Frustrated and Need Advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
Frustrated and Need Advice
10
Fri, 01-26-2007 - 3:22pm
I have been dating my current boyfriend for a few months now and everything seemed to be going good. The problem is we've recently started having sex; he's had a lot of partners and is very sexually experienced, whereas as I've only slept with one other person and am nowhere near as experienced as he is. A few days ago, we tried a couple of new positions, other than the standard missionary and doggy-style, and it went horribly. We both got frustrated and he started arguing that even though he has a curved penis, not one of the MANY girls he's slept with has ever been a problem for him but me - he even suggested that maybe something was wrong with my vagina! Now, I know I am not nearly as experienced as him, or any of the girls he's been with, but I was under the impression the problem lied with the both of us. The whole thing is really making me self-conscious and turning me off of sex entirely - I can't even enjoy the sex enough to orgasm, which just frustrates him even more. Has anyone else been through a similar situation and/or can offer some advice?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2004
Fri, 01-26-2007 - 11:08pm
He sounds insensitive. He might have had a few partners, but he doesn't understand a woman's anatomy. Certain positions may be uncomfortable for you, or maybe he's doing it wrong. He's probably insecure about the curved penis too. He never should have blamed you and brought up past partners. I don't know how you can get that out of your head.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Fri, 01-26-2007 - 11:59pm

If he's as nasty and insensitive OUT of the bedroom as he is in it, then your relationship can't be TOO great! He is RUDE, crude, and hurtful.

Let me tell you something before I start on him! He may be more "experienced" than you are, but numbers and experience do NOT equate "knowledge".....and he has very little!

None of this was your fault! Big deal, he has a curved penis. So do lots of men, and it doesn't cause a problem for a woman, because her vagina is "flexible" and will curve right along with his penis. I would suggest that if he couldn't get it in, it's HIS fault, because he doesn't know what he's doing, and he wasn't smart enough to help you get into a position where it was possible. If you're inexperienced, a SMART man would help and teach you, not berate you.

A loving man doesn't tell his g/f that ALLL the MANY women he's had before are better than her. If they were so great, howcome he's not with THEM?

Why should HE get frustrated because you didn't have an orgasm? He got his didn't he? Whether or not you have an orgasm isn't normally his doing, but in this case, because he was so nasty, this time it might have been because of him....but regardless, you're the one left hanging, not him!

Has everyone ever had an experience like this? Sure, lots of couples have occasional problems....but a good and loving couple doesn't get angry....they get over it.

The advice I'll give you is look twice at this jerk, and ask yourself if you really want to be with him! There is no way someone as cruel and nasty as him can be a great boyfriend. I'd tell him to take his curved penis to someone who doesn't MIND being verbally abused, because that's what he did to you!




Edited 1/27/2007 12:01 am ET by sakura2006
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2006
Sat, 01-27-2007 - 8:37am

My advice to you would be: sex is supposed to be fun! Doesn't sound like you are having fun with this guy. It actually sounds like he has an ego trip thing going, as he obviously thinks he is a great lover -- and clearly he is not. Often people have to blame others for their own flaws as they can not face the reality! Having multiple partners does not make someone a great lover or even more experienced. Perhaps he has had so MANY lovers because he berates them and they move on. It would be bad for you to stay in a hurtful relationship that has the potential to rock your self-esteem and cause you sexual problems. You want to be able to enjoy sex for your whole life, not just today.

As far as the orgasm, again, I say that is an ego thing for him. My DH might get frustrated if I don't have an orgasm and he has been trying everything in his book for HOURS.....but way before that would happen, I would just take charge and make the encounter about more than my orgasm. A woman's orgasm is mostly coming from her head and I don't think nasty comments and signs of frustration will feed into the necessary process. He and his curved penis also have to learn that the penis is not the main tool used to help a woman even have an orgasm. I would be willing to bet that many of his other partners faked orgasms just to end the verbal abuse!



iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Sat, 01-27-2007 - 10:01am

Great post Sakura!


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Sat, 01-27-2007 - 10:11am

There is NOTHING wrong with you or your vagina!


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2007
Sat, 01-27-2007 - 2:23pm
Get a new boyfriend! Hard to believe he would be that rude to you. I agree with you that it is usually a little of both when it comes to issues. I have never had a situation where I tried various positions and it went badly. Some women have been more reluctant or self-conscious but in the end it was still fun. You should find a guy that treats you with more respect....and a straight penis..lol (just kidding)
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2004
Sat, 01-27-2007 - 5:43pm

...time to **straighten** this guy out... (sorry, couldn't resist ;-)).....

I agree with the others. One thing that age makes you is "wise," so take it from this old biddy ;-)...."read between the lines." His character is screaming at you and you might as well be deaf because you certainly are missing it. So many people miss the "early" signs of selfish, miserable people. If he "blames" you for this, what makes you think he will not "blame" YOU for everything? He may have been "suppressing" his true personality before now, (because of course he has "investment" in you), and it's possible that this is who he really is. Remember he "benefits" from you (sex, affection, etc.). What you need to do, is take a good hard long look at how he treats others. That is the "true" look into how he will eventually treat you. And when I say "others" I mean those who he does not have any investment in (waitresses, co-workers, family, etc).

In any event, compassion, kindness, affection, selflessness, will all show up inside and outside of the bedroom moreso in the face of adversity and challenge, no? In other words, when all is good, it's easy to be all of those things....but it's when things are NOT so good that the true soul is revealed. The fact that he held YOU and YOU alone solely responsible for what happened says alot about his character.

Sometimes, it's best to reverse things a bit to see it from a different perspective. I think what he said is akin to you saying: "I've had sex with lots of guys and they never had a problem with me....it must be your curved penis."

Of course, it could just be that he's very young (and stupid). Many of us, when we are young, do and say stupid things.... (until we get "wise" that is)... ;-)




Edited 1/27/2007 6:22 pm ET by rain_dancer_iam
Imagination is more important than knowledge." (Albert Einstein )
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2006
Sun, 01-28-2007 - 4:52pm
Hey guys, thanks for all the advice. I ended up having a conversation with my boyfriend yesterday about our situation, and he still continued to act like a complete *sshole, so I gave up and broke up with him. Valentine's Day is gonna suck, but it's not worth it if he's never gonna change his attitude. I'm glad the relationship is over before I invested too much time in him. Thanks again guys
Avatar for katmandoo2001
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 01-30-2007 - 5:37pm
Good Girl! You have to stand up for yourself when you feel you're not being respected, be it your BF or whoever.
Avatar for gigi_1000
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 01-30-2007 - 11:41pm

Kma, I am a older man, and was extremely irritated that a jerk would say such hurtful things to you when he couldn't get his curved penis to work right. I am happy to read that you broke up with him.

Before I read that you broke up with him, I was going to suggest that you go to your next make-out session armed with a metal vise to attempt to straighten out his curved penis.