Only Oral?
Find a Conversation
Only Oral?
| Mon, 10-10-2005 - 5:49pm |
My guys only wants me to give him oral sex. I enjoy doing it for him because he likes it and it makes him happy, but I feel unwanted when he doesn't return any of the favours for me. It's at the point where I tell him I won't do it for him unless I get sex, which he'll only do for about fifteen minutes before asking for oral again. He says he enjoys sex, but prefers when I go down on him a lot more. I don't know how to nicely tell him that I have sexual needs to that need to be addressed. Why doesn't he want to do things for me like I do for him?

"Why doesn't he want to do things for me like I do for him?" Hmmmmmmm. Could it be that he's selfish? Sure sounds like it to me. I think you should rethink this relationship.
IF one partner is doing all the giving and repeated requests for reciprocation are being ignored, then maybe you're not as important to him as you should be!
But....he couldn't take advantage of you if you weren't willing! Stop being a pushover and stand up for what's important to you. If he cared, as he should, he would WANT to please you as much as you please him. Think about it.
Edited 10/11/2005 12:43 am ET ET by katmandoo2001
>>Why doesn't he want to do things for me like I do for him?<<
I think that the short version is that he is selfish and lazy. Obviously he enjoys the good BJ's that you give him more than intercourse - he can just lie back and have an easy and good orgasm from a BJ and not worry about your needs or the strenuous exercise that is required for intercourse. Even though I am a guy I'm not sure that I totally understand that. I know that I couldn't live by BJ alone and would eventually want intercourse. But I _can_ see how he could easily go for several weeks with BJ's only.
I think that some guys have this macho idea in their heads that it's up to the woman to do all the work during sex and it's the guy's right to let the woman "please her man". He probably doesn't even conciously think of that, but that's what he is doing. And you are going along with it too. So far you have let him do this and you haven't complained or really said that there is anything wrong with what he's (not) doing.
>>I don't know how to nicely tell him that I have sexual needs<<
What you really mean is that you CAN say it nicely but you are worried that no matter how you say it, you'll hurt his feelings. Well, the news for you is that you are going to HAVE to tell him and you will more than likely find the situation uncomfortable while you are telling him. The situation isn't uncomfortable because you are telling him that he is lazy and that you have needs. He already knows that but he doesn't care because you have let him away with it. It will be uncomfortable because you have finally gotten the nerve up to confront him.
My advice? Don't worry about being "nice". Be "nice" but don't worry about it too much. This is not about hurting his feelings - after-all, he doesn't care about yours too much either. Just simply tell him what the problem is, and tell him that you know that he is not doing as much as he could, and that you want him to do more in the bedroom because so far is he is being selfish and unfair.
I'm agreeing with Kat and Westie.
Yes, you definitely catch more flys with honey than vinegar, HOWEVER, not sure she should want to keep THIS particular "fly" around!
Sometimes, helping someone overcome selfish tendencies just isn't worth all the effort it takes. Only she can decide if he's worth it or not.
As long as she continues giving in to his demands though, he'll continue using those tactics. At some point, she has to put her foot down and say "No."
And as Westie mentioned, if he's one of those men who believes that women should be pleased by pleasing, then there may not be any hope for him.
Edited 10/11/2005 4:00 pm ET by katmandoo2001
Edited 10/12/2005 12:45 am ET by katmandoo2001
Did you ever watch Sex In the City?
One of the many episodes when oral sex was discussed "over lunch", the concensus (and I agree) was:
I only give head to get head.
What a jerk. Does he think you are for "hire"? He does not get to call all the shots, so to speak. You've got the "goodies" baby, don't let him have what he wants unless you are getting what you want.
If he won't share, he can't play anymore. Go find someone that appreciates your sexuality.