Confidence For Sex

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2007
Confidence For Sex
4
Mon, 02-19-2007 - 7:47pm
Ok here's the deal. I have a very complicated love life. I ask people all the time for advice because I can't decode the whole sex life thing. I was wondering, how do I build confidence that I can use during sex. The thing is i'm embarassed of my body. I have to leave the lights off and it aggrivates the guys im with. All the guys seem to love how i look, but I can't enjoy sex for worrying about if my body is turning them off. Another thing is I don't know how to move on top. My legs get so tired and I can't go long at all. How can I stay on top longer and have the confidence to control it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Tue, 02-20-2007 - 1:34am

What's so complicated about it?

You can't have confidence about your body and using your body for sex unless you are comfortable with it. The answer is simple. Get comfortable with your body and the confidence and fancy moves will happen. How to get to that point is the hard part. It might help to concentrate on thinking about why all these guys seem to like your body and you. IF you were so bad they wouldn't want the lights on either, would they? So trust their opinion, they must be liking something.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Tue, 02-20-2007 - 1:41am

What is so complicated about your sex life? There's nothing complicated about sex unless you MAKE it complicated. It's something you do for pleasure, your own, as well as your partners. There's very little you can do wrong.....you can only try new things and see how they feel. Some things work for some, but not for others. Only YOU know what's good for you...and what's not.

As for your body.........GET OVER IT. Guys are NOT looking for flaws when they're having sex with you....they're LOVING your body, because you're sharing it with them. Men don't like "lights out" because they like to SEE what's going on.

No one has a perfect body. Even porn queens and playboy models have to be airbrushed for the imperfections. I'll bet most of the guys you've been with don't have perfect bodies, either.

If you don't want anyone to see your body, then maybe you're not ready to be sexually active!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2006
Tue, 02-20-2007 - 9:11am
It sounds like you are still learning to love sex and appreciate your body. Sometimes that takes time, especially if you are shy. Also, you are mentioning partnerS....perhaps you just haven't found the right partner for you. Men are visual creatures, but they can do so much to show you how much they love you and your body. Moving on top may be a problem from the same place that your body image is coming. Once you are in a relationship where you feel you trust your partner, then most of this will smooth itself out. In the meantime, if you want to learn to love your body during sex, try having soft lighting (like candles or a light from a distant room). This way, you can watch your partner and perhaps learn why the visual is all good! Once you learn how to take control of your sexual pleasure, no doubt you will want to WOW him too.


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2007
Tue, 02-20-2007 - 12:28pm
Hey! I feel the same way too kind of. I'm embaresst of my body. Ashamed like and I don't think I can move fast ontop either. Don't think I can go for long, I get tired easily sometimes. I don't know who to talk to about this. I made a post here about it before. But ya. I'm a little scared of how things'll be cause my b/f is bigger than me. I'm like tiny like and it makes me feel awkward sort of. *shrug*. I dunno even, but I here ya, I know how your feeling.