Sex is... okay?
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Sex is... okay?
| Sat, 03-10-2007 - 10:23pm |
Hi. I have been having sex with my boyfriend for about three months now (was a virgin up till then!) and it isn't amazing. It was hurting for a while and that's stopped which is good. Now it just feels ok and depending on the angle/depth sometimes it does feel quite nice. However, the whole time it doesn't seem to be heading towards orgasm at all. Basically, sex is like a back rub! Haha, it feels nice but I'm not getting off. Perhaps this is the extent of pleasure I'll be getting? I've tried WOT but I get tired from bouncing and he gets bored of grinding (I might be doing this poorly/wrong also. I guess you just sort of move your hips around or can thrust a bit but it doesn't feel like much). We've also tried doggy style or from behind but that feels really awkward for me. It might be the angle? It just feels like weird pressure. We've tried some other positions too and nothing is that great. He is able to last very long (we can start and stop for around 2 hours) and has been trying to please me to no avail, up to the point where he gets too tired to finish himself off even.
I guess the problem is when we have sex I'm not going anywhere. I'm very turned on by him and at the time but it doesn't seem possible. Anything I or he can do to change this? Any comments or suggestions would be appreciated to help out a couple of new ex-virgins. Thanks.
I guess the problem is when we have sex I'm not going anywhere. I'm very turned on by him and at the time but it doesn't seem possible. Anything I or he can do to change this? Any comments or suggestions would be appreciated to help out a couple of new ex-virgins. Thanks.

As far as intercourse, just keep trying new positions. Get on the net and find some ones that look fun. I don't know how comfortable you are with each other (it sounds like you are), but the more times you make love the more unihibited you become and more willing you are to try new things.
Also, why don't you have him bring you to orgasm with oral before intercourse, so you both won't be so worried about climaxing during intercourse and it will hopefully happen naturally, without a lot of pressure.
You can even have him do it afterward if you haven't climaxed.
First, it's only been three months, and probably not many "times". Like anything else worthwhile, it takes time and practice to perfect it.
Second, from your description, it sounds like you expect orgasms from intercourse, and in the majority of women (80+%), that's not going to happen. That's because your vagina has little or no feeling inside it, with the exception of the "g" spot. That's because your vagina is NOT your main sex organ. After your brain, the most important sex organ is the clitoris, and that's where most orgasms originate.
That is why foreplay is so important for women. For men, their goal is intercourse....and to get there, they have to give you lots of foreplay, oral and/or manual clitoral stimulation, and THAT is where and how you have orgasms. But, having them is something you have to learn HOW to do, and then learn to allow it to happen.
With or without orgasms, sex is supposed to be "pleasure", and if you learn to enjoy the pleasure you're having, the orgasms will come. If you just worry about/think about orgasms, it's not going to happen. Many women take years to learn to have them, some women never learn to have them, but they still enjoy sex, because they savor every moment of pleasure they have.
Orgasms don't make sex good.....good sex makes orgasms happen. For more info about your body, you and your b/f should check out www.the-clitoris.com
PS: Like all sex, WOT takes practice. Your legs get tired because you're bouncing up and down. You don't have to do that. Kneel, don't squat, and don't bounce up and down, just grind your pelvis into his pubic bone in a circular motion. That will stimulate your clitoris, and maybe your "g" spot, and THAT will give you orgasms. WOT isn't for the man as much as the woman, and he's supposed to just lie there and watch YOU have pleasure......and relax until you're thru, then change positions, and it's HIS turn. Some men can climax this way, but most men just enjoy watching, and touching while they watch.
Its true most women will not orgasm from intercourse alone. It may be too early to decide if you are one of those people yet...There is no disgrace or shame, it is not cheating the lovemaking if you stimulate your clit while he is inside you thrusting. Millions of women do this and most guys think it is really hot to see you do this. If he supports himself with straight arms in the missionary position (man on top) you can easily reach down and masturbate yourself...Even in the doggie position, rest your upper body on your chest and reach back with your hand to stimulate yourself.. My wife loves to use her vibrator during doggie...My wife can also have g spot orgasms, but not every time.
You can compare it to this...We all know most of the mans pleasure comes from the "head" of his penis or just below the head near the "V". What if all you did was stimulate the lower shaft only? He may never come because that is not how his penis works....Well for most women just thrusting in and out is not how their orgasm trigger works. Remember this, the only organ in the womans body that its sole purpose is to deliver pleasure sensations is the clit, use it , its what it is there for....lol
Another thing, sometimes we have what is called "all oral night" No intercourse...We
please each other orally only. Makes for some variety, and we are assured of both of us
having great pleasure.(we both come from oral)
Humpdaddy made an excellent point! Just like the penis must be stimulated on the head, the vagina must be stimulated on the clitoris. A lot of people don't understand that it is pretty impossible for a woman to climax through vaginal entry only, but we really do need that clitoral stimulation.
Keep getting to know your body and his and enjoy yourself!
Good luck to you!
~Suki
Providing all your bedside needs, little and not so little.
This is very orgasm based. Kind of like saying I am not orgasming, I'm doing something wrong or whats the point in sexual intercourse? Have you explored your body properly to find out what feels good, and what doesn't? I struggled too, the whole WOT scared me because I was so nervous, and would tire (well I take ages to orgasm so of course I was going to tire lol) but persist with it. Bouncing up and down is repetitive and tiring, and unless you are good with G-spot, which very few women actually find until directed to it, not going to get you there. Like Sakura said, try grinding against him in circular motions, or rocking back and forth.
If you constantly think about having an orgasm then it isn't going to happen, concentrate on the pleasure that you are having at the time, and wait and see if the orgasm comes on its own. Doggy does put weird pressue on, I have weird sensations too, its disgusting but it feels like I need the toilet though I don't, this is due to the way the penis is stimulating your vagina, and the pleasure points in it. You get used to it. You ever tried sitting up? Try it. Once you have perfected the art of reaching orgasm once, the more you try to in different positions, is easier and more attainable.
Relax though,you are both newly sexually active, and many women never orgasm through intercourse, but oral sex is a great way to do it. Try that first. Or try to get him to give you oral sex until you are at the brink of orgasm, and then you go on top. It should help it along. But there are many other reasons to have intercourse other than orgasm, remember that. To express feelings, to just experience the pleasure.
good luck x