Go-time is shy time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2006
Go-time is shy time.
2
Wed, 02-28-2007 - 1:35pm

I've been dating/screwing this guy that I really like (which is a first for me) and the fact alone that I like him makes the sex enjoyable for me. I never have an orgasm and no one has ever gotten me off besides myself, but I just enjoy the actual act of having sex with him. I get the feeling he thinks because I don't have an orgasm I'm not having fun, which isn't the case and I've told him.

Anyways, that's just a little background info.

I fantasize about ravaging him all day at work, as I'd like to be a little more aggressive in the bedroom (not like dominatrix aggressive.. but you know), so I try to think up sexy ways to let him know that I'm totally into it. But when the time comes I just get really shy and nervous.. unless I'm drunk, and who wants to have sloppy sex with a drunk girl all the time?

I was wondering if you ladies (or men) had any tips for letting go of my inhibitions without taking six shots of whiskey. I'm concerned that if I don't kick it up a notch, he's going to start looking elsewhere

:(

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Wed, 02-28-2007 - 3:20pm

Shyness is actually fear, and what are you afraid of? That he'll laugh at you? I"m not sure what dating/screwing means.....casual sex? No commitment, no exclusivity? What?

If he thinks a woman can't/doesn't enjoy sex without having orgasms, he's sadly mistaken, and he needs some education about women & sex. He's probably one of those guys that thinks he GIVES women orgasms......and it's his ego that bothers him. You don't need to kick anything up a notch, you just need to enjoy, and you are. If he looks elsewhere, that's because he's not that into you, just the sex, and if that's the case, so what?

After six shots, you should be unconscious....and so out of it that you're not enjoying anything but going thru the actions. Leave the booze alone, and just tough it out.....you might find you'll enjoy it MORE, and actually remember it, too.

If you feel you can't "let loose" without booze, that means you are too inhibited, and the only way to not be inhibited is to NOT BE. If you're worried about his reaction to something, then maybe it's because you're looking for more than just "casual sex".....because when there are true feelings involved, you don't have to fear anything at all.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-17-2006
Wed, 02-28-2007 - 5:00pm

I'm not quite sure what it means either, we haven't had an exclusivity chat yet; even though I know better than to assume, it seems like there's a little something more there. But I am actually content with where we're at right now and just trying to take it for what it's worth.

He's a good guy and I get the feeling that he cares about me.

After giving your response some thought, I think it's just my own insecurities that I need to get past. I consider myself fairly inexperienced when it comes to sex and society has made me feel that I shouldn't be so inexperienced at the age of 21 (not to mention he's nearly ten years older than me). I'm sure there are 7th graders out there who have had more sex than I have.. which would be sad for me and the kid.

I just need to do the damn thing. There's only one way to get better.

And you're right, I usually do enjoy myself more when I'm sober.

Thanks for your insight :D