I don't have toys and he is confused

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2007
I don't have toys and he is confused
2
Fri, 02-02-2007 - 9:57pm
I am having an issue with my boyfriend of 10 months. Our relationship and sex life has progressed nicely until this point -- we seem to be hitting an impasse. He tells me I need to be "more like a girl", and that I need to ask my friends what that means, its not his place to tell me. ( I did ask my friends and they quizzed me about hygiene, clothes, personality, the regularity of our sex life, different positions -- and I seemed to be OK in those areas according to them.) But he gave me a clue: he said once a few weeks ago that he was surprised that I didn't have any toys, and that he didn't understand that. We talked about oral sex (I have had some bad experiences in the past), and that I am willing to let go of that baggage, because it would add to our pleasure. But now I feel totally inadequate -- do I not turn him on without toys? Is he bored already? Does he need more stimulation or need to see me getting off to get off? Am I supposed to want to put something inside me that is not real? I always thought it was "what ever floats your boat", and since that wasn't for me I never gave it a second thought. Am I abnormal? Thoughts or advice anyone???
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Sat, 02-03-2007 - 12:24am

You're right, HE is confused. And a bit arrogant.....who is he to judge you about being "a girl"? He doesn't have a clue what "a girl" is supposed to be. And then after making that "accusation" he didn't have the decency to tell you what he was talking about.

Lots of "girls" don't have toys. Lots of them, like you, see no use for them. That is YOUR prerogative! Actually, if it was me, I'd have to ask him if he felt inadequate as a "boy" to be able to please me without mechanical help! Not having or wanting "toys" is NOT abnormal....millions of women don't use them..and see no need for them.

I'm very curious about his "problem" with oral sex, too. Is it that you wouldn't do it for HIM? And is he doing it for YOU? If you have a problem doing it for him, then yes, maybe you should try to get over that....but at this point, I wouldn't consider doing it at all unless it was reciprocated by him.

This guy sounds like he's a "know it all" and he thinks he has to tell you what you should like and not like....meaning he's a controller. And THAT is bad news. He is making you feel bad about yourself.....when there is NO reason for you to feel that way. Don't allow him to do this to you....you deserve better. He's disrespecting you, and you need to respect yourself more, and not allow him to do this to you. No boyfriend is worth allowing yourself to be treated this way.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2007
Sat, 02-03-2007 - 2:56am
I don't like the fact that he asked you to ask your friends about it. Why can't he be open with you about what he wants? He wants you to try new things but isn't even willing to tell you what they are... just gives you clues? If this guy is a good guy, and this is out of character, then speak with him about it. But I agree that he is trying to control things by not being specific and making you wonder if you're inadequate.