question from a former devout catholic
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question from a former devout catholic
| Sun, 10-16-2005 - 10:54am |
i grew up in a very religious family that made me repress my sexuality and feel guilty towards enjoying physical plesuare (clearly my family doesn't reflect on all catholics however). i have a serious girl friend whom i slept with, but the problem is that although i have a decent erection, i fail to enter her properly since i can't find get it in the right angle and even when i succeed it's not plesuarable. i can't drive myself towards a point of no return since i'm not enjoying it. the plesuare i get from masterbation or when she comes down on me is much greater. i want to enjoy entering her and make it feel more than a strange rub, but what should i do? thanks!!!

How long have you been with your g/f and is she your first sexual partner?
YOu have to get to the point where you start thinking for yourself, and deciding what is right or wrong for YOU. Our parents teach us what they think is right for us. They were taught the same things by their parents. I think Catholics are much more strict on these things than some other religions, but it's not only Catholics that teach their children these things.
Parents try to protect their children from harm, and from bad things happening to them. Particularly girls! They know that there are men who will take advantage of young innocent girls, so they teach them that sex is BAD. They teach them that no man will respect a woman who is promiscuous. They teach them that no man can love a woman who is "used merchandise". These young girls have been told that most of their childhood, so when they grow up, they have three choices. They can believe what they've been told, and wind up frigid and disgusted with sex. They can rebel, and ignore all morals and common sense behavior, or they can start to think for themselves, and decide what is right or wrong for themselves.
That's what you have to do for yourself. Your parents taught you what they thought was right, and what they thought would keep you safe and happy. It's what THEY were taught.
Do you honestly think that having sex with someone you care about is BAD? Who is being harmed, as long as you don't cause an unwanted pregnancy, or spread a disease? If you are a consenting adult, and she is a consenting adult, where is the harm?
If you want to enjoy sex, you have to stop feeling guilty about it. How you do that is up to you.....but if you think about the fact that you are doing no harm, that should help.
Welcome to board, david. Hopefully your situation will be discussed with more helpful detail here. :)
Reservations , just like yours, will obviously cause many of us guys to not have good enough erections for satisfying intercourse, to say nothing about penetration. You indicated that your erections during penetration attempts are adequate though, so moving on from there...
If I read you correctly and she is enjoying herself while being on top, then I personally would just stay with what works for now so long as at least SHE is enjoying. As far as what can do to really enjoy her, it sounds like you need to resolve those reservations you have about the whole experience by treating her like your wife or simply making her your wife. Being a devoted authentic Christian myself, I went through your same feelings when first involved with Lady Para, now Mrs. Para.
You may also find some help, psychologically anyway, from the Christian Dating message board which I myself truly found fanctastic!:
Christian Dating
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rlchristians
I suggest reading a few of their topics first prior to posting details, that way you'll know what is and isn't accetable to post there regarding details. Good luck to you. Hope the replies can help you.
C H A R A C T E R
If I am understanding you correctly, you are acknowledging some emotional issues about your sexuality that might play a role, but you think its perhaps a physical problem, even as simple as angle of entrty, that is causing your problem?
At the risk of making your "guilt" worse, I suggest you look into some alternative positions for sex. While it has its limitations, the Kama Sutra is a good place to start... and the best rendition I have seen is an educational video from Bettersex.com.
Be warned, it is completely graphic, that is pornographic, couples demonstrate the positions not clinically, but being filmed during there actual lovemaking. In fact, its more arousing than virtually any porn Ive seen before because these seem to be real loving couples, not actors.
Anyway, your upbring already has you fighting a guilt that you need to pray about and let go of. God made us this way, and encourages us to be loving, not just reproducing...and Paul even assures us we have spousal DUTY tio see to our loved ones happiness. But that aside, you may need to try some variety to your positions, and this involves LEARNING with your partner. That requires communication and frank openness, and maybe the study in book form, or as I recommend, video, of some alternatives to what is currently NOT working for you.
One last thing, if you hesitate to view pornography, and part of that is because you see it as a sinful exploitation of the perforrmers, the times have changed and the industry is not what it used to be. But even so, the video I recomend just doesnt have the feel of pronography. I believe it is real couples who are willing to let the camera record real lovemaking.
Whatever you do, dont give up, communicate as you can with your partner. And if you work it out together, you will have gone through something that will build your intimacy on all levels, not just the physical..
You can discard everything you learned about sexuality as repressive and do whatever you want.