Am I a tease?
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Am I a tease?
| Mon, 10-24-2005 - 8:35am |
I am 20 years old and was not very sexually experienced until my current BF. From the beginning we were able to talk about anything. For example, we have discussed how he has had a couple of sexual partners while I have had none. I am completely okay with that.
Also, we right away discussed how for him having a girl give him oral is a bigger deal than intercourse and he has to know her better and feel more comfortable with her for that to happen (which, btw, I thought was a little weird, but I'm not judging :-P, hehe). Anyway, for me sex is a very big deal and I am still a virgin. Anyway, my first night with my current guy, after having the talk about how I wasn't ready for sex and how he wasn't ready for oral, he ended up WANTING oral. Which I thought was weird, since he had just told me that it was such a big deal for him! I wonder if it was when he found out that I wouldn't be having sex with him, he decided to cave in because his desire was stronger than his morales or whatever you want to call it. Anyway, we have now been in a relationship for a few months and he doesn't pressure me to have sex, but I obviously know he wants it. He sometimes makes comments when we are doing sexual activities, not intercourse, such as, that he would love to make love to me at that moment repeatly, over and over again, etc. These comments get me really hot and sometimes cause me to tease him a little bit. Is that unfair of me? Is it bad to tease him and make him really want sex when he and I know hes not going to get it. He knows that I am not teasing him to make him think that we are going to have sex, I just do it to get him excited. But, is it unfair to get a guy really thinking and wanting sex when he's not going to get it?
Also, we right away discussed how for him having a girl give him oral is a bigger deal than intercourse and he has to know her better and feel more comfortable with her for that to happen (which, btw, I thought was a little weird, but I'm not judging :-P, hehe). Anyway, for me sex is a very big deal and I am still a virgin. Anyway, my first night with my current guy, after having the talk about how I wasn't ready for sex and how he wasn't ready for oral, he ended up WANTING oral. Which I thought was weird, since he had just told me that it was such a big deal for him! I wonder if it was when he found out that I wouldn't be having sex with him, he decided to cave in because his desire was stronger than his morales or whatever you want to call it. Anyway, we have now been in a relationship for a few months and he doesn't pressure me to have sex, but I obviously know he wants it. He sometimes makes comments when we are doing sexual activities, not intercourse, such as, that he would love to make love to me at that moment repeatly, over and over again, etc. These comments get me really hot and sometimes cause me to tease him a little bit. Is that unfair of me? Is it bad to tease him and make him really want sex when he and I know hes not going to get it. He knows that I am not teasing him to make him think that we are going to have sex, I just do it to get him excited. But, is it unfair to get a guy really thinking and wanting sex when he's not going to get it?

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For many people, oral is a bigger deal than intercourse, it's not that unusal at all.
To answer your question about teasing.....put yourself in his position for one second. How would YOU like being teased with something you desired and enjoyed but never got? It's not fun UNLESS you know that it's only teasing for the moment but a follow through is coming.
There is a name for girls who tease and it's not flattering.
And I can tell you that doing everything BUT intercourse makes it MUCH harder to stop yourself when you need to. Think twice about allowing yourselves to go too far if you really want to wait for intercourse.
BTW, does he reciprocate with the oral or are you only providing it for him?
I agree with the others. If you have no intention of doing something, then don't act like you do......because YES, that's teasing. Also, you don't have to do ANYTHING to get the guy "excited".....because he is already, or he wouldn't be there!
I agree with Tish, for many people, oral sex is a lot more intimate that intercourse...and he might have told you that so that you wouldn't expect him to do it for YOU! I haven't ever gotten the impression from a guy that he would turn down fellatio because it's too intimate, but there are lots of guys that don't like to GIVE oral sex, (not because it's too intimate, they just don't LIKE it!) and he might be one of them.
Don't play games with guys. It can come back to bite you. And, don't feel that you have to give in and have intercourse just because HE wants it. If he cares about you, he'll wait as long as he has to wait. If he keeps bugging you about it, I'd suspect his motives.
There is more than one way to skin a cat and more than one way to satisfy a man. I know. I'm a man, and I remember what it was like in my 20's. You are not a tease because YOU TOLD HIM UPFRONT what the ground rules were.
Anyway, go buy some KY heat sensation oil, slather it on his penis, and give him a hand job while you whisper all the dirty things you would like to do to him in his ear. If he gets as visually stimulated as I do, put on some high heels and rub those up and down his shin while you're getting him off.
Make sure you're not in the line of fire when that thing goes off! ;)
Sorry Tex, I disagree. Women change their minds all the time and he's probably hoping that she will each time. But if she's telling him she will, in the heat of the moment anyway, but then she doesn't, then that's teasing.
The very definition of teasing is to dangle something in front of someone and then take it away. Not very nice. Of course, it's a game that takes two to play. He'll only put up with this if he cares enough otherwise, it will likely get too frustrating for him.
First off, thank you all so much for your responses!
You guys asked a lot of questions, and I'll try to remember them all. Here it goes:
cl-issytish said: "I personally never really understood why people do oral and everything else sexual but not intercourse unless it's because of a fear of getting pregnant."
My response: "I know there are ways to prevent against pregnancy, but that is not it. For me, the idea of sex has more significance bc of the fact that this is the way that a baby is created and by having him enter me we are doing an act that has such significant meaning in life and evolution. I am not sure if that makes any sense, I have trouble expressing the way I feel about this particular subject :-P. Also, thank you so much for your insight into why it is that oral may have more significance to him; what you said makes a lot of sense. I just don't understand why he then turned around and dismissed what he had just said about not wanting to do oral that early on in our relationship and wanted to do it suddenly."
As for my teasing, I am definitely not making him think that I am going to have IC with him. It's more about doing things to get his desire level as high as I can. Which come to think of it is a lot of what romantic encounters in the bedroom are about. For example, guys will sometimes watch or look at pornography to get themselves off. They don't actually get to have the women they are looking at, but it does the job!
katmandoo2001 asked: "does he reciprocate with the oral or are you only providing it for him?"
My response: "Haha, no he DEFINITELY reciprocates! He is very adament on making sure that I feel like I am getting and giving the exact amount I want :-D"
texrex suggested: "go buy some KY heat sensation oil, slather it on his penis, and give him a hand job while you whisper all the dirty things you would like to do to him in his ear"
My response: "Whats the difference between oil and lube?. Also, what kinds of things could I whisper... I am terible at the whole talking dirty thing, haha. I am not shy at all and wouldn't mind doing it, and I know he would LOVE it!"
katmandoo2001 said: "But if she's telling him she will, in the heat of the moment anyway, but then she doesn't, then that's teasing."
My response: "I have NEVER told him that I would have intercourse with him! I don't tease by saying I will do things and then not. Now that would be cruel! I tease with my actions. For example, I'll lean my body in like I'm going to let him go inside of me, and then I'll pull away and then I'll go give him and BJ or something like that..."
I was going to say the same thing, Tish. And THAT'S the ultimate in teasing, IMO!
Playing a very dangerous game there, dollysface.
It's all opinion and perception. If he knows that up front, then he know where to set his expectations.
There is no right or wrong answer. Just opinions.
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