What a let down!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2005
What a let down!
6
Thu, 02-08-2007 - 8:31pm

I have been dating my boyfriend for a couple months now, and have been sexually involved for about three weeks. He is an incredible guy, and I feel really lucky to be dating him, but the sex is awful!! To steal a line from Sex and the City, "He can't possibly think it's good!"
I've never been with anyone like him before, foreplay for him is very short, I barely have time to get wet before he grabs the condom! I once told him to wait a bit, and he did, maybe two minutes before getting up and grabbing one. Usually guys I've been with (and I will admit, that's not many) have been really into pleasuring me and getting me off. My bf just doesn't seem that interested in seeing me climax. (I haven't with him, but it's not usually a problem.)
I'm wondering if he's just inexperienced (we are both 24). He seems a bit unsure, but we haven't spoken about it. I know I need to have a chat with him, but I feel bad telling him he's not pleasing me, besides, I kinda wonder how he can't know!?!
This morning he wanted to have sex and I just didn't even want to bother with it at all, which is just so disapointing since it's in the beginning of our relationship and I WANT to WANT to jump his bones!

Any advice? Or should I move on? Next time should I just say, "this time, before we have sex, how about you have to get me to orgasm?" If we could just get this to work the relationship would be amazing!

Thanks for any feedback!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2006
Thu, 02-08-2007 - 9:00pm

"If we could just get this to work the relationship would be amazing!"

Hmmmm, your not talking about something small here -- sex is a huge part of a relationship. Yes, you do need to talk with him, and let him know what you need. He just might not really be experienced enough to know, but it is definitely time for him to learn ;-)

Also, don't wait for him to do everything. How 'bout you take control of the condom -- and don't put it on until you are ready for him to use it. Do you try different positions? If you do WOT, you can be much more in charge of what happens and hopefully climax yourself.



iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2004
Thu, 02-08-2007 - 9:29pm

Why should you move on when he doesn't know what you want?


bounxh0a-1.gif picture by dillbyrd

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Thu, 02-08-2007 - 11:52pm

You wonder why he can't know? Because you haven't told him. Either he's completely in the dark about a woman's body and needs, or he's lazy and selfish. Either way, if you say nothing, then he assumes he's doing just fine. More than likely other women's he's been with have said nothing, just like you.

"Next time should I just say, this time, before we have sex, how about you have to get me to orgasm?" Oh, yeah! Do you know anything about "communication". The idea of communication isn't to give orders, or shoot someone down. It's to express your feelings and your needs. How about "It takes me a while to 'get there' and I need more foreplay. We have all the time in the world......so let's take our time, ok?"

Or at the very least, at the time he's rushing, tell him "whoa....I need more foreplay"

Unless you expect a man to be a mind reader, then you have to talk to him, and tell him what you want and need, which might be very different from any of his last partners. At the same time, you should find out what HE wants and needs.

If you talk to him, and nothing changes, THEN you just walk....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2005
Fri, 02-09-2007 - 3:18pm
Sometimes you just have to be patient and ask for what you want. People aren't mind-readers. I've been dating a girl who was formerly really sexually inexperienced. It has taken a lot of instruction and being ballsy enough to tell her things without worrying whether it will freak her out. The first bj she gave me, back in November, was a total joke: she kind of put the head in her mouth, closed her eyes, stayed still, and acted like she was about to die. Three months later she's 98% of the way to mastering deepthroating and after many hours of practice has absolutely learned how to do bjs right. It doesn't come overnight. It is funny, because when people like you they will rarely freak out. All I'm saying is, tell him exactly what you want and don't get tongue-tied at it. Be very clear. It's gonna be fine.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-17-2007
Fri, 02-09-2007 - 3:54pm
I know it must be hard right now for you, but don't toss him aside if you really care for him. Sex is something that can be corrected. Talk to him. Tell him what you like. Maybe this is the way it has always been for him and others he may have been with. You try to take control and show him how great it can be. Believe me once you try different things with him he will improve. But just remember talk about it with him. Good Luck and Happy Sex!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2005
Sat, 02-10-2007 - 8:52pm

I think those of us here with happy sex lifes will all agree that communication is the biggest part to great sex.

Talking to him (outside of the bedroom) is what you need to do, because if you don't tell him, he's never going to know. If talking is too tough then maybe you take a little control and be instrumental in "showing him", not just asking him to slow down. Good luck!