My guy won't come without sex

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2006
My guy won't come without sex
13
Sat, 01-13-2007 - 4:29pm
I'm holding off on sex with the guy I'm dating at the moment. We have an active sexual relationship up to, but exluding actual intercourse. He says I really turn him on and he seems really aroused when we get sexual but he never comes, even after a long time. He says he's just learned to not come before sex and that him getting off isn't that important because he's enjoying himself anyway. The thing is I still want to wait a while for sex but in the meantime he's servicing me amazingly and I can't return the favour. I haven't had trouble getting other guys off in the past, but I wonder if there's something I'm doing wrong, or not enough, or not well enough. Opinions and advice are appreciated.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Sat, 01-13-2007 - 6:47pm
He said he has learned not to orgasm in other ways and that is

bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Sun, 01-14-2007 - 10:56pm
Does seem a bit unusual for a guy to avoid an orgasm when it's offered, but if he says that things are fine and he's happy then go with that. He's had opportunity to express his feelings and opinion and sometimes you can only go by the answer a person gives when directly asked. You asked, he said he's fine. He tells you that he has "learnt" to not cum before sex and that's his choice.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2006
Mon, 01-15-2007 - 12:13pm
Looks like we are back to the old adage of:
A young man can do it all night,
but it takes an old man all night to do it.
If this guy is under forty, I suggest he have a
physical check up to assure he doesn't have a medical problem.
once.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2004
Mon, 01-15-2007 - 3:36pm
Funny, I guess I have to count my blessings. Nothing has changed in my sexual equiptment since I was in my early twenties.I`m a better lover now, but that is based on experience, not old age...lol (I`m 52 and have always been very fit)
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2006
Mon, 01-15-2007 - 4:17pm
Hump, let me just say that 52 is only a very distant memory for me
and I too have seen no change in my equipment nor my libido.
In fact, my wife has always insisted that sex was the only thing that I ever had on my mind.
At the same time, there are various physical problems that a man can have that prevents him from ejaculation.
Not the least of which are issues with medication and alcohol.
once.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-20-2004
Mon, 01-15-2007 - 4:37pm
shortier, I`m well aware that medical conditions can be a factor in a mans sex life. Men also age differently. Some mens bodies are old before their time due to genetics, lifestyle etc. I`m hoping my wife "still" has that opinion of me when I`m a lot older(that all I think about is sex)It isnt always easy being a high libido guy....lol
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2007
Wed, 01-17-2007 - 10:55pm
Ok, if your "getting eachother off" then why arent you actually having sex? This doesnt make any sense to me though I am sure you have your reasons. However if your "holding off" because your not ready for sex or because the relationship isnt at that point yet I have to say that if the 2 of you are having or coming close to orgasm together then your having sex wether he actually penetrates or not.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Thu, 01-18-2007 - 12:21am

I don't even get the statement "I'm holding off on sex, but we have an active sexual relationship". First of all, it's ALL sex, and all you're holding off is intercourse...and what's the difference? Most of the "other stuff" is really more intimate than intercourse will ever be.

As for your previous partners, you didn't "get them off"...they got themselves off. You don't give men a climax anymore than a man gives you an orgasm. You can "help" them get there, but they do it themselves.

No matter what you will do or not do, he's saying it's okay, so believe him. If it wasn't, he wouldn't come back for more.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2007
Thu, 01-18-2007 - 12:27am
hey your preaching to the choir...i didnt post the question after all.
but i do want to say this: you state that people get themselves off, that you dont get someone off and they dont get you off. well i think you must be doing it wrong or your partner is doing it wrong cuz my man gets me off like a m*ther f*cker!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Thu, 01-18-2007 - 2:13am

My bad, I meant that for the OP, not you.....just put it under the wrong post!

As for your reply to me, it's only because you know HOW to do it. If you didn't (and many women don't) he could do exactly what he's doing now, and it wouldn't happen. He's "helping" you, but YOU are the one who allows it to happen. And vice versa, if your partner has a problem ejaculating, there is NOTHING you can do to make it happen. Our sexual response is up to US, not our partners.

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