Scared to spice it up

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2006
Scared to spice it up
5
Wed, 01-31-2007 - 4:41pm

My bf and I have been dating for 2 ½ years. I am a very open minded (26 y.o.) woman and have had a lot of experience sexually. He has never asked any specifics but I think he assumes the worst by some of the comments he sometimes makes.
He knew that I was attracted to women from the begging but once he found a picture of me and a girl kissing and ever since then he has been struggling with my sexuality. He feels im going to run off and have an affair with girl someday or hes going to come home to an orgy in his living room.

He comes from a Christian home with a Bety-Crooker like mom and has that “what is sexy for the street girls and tv girls is raunchy for MY woman” I know it’s a little barbaric but he’s really great in other department so I feel like its worth working on.

As for me, I feel like I had my fun and I will be faithful to him for the rest of my life if we spend it together. The way I was living my life was not bringing anything healthy or wholesome into it either so I am done with all the promiscuousness.

However, I cant deny that I am a sexual person and I am not naturally very inhibited. I feel like lately I’ve been pretending to be more prim and proper than I really am.

Lately things have been very repetitive in the bedroom and although my boyfriend is passionate and attentive he’s not into trying new things. I mentioned something about chocolate and he he responded “well I don’t know how I feel about that, im very boring and normal in that sense” He doesn’t watch porn (which I secretly love) and I don’t even want to think what he would say if I brought up the topic of toys!

In all fairness I haven’t really told him how I feel so its not entirely his fault. How can I spice things up with out him feeling that the “crazy party girl” wants to come back and ultimately break his heart.

Thanks

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Wed, 01-31-2007 - 7:04pm

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bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
Tue, 02-13-2007 - 12:07pm

I am in the same boat sorda, but I am married to the man!!
I love him, love him to death.
He makes the comments " a man wants a lady in public but in the bedroom he wants a slut"
He doesn't mean it though.
I buy toys all th time. We don't use them. We do use things that taste good though.
I love to watch porn it gets me all the mindset mood, but, I don't want him to watch it.
Is this abnormal? I don't want him looking at other girls.
I wish there was porn that showed you how to play with chocolate and fun things like this but, as far as I know it's not available. Everything is hardcore and little forplay.
Communication is key! I truly believe this but, we don't talk. Sometimes, We don't even hardly talk about life must less talk about sex. His job is very stressful.
I wish there was a book on role playing and what to say in bed.
I really want to be the bad girl... if you will btrflygods I want to be like you.
I wonder if I could make up a questionaire and we could give it to them to feel out.
Asking questions about things we want to try and see if they want to try them with us?
Would that be a little less awkward than comign out and saying " How do you feel about anul?
How do you feel about me using a vibrator in front of you or you using it on me?

Tish help us out here. You are such an expert.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Tue, 02-13-2007 - 1:03pm

Nope,I'm no expert that's for sure, I just have a big mouth, ask for what I want and say what's on my mind.


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2007
Wed, 02-14-2007 - 1:33am

I think you need to make it fun - sort of like a game; that way it won't seem like you're pressuring him in any way. Start of small with the idea of slowly bringing him along and he might be surprised to find that he really enjoys himself... to get you started:

http://www.monogamychronicles.com

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/51527/roleplaying_sexual_misadventures.html

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
Wed, 02-14-2007 - 9:17am

Girls, He just not a talker about things he says he just holds it all in. I have to drag things out of him. He's a great provider, sincere, FAITHFUL, loving, the list could go on. He has always been this way his mother is this way and hid grandmother. They just don't talk. He's working on changing though but, told me not to expect things to change ove night. I'm really outgoing outside of the bedroom, I love people and I think he is threatened by this. It makes him feel insecure. He always wants to be the center of my attention. He doesn't like me to hug guys, If a guy friend of ours calls my cell # he wants to know why. He reads all my emails, actually has them sent right to his cell phone. I know he loves me and isn't going anywhere. He's so fearful of our relationship going a wall. It won't though but, it is a fear he has. I lvoe him dearly and would never leave him, and would never cheat on him. I am just a friendly person to the general public. I need to work more on making him the center of attention.
I went out with a friend last night to victorias secret, and two toy shops. My eyes were opened a little wider. I can't believe all the items that are out there. I bought lotions, edible undies and edible wraps for the penis. I bought x rated valentines hearts, I got fish net stocking that are crotchless, at victorias secret I got 2 amazing outfits. One is femine and sweet and the other is just a corset type top that will look great with the stockings.

I bought this whole set of oils, lotions and other taste good items for him. It was hilarious that there were so many men in these places and here me and my girlfriend were buying all this stuff.
I came home at 10:30 DH was half asleep I told him I had been shopping, ( I didn't wnt to shock him tonight without a warning when I walk in with a wig or either way the sweeter version) He knew already I was going to go shopping but, he didn't know when. I told him about all the things that I saw. 48 piece gift sets dildos. I couldn't belive it. I told him about silicone lifesize dolls, blow up dolls and 500 million dvds of porn. He said please tell me you didn't buy that. I said NO I am the only women for you.
We are going out tonight for valentines day. I asked him when we gets home could he shower or take a long bath while I set the room up with all the surprises I got for him, and put our girls to bed.
He seemed a little scared, quiet, but agreed. I told him it was gonig to be so much fun, but I didn't tell him I bought A WIG.. I blonde wig.
Is this over the top? He's loves blondes. Never dated a blonde though. He only had one other girlfriend for 8 months before he married me 3 years later. I loved the innocense that came with marrying a virgin. Now some years later I'm trying to spice things up! A year ago I read him 2 sex books out loud, we also talked then about fantasies we had. Mine was I would love to have sex outside. His was he wanted a whip cream bikini on me. We haven't done either yet.
I'm rambling aren't I. I'm so nervous about 2 night. I can go one of the two ways. Sweet sweet, rose petals, gorgeous black outfit, candles and music... or should I go with the wig, the hot pink and black top with crotchless fishnets, candle light with a blonde wig?
We had good sex last night. I had to beg him for it,Maybe he likes doing this to me. I guess I should ask why...maybe it makes him feel more important. We hadn't had any since the last time I initiated it in the shower sunday morning. He turned down my request Sunday night, and Monday night. We awkwardly talked for about 30 minutes last night about all I had seen at the stores. I kept asking him to kiss me..... please kiss me. I love to kiss! Finally,,, after much asking what are you thinking about he awoke from his drowziness and took notice of how much I wanted him. It started out with kissing, and him fingering and touching me, I then gave him a bj.I never had an orgasm last night since I stopped him from touching me because I really wanted to give him a bj. I feel so close to him while giving him pleasure. I really don't mind the focus not being on me everytime, and can't seems to have an orgasm except with hand stimulation.I then got on top of him and rode him for a while. It feels really good even though I don't orgasm.
Then we went on to sleep with him holding me. I didn't notice what time it was when he cummed. There was lots of moans from his end, whipers telling me it felt SO GOOD.
I had heavy breathing from all the riding and moving but, I never said a word. What is wrong with me??? Why couldn't I say I love how deep you feel inside me, Why couldn't I just say caress me all over, or say kiss me, Instead at different times I would just kiss him briefly and move his hands where I wanted them. so that I wasn't just up there all alone.
Why is it so hard for me to talk?? I am so outgoing, If we met I could start up a conversation with you and in we'd be friends in not time. My DH it takes him years to get to know someone. He's so shy. I can't talk in bed it's like my voice leaves me and he's the talker and the moaner.
Now how do I change myself? I feel confident about the way I look, I'm 5'2 small frame and go to the gym and work out. It's just all weird things in my mind that I don't know how to work out. The only reason I have ever watch porn is because I needed ideas. I didn't fantasize about being with the men. I'm very small chested, My nipples are inverted. I HATE THIS. So I feel insecure for him to watch other very big breasted women.
I did see a nipple enlarger at that store wonder if this would help me?
So many issues in one little post.