Boyfriend hurts

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2005
Boyfriend hurts
8
Tue, 10-04-2005 - 6:15am

my bf injured himself about 3 weeks ago whilst we were having sex. he ripped his foreskin and it really REALLY hurt him and i felt really REALLY bad. this has happened before but usually it takes about two days for things to go back to normal and things always heal up nicely. this time though we haven't even been able to have proper sex since 3 weeks ago, as it is still sore for him. its affecting me, i have never gone this long without real sex with him for eight months. the sex we are having now if at all is very tentative and always controlled by him beause if i go on top i might hurt him. we are still intimate, but even oral sex is painful for him. im running out of ideas, i told him to go to the doctors but he doesnt want to as he is scared they will circumsize him! I said so what, it will sort out the problem, but he is adamant that he will not have it. has anyone else had this problem or knows what to do? are there any creams or solutions anyone can think of?

thanks in advance

xxcalixx

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
In reply to: take_cali
Tue, 10-04-2005 - 7:08am

If he has not healed in 3 weeks, he doesn't have a choice but to see a doctor, it could be infected which might need medications for it to heal.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-15-2003
In reply to: take_cali
Tue, 10-04-2005 - 10:50am

Cali,

I've never heard of anyone tearing their foreskin during sex. The foreskin is designed for that activity and if he is having problems with it healing etc. he really needs to see a doctor. It may be that he is one of the small percentage of men that actually need to be circumcized. The procedure is common in the US, but is done mostly for asthetics...however, there are men that need the procedure just due to how their foreskins developed. THis is genetic.

Having said that, it could be an entirely different problem that he's having, and as Tish said no one can make you have a circumcision if you don't want to.

Good luck,
Scott.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
In reply to: take_cali
Tue, 10-04-2005 - 11:17am

I agree with the others. He needs to see a doctor. Any kind of "wound", cut finger, torn foreskin, or whatever should heal in about a week. If it doesn't there's a problem.

Tell him that if a person has an infection in their foot, if it's not taken care of, they can lose the foot! Let him think about THAT one!

He need to have it taken care of, and also he needs to find out why this happens over and over. If circumcision is the solution, then he can decide against it, and continue to have this problem. It also might be simply that you're not lubricated enough, or that he's too "aggressive" and needs to slow down a little.

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: take_cali
Tue, 10-04-2005 - 1:26pm

Remind your BF that a dr. cannot perform surgery on you against your will! LOL! They can suggest or recommend a procedure but the patient is in control of what happens to him or her.

And he's probably completely healed but he's fearful of tearing his foreskin again so he's avoiding sex altogether....understandable but not a very practical solution to the problem. His problem was caused by dryness so the way to treat it is with lots of extra lube like KY, Astroglide or some other, applied liberally to his erection.

He does need to talk with his dr. if that doesn't alleviate the problem though.




Edited 10/4/2005 1:31 pm ET ET by katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
In reply to: take_cali
Wed, 10-05-2005 - 1:52am

How is it torn? Is it near the tip of the foreskin or along the shaft?
I ask because I can't figure out how someone can regularly tear their foreskin if everything is normal and working as it should. I can understand a nasty accident with sharp finger nails, a zipper, or very dry sex, but I can't understand how it would tear under normal circumstances - ever.

If it is split or torn near the tip he may be afraid of getting circumsized because he actually knows why it's tearing. It may be that his foreskin is too tight and will need surgical help to make room and loosen it up ie. circumcision. This is a problem that a few guys have - sometimes the foreskin just doesn't easily withdraw over the head when the penis is erect and it's too tight and can tear.

Regardless of where it's torn, he does need to see the Doctor. It worries me that this is not the first time it has happened. Regular tearing indicates that something is very wrong and he needs to get it sorted out.

BTW, you won't die if you don't have sex for a while and you can always have oral sex and masturbate for a while if necessary. Just bear in mind that he has a medical issue happening here and it's not like it's his choice either. If you were a guy and you had mentioned your frustration at the lack of sex the women here would have shot you down faster than you could have typed it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-07-2005
In reply to: take_cali
Wed, 10-05-2005 - 6:18am

i know i wont die if im not having sex for a while, and as I said, we're still intimate and i'd be worried if we werent doing anything sexual at all, i just want the problem sorted because he loves sex and he's good at it and i know its frustrating for him too. in regard to the question about where its torn, it was caused by me not being lubricated enough, a problem i have now solved with help from this board, and it was torn at the underside of the glans, where its attatched. this was due to it being rolled back to far and its nothing to do with him being too tight, more like there is too much! anyway, I will suggest to him the possibility that it might be infected, i had a look at it last night and its still quite red and inflamed and the skin does not look as though its healed properly.

thank you for all your replies.

xxxcalixxx

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
In reply to: take_cali
Wed, 10-05-2005 - 5:14pm

That's a tricky spot for it to tear because there is a lot of pulling and stress placed on that small area. Don't blame yourself for this. Although you weren't lubricated enough you can trust me when I say that he would have been able to feel that you weren't lubricated enough. He would have been able to feel the discomfort on his penis BEFORE it ripped, but he went ahead and forced it into you anyway. If anyone is to blame it's him for ignoring your lack of lubrication and forcing himself in.

It's possible that it could take weeks of healing for that area to be strong enough to withstand the forces of intercourse again. And depending on the type of damage and how well it has healed, I also think that it might be very likely that the Doctor will suggest a circumsizion. Although the area can heal, it has been seriously weakened and there is a good chance that it can rip again and again. If he has a circumsizion that will remove all the foreskin but it will also remove that small damaged area and there will be nothing left to stretch and rip.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
In reply to: take_cali
Thu, 10-06-2005 - 4:23am

I agree with the others that he needs to see a doctor.