How should I approach this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-25-2005
How should I approach this?
6
Wed, 10-26-2005 - 8:17pm

I recently became intimate with the guy I'm with and when we have sex, he's totally silent. No moans, no keep doing that not even a sound when he ejaculates . . . I've never been with anyone like this and . . . it bothers me. Vocal communication during sex is a big factor to me, especially because it reassures me that I'm doing something right.

After we had sex I mentioned that he was quiet during and if everything was okay, he said everything was great. He tells me he's satisfied so I don't think it's that.

How can I approach this topic with him and and tell him how important it is to me without making him feel self conscious. Also, what would cause him to be like this? I would appreciate any input.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2005
Wed, 10-26-2005 - 8:27pm

My husband is like that and it took the longest time to get used to it. I really think some men are just silent in bed like some women. I myself am very vocal. When i ask my H did he like it or whatever he always says it was great.

But it is very irritating to go along making love for 45 minutes to the sound of his silence or giving him a great HJ or oral and getting no feedback.

i dont get why some people are silent in bed and some are expressive. I really love to get feedback in bed and always have from other men, just not my husband. i really felt rejected for a while and had to get over that and realize it was just the way he is....

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Wed, 10-26-2005 - 8:49pm
The reason he's like that is that's just the way he is, some people make noise, some don't.

bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
Thu, 10-27-2005 - 12:03am

What causes him to be non-vocal? Nothing "causes" it, that's just the way he is! Many men and women are quiet during sex. That's just the way they are.

Sure, you could ask him to make noise for your benefit, and he might start doing it, but then it would just be for your benefit, and not really "him". If you know a man well, there are many OTHER ways to know that they're enjoying it. Breathing faster, looking contented, and of course, the most important, he comes back for more!

If he finishes, and he comes back for more, that's about all the "reassurance" you need...he doesn't have to put on a performance. He says it's great, believe him. He wouldn't be back if it wasn't.

And there's nothing more irritating than someone continually asking for a "rating" on their performance. Stop being so insecure, and just enjoy what you're doing, and believe that he's enjoying it just as much as you are.......he TOLD you he is.

PS: you also said this is a "recent" thing. Some people are more reserved in the beginning of a relationship. Give him some time, and he might get more vocal.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2002
Thu, 10-27-2005 - 5:46pm

Sounds like the guy I'm seeing at the moment. As quiet as a mouse. He might make some teasing comment, or have a bit of laugh at me going insane, but when it comes to verbally expressing how things feel, nothing. I wouldn't even know he'd orgasmed if it wasn't for the fact he stops moving soon afterwards. It was a shock to the system to start with. But he definitely enjoys himself. I on the other hand really struggle to keep quiet, and it requires every ounce of concentration.

It's just how the guy is, and you will have to accept it and get used to it. Don't try to make him someone that he isn't.

 


 


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2004
Thu, 10-27-2005 - 7:59pm
I would just tell him just let you wrote it here. It's important to you. Tell him that. Hopefully, he'll get the hint. Maybe in his past, it wasn't that important.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2004
Thu, 10-27-2005 - 8:19pm
Well, I think my guy is actually more vocal than me during sex, but he just talks a lot in general, lol. Actually, I'll get louder as things progress, but when I actually orgasm I'm silent. I can't breath, how am I supposed to make noise?!