Oral

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2003
Oral
30
Tue, 10-04-2005 - 6:08pm
hmm most of you know ive been with my boyfriend for 2 years and i LOvE him so much,.. LATELY now he talks about me doing this all the time (oral) and i just cant. i cant even see myself doing that. I always yell at him "NO! im never going to do it! And he gets really upset. "He tells me if i do it he would be so happy and blah blah.. but i just cant see myself doing it or why i would even want to do it. in the beginning of our relationship, the first year, i allowed him to get oral from other women because i didnt care, it just grossed me out but now i dont want him with no other woman now that im sexually active with him.
But i just dont know what to do, everytime i think about it i gross out... any kind of suggestions?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
In reply to: naleiya
Tue, 10-04-2005 - 6:22pm

What is it that grosses you out about it?


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2003
In reply to: naleiya
Tue, 10-04-2005 - 7:05pm
i dont know its just something that i cant see myself doing. i really love him and like him alot so its not him as a person its just what i dont want to do but then i feel bad b/c he says he NEEDS it but i dont know maybe i will feel differant if i was married and did it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
In reply to: naleiya
Tue, 10-04-2005 - 7:21pm

He doesn't need it but it's something he wants/desires and the majority of guys do love it.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2004
In reply to: naleiya
Tue, 10-04-2005 - 7:25pm
Some women don't like to do it, plain and simple. I have a friend who categorically refuses to place a penis in or even near her mouth. I mean I have no problem with it but I can appreciate other perspectives. I have read that there are even women who have a phobia of doing it, since it's used for going to the bathroom etc. I think as long as you are fun and turn him on in other ways he can deal. I don't think it would be fun to have other women doing this to him though, even if it's not your bag.
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: naleiya
Tue, 10-04-2005 - 10:34pm
If you don't want to do it, then don't. He'll survive. I never gave oral to any other man before my DH and I don't regret it at all.


Edited 10/4/2005 10:35 pm ET ET by katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
In reply to: naleiya
Tue, 10-04-2005 - 11:42pm

If you think it's gross and disgusting now, getting married isn't going to make you think it's wonderful. He doesn't NEED oral sex, he doesn't NEED sex at all, but he likes it, and he'd like you to do it for him. Frankly, if you don't want to, then don't, but don't be surprised if he gets it elsewhere, since you allowed him to do that.

If you truly loved him, you wouldn't think anything about him was gross or disgusting!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
In reply to: naleiya
Wed, 10-05-2005 - 2:00am

Like the others have said, it's definitely your choice and your right to choose what you do and don't do as far as sex go. But it does seem a shame that you don't like doing it.

But I can certainly see why he would be disappointed and is having trouble accepting that you won't or don't like to do it. After-all, it is a very common sex act, is generally regarded to be easy to do, is pretty inoffensive and harmless, and it is very pleasurable for the guy.

He doesn't NEED it, and I doubt that you will feel different after you are married. Why do you think that you might feel different about it when you are married?

What is it about it that you don't like?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2003
In reply to: naleiya
Wed, 10-05-2005 - 2:52am
i never said it would be great or differant by giving oral to my husband but i said i'd feel more comfortable. i've never done it so i cant say i dont like it but i just cant imagine myself doing that. plain and simple.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2002
In reply to: naleiya
Wed, 10-05-2005 - 6:05am

I don't understand your logic about the being more comfortable if you were married? Why would being married make a difference? Would your love be significantly different as to make you want to do it? I don't think so. Would you do it out of obligation because you have a ring on your finger? I don't think so.

You can't imagine yourself doing it, but I think it's a little unfair to refuse to do it when you haven't even tried it. I used to hate giving my ex oral sex, because I didn't like the taste of him, and he had this smell that I couldn't stand. But with the guy I'm currently seeing, oral sex isn't an issue, and I actually enjoy it for the first time.

Just my 2c.

Janet

 


 


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2003
In reply to: naleiya
Wed, 10-05-2005 - 8:02am

I didn't like it either when I was your age. I thought the whole thing was a pretty gross idea (you want me to put WHAT, WHERE? ewwww). I *knew* people did it and enjoyed it but I just couldn't see myself doing it. And of course, back then, oral wasn't something as commonly done amongst pickups and casual acquaintances as it is now. A blow job wasn't the equivilent of a good night kiss as it seems to be for many dates.

However, as I grew and matured, I realized that it was something I could do for DH that would give him great pleasure. He is the only man I have ever performed oral sex on, even though I had other partners before him. He gently encouraged me but didn't press the issue and I found myself wanting to do it for him, as well as expand my sexual repertoire. As I became more comfortable with his body, my body and the things our bodies did together, I became more comfortable with the idea. I was afraid that I wouldn't do it right, or that there would be no warning, that he would come in my mouth and I'd gag or something. But quite honestly, sucking on a penis is no different than sucking on a finger, just larger. It doesn't have to finish with ejaculation and most of the time for us, it doesn't. It's just foreplay. But it just took some time for me to get to that point.

Some people never learn to enjoy giving or receiving. I would imagine that most people get to the point where they're ok with it though. But you've had sex, what once? Twice? And then a pretty traumatic aftermath. You may need to be more comfortable with sex itself, and with your relationship before you get to that point and that's fine. This is still all pretty new to you, so don't sweat it.

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