Is it a big deal...
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Is it a big deal...
| Fri, 09-30-2005 - 5:30pm |
For guys if their girlfriend never has an orgasm during sex? I've never been able to orgasm while having sex with my boyfriend (including oral). Do you think it is a big deal for men. I guess what I'm trying to ask is will my boyfriend end up leaving me because he is not able to make me orgasm? I for one do not have a problem with not having an orgasm. I love the intimacy of having sex with him. I know that in time I will but I'm wondering if he will start thinking that I am too much work trying to get me to orgasm and it doesn't seem to be working. Please share your thoughts. Also, I've never had an orgasm in my past relationships either but the only way that I have is using a bullet.

As you said yourself, you still enjoy sex with your partner though. So while your guy might like for you to orgasm from his stimulation, it's not unusual that you can't. At this point anyway. Many men have not learned to orgasm from a partner's stimulation either. But you CAN learn how.
I would suggest putting the bullet away keeping partner sex and manual masturbation as your only sexual outlets. With time, you should become more responsive to his touch. No man will ever be able to replicate those vibrations, so it's best to learn to respond to what a partner CAN provide.
But to answer your question, no, it's not likely that a man who loves a woman would leave her simply because she doesn't orgasm during intercourse or partner sex. And if he did, then he's not the right guy anyway. Just don't be tempted to fake. It's dishonest.
Edited 9/30/2005 5:50 pm ET ET by katmandoo2001
You know better than we do what type of man your bf is and what type of value he places on your relationship. Now, there been breakups out there due to lack of orgasm from either gender?, yes. Does that relate to relationship?, why should it? Only you and your bf will know.
I'd personally guess that you two know each other well enough to know this since you're well acquainted enough for sex. Keep focusing on that intimacy and have fun with what you currently ARE able to enjoy. There's been just PLENTY of times when the Mrs. or I weren't able to orgasm...still fun though. Not a bad idea for 'both' of you to remember that as nice as orgasm is, the lack of it shouldn't totally ruin it for you and it is not as rare as may be advertised...it DOES happen and likely more often than is reported.
Your wording specifically mentioned not being able to orgasm "with" your bf, so can we assume that you able to when pleasing yourself at all? If you are, then that would almost automatically mean that something 'could' be worked out for both you eventually...even with time and lots of fun practice.
C H A R A C T E R
Only you know what YOUR boyfriend is thinking or feeling about your lack of orgasms! A man who understands the female sexual response wouldn't leave a woman who doesn't have orgasms, because he knows he has nothing to do with it!
He cannot "make" you have orgasms! That's entirely up to you to learn how, and to allow it to happen. He can help you if you know yourself what it takes....but he doesn't "make" it happen, you do. The greatest lover in the world can't give you orgasms if you don't know how to have them.
As you said, you enjoy the intimacy of it, and if that's not enough for him....then he's the one with a problem.....maybe too much ego, or maybe not enough knowledge of how your body works, or both.
The way you have orgasms is to not think about orgasms at all. What you're supposed to be thinking about is the pleasure that you're having. You say you enjoy it, then enjoy it without worrying about what is NOT happening. Just having the thought in your mind is preventing you from relaxing and allowing it to happen! When you use your bullet, you know you will have an orgasm, and you're not thinking about it, you're just enjoying the feeling, and it happens. You might just want to put that away, and learn to do it with a real man.....you know what you do with that, have him do the same thing with his hands or mouth.....
If you're expecting an orgasm from intercourse alone, it's probably not going to happen, simply because about 80% of women don't have them during intercourse unless they're getting clitoral stimulation at the same time. You can do it, he can do it, or your position can do it. Have you tried that? Check out www.the-clitoris.com for more info on the whole subject, and have him read it too.
Your original question.....if he left you because of that, he's not much of a loss!