How can I let a guy know I'm ready?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2006
How can I let a guy know I'm ready?
9
Wed, 01-24-2007 - 5:16pm


Hello everyone,

I have been dating this guy for a couple months now and I want to know how I can let him know that I am ready to have sex. I don't want to tell him because I don't want him to think I'm a slut. We have kind of fooled around but he never tries to go too far? Do you think he's not interested or do you think he isn't ready? I am 27 and he is 30 and he has been is a relationship before so I know he isn't a virgin. Please help.

Thanks,

Michelle :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Wed, 01-24-2007 - 7:15pm

You've been dating him a few months, you've *kind of* fooled around (not sure what kind of means), you are both adults so if you're ready to have sex with him,


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-30-2005
Wed, 01-24-2007 - 8:30pm

The alarm bells going off in my head!!!!

How important is sex to you in a relationship?? I mean, do you think you are a once a day, once a week, or once a month sort of girl??

The reason I ask is because your guy has every symptom of being a very low libido kind of guy. That he hasn't "tried anything" after months of dating strongly suggests to me that he isn't terribly interested in sex. I know that I would not date someone for more than three dates without at least exploring a sexual relationship. But, of course, I am a very high libido girl. I'd like to have sex near daily.

My points.

First, you are not a slut if you want to explore the sexual side of your relationship.

Second, if you’re making a play for his privates so as to initiate a sexual encounter would be interpreted by him as making you a slut, he has a problem--not you.

Third, if he has that problem, do you really want to continue in a relationship with him?

Fourth, sex is a very important part of a committed long-term relationship. Do yourself a big favor and ensure that you are sexually compatible before you go much farther. There is a lengthy board on this site dedicated to the misery that results from high libido and low libido people trying to make long-term relationships work.

So, the next time you are kissing and necking on the couch, take your free hand and gently rub his crotch. As he gets erect, undo his belt, unzip his fly, and do what you will!

;-)

Katie

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Thu, 01-25-2007 - 12:09am

I totally agree with Tish, and completely disagree with the second poster! Just because he's not all over you doesn't mean that he isn't interested in sex, or has a low libido! That's ridiculous. Maybe it's because he respects you, and since you don't seem to be taking the initiative, he's holding back.

As Tish said, you're both mature adults, and if you're "ready" to do it, then you should be able to discuss it. There's more to it than just "doing it"! What about birth control? What about STD's? You should both know each others history, particularly about unprotected sex. If you aren't on some form of b/c, then you need to discuss alternative methods. What if he can't stand using condoms? Teenagers blunder into sex without any clue, and wind up pregnant and with diseases. You're both adults, and you need to be smart enough to avoid these problems...and the only way to do that is to talk about it.

If he thinks you're a slut for bringing it up....then shame on him! I seriously doubt that he would!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Thu, 01-25-2007 - 12:38pm
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bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2006
Thu, 01-25-2007 - 1:31pm

How about.....

You invite him over for pizza and sex talk night?

Let him know what this evening will be about (have a box of condoms handy just in case), but don't go into the discussion thinking you will have sex that night.

Since you have "fooled around", the intent and potential are there.

Tell him "since we have fooled around, I want to know if we are on the same page".

If you can't openly discuss sex, holy hell can life be miserable, especially once the bills start rolling in and they are in both of your names.

Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 01-25-2007 - 2:55pm
Yes, thank God that there are actually some principled, good guys out there who want more than sex on demand from a woman. And I thank God every day that I found one!
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 01-25-2007 - 2:58pm
Look, if you really want to be viewed as an equal in any relationship, then you have to take responsibility for your own sexuality. If you're ready to take it to the next level, then why are you waiting for HIM to take it there? Either talk about it first or take it there yourself and see if he responds in kind!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2006
Thu, 01-25-2007 - 7:32pm

Thank you all for your responses. He is a really great guy. I really hope this all works out. I think I'm going to take a little bit of all your advice. I am going to try and take things into my own hands and try to initiate it. I might start by going down on him and see where it takes me. If he pushes away I will know he isn't ready but if it keeps going then I know I'm doing the right thing. It's just hard for me because I am such a shy girl. Thanks again everyone.

Michelle :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Sat, 01-27-2007 - 12:22pm

I have to disagree a bit....i think that very often if he hasn't tried or even hinted that he'd like to do more sexually it is a HUGE clue that he's got a much lower libido. I WISH I had recognized that when I was dating my first dh -- AND realized that that wouldn't change AND that I had a much higher need for sex. It never did get any better -- no matter how many "talks" we had about it.

I think that sometimes it can be someone wanting to wait longer, be more sure of their partner, etc....but very often it's a result of the person's low libido.

Carole