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i need help
| Fri, 09-16-2005 - 11:13pm |
I am currently dating a man who is very passonate in his kissing. He really gets me going BUT...when we do get started, he has a "hard" time getting an erection. Even when I go down on him, he still stays soft. He ends up giving himself a handjob to finish up. It makes me feel like I have no purpose.I don't know what the problem is and I have never experienced this with any other man. On the contrary, they had a hard time holding back. ANY suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

It's not unusual for a man to have an occasional problem getting an erection. You didn't say how long you've been with this guy, how well you know him, how old he is and how much experience he's had with women. If this is a new relationship, he might just be nervous. Does he get an erection when he masturbates? If he does, then it's nothing physical.
It also has nothing to do with you. If you were "superfluous", then he'd just stay home alone and masturbate. If this is a new relationship, then cut him some slack, don't make an issue out of it, and let him get more comfortable with you. If it continues, then he's got some kind of issues about sex.....if he can do it himself, but not with you. Wait and see if it continues, and if so, then it's up to you to either accept that he has a problem, or move on if you don't want to deal with it. You might suggest that he sees a doctor about it, and if he gets a clean bill of health, then maybe he needs some counselling to deal with whatever is bothering him.
There's really nothing you can do but be patient. It's his erection, and his "problem". Have you asked him about it? Maybe he's always been this way. If you're like most women, he can always pleasure you during foreplay, and then the semi-erection won't bother you so much.
If this continues, then he should see an Urologist. You still didn't mention his age, but if he's older, he could have other physical problems that could affect an erection. Things like high blood pressure, diabetes, or other circulatory problems. These things can happen to a younger man, but it's more likely in an older man. Some medications also can affect an erection......BP medication, and anti-depressants are two of the worst culprits.
The only thing that YOU can do is be patient and understanding. Whether it's physical or emotional, it's something that HE needs to take care of. You can't do it for him.
I once dated a guy who had a similar problem.
He was a well endowed, Well built solid as a rock Marine. Perfectly healthy, and couldnt keep his hands off of me. He wanted sex all the time... but he would always want to do foreplay FOREVER and never actually get to the intercourse. He never really wanted me to give him oral sex or anything either. He only wanted to play with me...Why?
Because he was very embarrassed about his ability to keep an erection. we would start having intercourse with his penis pretty much erect and within 2 to 3 minutes he'd lose the erection stop and just play with me while he waited for his erection to come back.
We had several conversations, as I wasnt sure what the problem was... he swore that there was nothing for me to differently. And asked me to just be patient when he lost his erection, and promised he'd keep me going while he waited for it to come back. Sometimes it didnt come back and he would finish me off in creative ways, with never a complaint.
This guy was a fantastic lover, I mean so thorough and attentive he could look at you and read you and do exactly what you were thinking. the only way to give him an erection seemed to be to let him finger and lick me. and he would do it while looking me strait in the eyes and smiling.
oh jeez, erotic memories. if My husband new I was recalling a memory like this so fondly he'd go berserk! lol
ANyway - Moral to the story... if this is something that is 'normal' for this guy, you and him will be able to find ways around it that please you both.