am

My gf has only reached an orgasm one of two ways. Either she masturbates (not often) with her fingers and orgasms through direct clitoral stimulation, or I'll perform oral on her. This has been going on for almost 2 years. A few days ago, I saw a small vibrator in a sex store online and decided to buy it so I can use it on her during oral. (I've thought about buying one in the past, but for some reason, just never did)

I told her about it and she seemed very anxious to use it (telling me that she wanted to see it twice, but I told her I have to wait for it in the mail). But basically, I am very good at giving her oral and to be honest, there has never been a time where I started pleasing her and she did not orgasm. With that said, I'm wondering if when she gets this brand new toy she will use it and be extremely happy with it to the point where the vibrator stimulates her clit and helps her reach an orgasm better than my mouth ever can/will. I'm not second guessing whether or not I should use it on her and let her keep it.

Has anybody been in a similar situation? If so, what did happen when the new toy was introduced and how did it effect your sex lives from then on?

cl

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
Fri, 09-09-2005 - 10:24am

I'm not sure what your problem is......you're worried she'll like the vibrator better than you? That's highly unlikely! Why did you order it in the first place? Are you surprised that she's anxious to see it and/or use it? Why not, she's curious.

I know they're very popular, but they'll never replace a man! I was given one under similar circumstances (a surprise) and my reaction was, "that's nice, now put it away and do what you do better than any vibrator ever can!"

You state that she reaches orgasm only one of two ways....and that's been going on for two years. That's the way MOST women reach orgasm. If you're thinking something is wrong because she's NOT having an orgasm from intercourse, you're wrong. About 80% of women don't, unless they're getting clitoral or "g" spot stimulation at the same time. Women aren't like men, and intercourse isn't the be-all end-all for most women. Not that we don't like it, but it's NOT how most of us have orgasms. If a man's penis is his main sex organ, the the corresponding female sex organ is the clitoris. Same anatomy, and even more sensitive than your penis. You have 4000 nerve endings in the head of your penis, she has 8000 nerve endings in her clitoris. She has none inside her vagina, with the exception of the "g" spot. If you want to really drive her crazy, use your fingers to find the "g" spot while you're giving her oral.

Don't worry about the vibrator, it's a toy, and the novelty of it will pass.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Fri, 09-09-2005 - 10:30am

Dh and I have quite a few sex toys, all different kinds.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 09-09-2005 - 11:01am

As Dakine already pointed out, most women orgasm the way your partner does. That's not unusual in the least. And as Tish pointed out, vibrators aren't just for women! My DH and I use vibrators on each other or during intercourse.

But a vibrator and oral stimulation don't even feel remotely similar. The vibrator will never replace you, if that's what you're worried about.

I gather by your board name that you enjoy cunnilingus and if your partner orgasms regularly, as you say, you must be fairly proficient at it. You shouldn't be concerned. IF anything, the vibrator will only enhance your sexual activity. I know it does ours.




Edited 9/9/2005 11:06 am ET ET by katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2005
Fri, 09-09-2005 - 11:34am

Thanks for all of the positive feedback. But there's one thing I guess I forgot to mention in my initial post. Both me and my gf are virgins (vaginal/anal intercourse). But I've always assumed that when we do have sex she won't be having orgasms, so I'm prepared to do w/e it takes so during intercourse we both can reach our orgasms.

Thanks again, hopefully more people will have something to say about this.

cl

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2004
Fri, 09-09-2005 - 1:57pm
The answer to your real question is that the vibrator will never replace you.

--


martinisnsushi - living the good life since 1963


CL Redbook "Get Inside His Head"

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martinisnsushi - the two most important food groups!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
Fri, 09-09-2005 - 3:19pm

"I'm prepared to do w/e it takes so during intercourse we both can reach our orgasms"

You're building yourself up for disappointment, because YOU can't do anything to give her orgasms, either orally or vaginally. It's all up to her knowing how to let it happen, and allowing it to happen. Don't make it a goal for yourself OR for her to have orgasms during intercourse, because if she's one of the 20% that doesn't, then she doesn't. Even if she does, simultaneous orgasms are difficult, and it takes couples a long time to learn to do that, if ever. Don't set goals, just learn to enjoy everything that's happening.

Also, having orgasms is NOT the be-all end-all of sex. It's not the reason that we HAVE sex. It's a bonus, nothing more. Having sex is enjoying intimacy with someone you love, and if either of you has a climax or orgasm, GREAT, but it's not necessary to have them to enjoy sex. Don't start thinking now that when you finally take that last step, it's going to be nirvana. It's not much different than what you're doing right now, just something else to do. The first time or two, it might be exciting, but after that, it's just another part of sex. You don't stop the foreplay that you're doing now, it's just an addition to what you're doing now.

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 09-09-2005 - 4:09pm

Sounds like you already have a satisfying sexual relationship so intercourse will only add another element to it.

However, allow your GF to be responsible for her own orgasm while you assume responsibility for yours and you'll both enjoy sex much more. Take that pressure off so that you can enjoy each session for what it is, orgasm or no orgasm. There is pleasure to be enjoyed regardless.

That's not to say that you should ONLY be concerned about your own pleasure (and visa versa) but realize that intercourse is very different than other sexual stimulation and that it could take some time to discover it's possibilities AND limitations for you both.

BTW, unless you've already discussed the possibility of anal sex in the future, you shouldn't assume that she will automatically be interested. She may not be.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2005
Fri, 09-09-2005 - 4:47pm

You touched on anal sex at the end. I brought it up a while ago because we're still virgins (intercourse) and I figured I could have anal sex and that is much safer than vaginal. But she is TOTALLY against anything sexual that has to do with the anus. She won't touch or do anything that relates to the anus with me so thats not an option, unfortunately.

Someone else posted saying that I shouldn't make it my goal for us to both consistantly orgasm when we finally do have sex. And when I looked at what I said I realized I was a little off. It's true, I should just let myself go, and whatever happens, happens. Even though sex is still a long way down the road, I'll always keep that in mind just in case.

Oh, and I know this is going to sound really bad, but whenever I am intimate with my gf whether it be oral, manual, or any type of physical sexual contact & I don't cum??? I get frustrated and sometimes to the point of getting mad. For example let's say we're in bed and she starts playing with my penis and my boys and naturally I stand at a fully attention withing seconds. So she starts kissing and then after a little bit, she'll say "ok that's enough" and completely stop. She says she stops because she doesn't want me to get "too excited". In my mind I'm sayin TOO LATE FOR THAT! But at the same time, when I'm horny or in a horny mood, the wind could blow a certain way and I'll get hard. Like sometimes when my gf comes over we'll be in bed, and just the fact that she has on these little shorts and small t shirt and I'm so close I start feeling on her and bam, I'm up like the American flag at a sports game. So on days like those when I get really aroused and nothing happens, I get mad and frustrated.

cl

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Fri, 09-09-2005 - 6:40pm

Why doesn't she let you finish with manual or oral sex?


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2005
Sat, 09-10-2005 - 3:52pm
not to worry a vibrator could never compare to the real thing!

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