Not Getting Enough
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Not Getting Enough
| Mon, 08-20-2007 - 12:51am |
Okay, Im a bit new here but Im frustrated at the sex I have in my life. I've been with dealing with this "person" off and on for the past 10 years. Sex in the past was great with him. We've gone as long as an hour...(okay thats a long time for me) and he used to taste and touch my entire body, especially my neck...my weak spot. Well, we hooked back up after I had moved away a few years ago and he had went overseas. Ive noticed that our sex is so different from then. One, he doesnt last long enough....give him 10 minutes and its over. In the meantime, I'm just warming up. Two, he isnt affectionate as he used to be. We've had our discussions on sex and he blames his part on him being overseas...me I feel like a total lush because I am truly on fire and wanting this man to quinch my thirst. I love to please him. I wont let him do me because it will only make me want it more. After we've finished, I will go to the bathroom and pleasure myself. He is always asking me if its good or talking a lot of talk (afterwards). I dont want to hurt his feelings by saying it isnt good because it doesnt last long enough and no, I dont get an orgasm every time we are together. I dont lie to him about it, I just dont say anything. I love this man more than sexual but I know its a big part. Problem is...once I get my 10 minutes, I'm ready to go again (he's not) and then its on my mind for days....sex that is...what is wrong with me? I told him he couldnt give it to me in doses, he had to give me one big lump sum. Am I a nympho or is this just normal? As much as I love sex, Im not into the idea of just sleeping with guys to satify my urges. I like the one I'm with.

Welcome to the board supahfreak.
"One, he doesnt last long enough....give him 10 minutes and its over. In the meantime, I'm just warming up. Two, he isnt affectionate as he used to be. We've had our discussions on sex and he blames his part on him being overseas..."
Sounds like an excuse to me. Guys can train themselves to last longer -- if they want to. It won't happen overnight, but it can be done. As far as the affection part, that's a matter of what he likes/dislikes, wants/needs, etc. If it's something that you need, then he should be willing to at least compromise with you. If he isn't, and you accept that, then it's a decision you are making. He isn't able to enter you until you are ready for him to, so you have control over how much affection and/or foreplay you get before sex.
"I love to please him. I wont let him do me because it will only make me want it more."
And the problem with wanting more? Many women do not have orgasms during intercourse, and find that they do have orgasms through oral sex, fingering or other forms of foreplay. Sounds like if you let him please you before intercourse, it might help take care of most of your problems. The fact that he only lasts 10 minutes may not even be an issue then. He can also please you after his 10 minute performance.
Personally, I find that the more I have sex, the more I want to have sex. I think a lot of people experience that feeling. If you're not enjoying yourself when you are with him, then you are both loosing something from the experience. Start letting him please you, and you should find that it works to the advantage of both of you.
Here's an article that will explain how he can retrain himself to last longer. He can practice during masturbation, or during partnered sex.
"My guy suffers from premature ejaculation" (Please, Squeeze, At Ease)
http://magazines.ivillage.com/cosmopolitan/experts/sexexpert/qas/0,,696792_705900,00.html
Written by Ian Kerner who has overcome this himself.
Keep us posted on how things go.
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Actually 10 minutes of actual IC is probably a reasonable amount of time for most men. Sure we love the ones that can last a half-hour or more but they either spent a lot of time LEARNING to do that or just lucky that they can. In your situation I would definitely request that he hold off entering you UNTIL you are close to orgasm or even make him get you off manually or orally first. You can ask him if he would like to learn to last longer but if he doesn't want to try that then definitely concentrate on the foreplay part of sex and don't let him move on to IC until you are ready!
Good luck!
What has going overseas got to do with his sexual "prowess" or whatever?
And if he's done and you're just "warming up".......you're not getting enough foreplay. Most of us need the foreplay to warm up and even "finish".....before they get to intercourse.
As long as you're busy "pleasing him"......and not saying anything about your own dissatisfaction, how do you think anything will change? Unless he's horribly insecure, or you get nasty about it, why should it "hurt" him. Most guys WANT to please their partner, and they can't if their partner doesn't give them direction. If you're smiling and telling him how wonderful it is....why would he change anything?
If you have a good relationship, there's nothing that you can't talk about, and nothing that both of you shouldn't do to please your partner. It's "one sided" because you're making it that way. Start talking, and start asking for what you want. If he gives you what you need the first time around, you don't have to worry about seconds.
#1- I am pretty normal and regular guy. I don't think I have consistently lasted over 10 minutes my entire life. Sex for the wife and I last about 5 minutes (Intercourse) It is enough time for us both to climax. If I drink too much that delays things. I am also lethargic and not very good.
#2- Your partner owes you fulfillment. I know that if my wife needed multiple orgasms I would find a way to make it happen. Whether it be Cialis, Oral, Vibrator ect.. I would make her a happy customer.
#3- I often perform oral on my wife prior to intercourse. Two reasons- 1- She can have multiple orgasms and I can't. Why should she be limited by my limitations. 2-It takes the place of foreplay in warming her up. Sometimes I would "do the wrong things and not get her started up right". Oral works everytime. Oh, I forgot one other reason. She is really ready when we have intercourse. (Moisture wise) This makes sex very nice.
I think you need to tell your partner your needs are not being met. I would suggest he perform oral on you to move you along better. Just a suggestion. If you are frustrated in the bed it will show in your marriage. You need to resolve it if possible.
Because you just had a baby......it's really easy to give up sex......because your hormones haven't returned to normal, and won't for about a year. After that, you might rethink your decision!
And, no, you really haven't "discussed" anything. YOU talked, he said he was sorry. That is not a solution to the problem. He can be sorry all he wants to be, if he cares about you, then he works on changing things. If he's not willing to even TRY to change, then you have a bigger problem on your hands.
I think you both would benefit with some marital counseling, and maybe sexual counseling. If you're so bored with foreplay, then either he's not doing it right, or you have some kind of hang-ups that don't allow you to enjoy it. If you've been bored with foreplay with every partner you've ever had, maybe you never had a partner that knew what he was doing. There are lots of men who don't have a clue. But, they can be taught, if they care enough about their partner to learn.
In one breath you're saying you can't get enough and you want to please him, and in another, you're saying that foreplay is boring. I also see where you say you're talking, but are talking with him or to him? Conversation runs both ways, and he's not going to change or hear you if you try to make this all out to be his problem.
Saying things like "I need" or "I would like" can go a long way. Saying "you don't" and "you need to" are counterproductive.
You are building this case here based on him lasting for 10 minutes during intercourse. You are saying that you don't enjoy foreplay. Personally, that sounds like your demands are pretty high. Most guys can't just go on and on with intercourse -- they're either going to get sore or their going to loose their erection. What can happen is making changes during intercourse to make it last longer. Changing to different positions, going back to foreplay, introducing oral in the middle of intercourse, taking a break for a drink of water -- those things can all make intercourse last longer, or should I say his erection last longer.
If you're not interested in foreplay, and you want to have an orgasm during intercourse, then perhaps you should concentrate on finding extra stimulation during intercourse to help you have an orgasm sooner. Introduce toys, use your fingers, his finger, whatever is necessary. Also, are you expecting him to do all the work during intercourse? Are you an active partner, or are you just playing the role of "recipient"? It takes a lot of energy on his part to have intercourse if that's the case. Maybe doing positions like woman on top will help him last longer, and take some stress off of him at the same time.
It's great to have a board like this to get ideas and advice. I can understand that you're frustrated, but from what I'm reading, you are at least an equal in the cause of the frustration that you're feeling. You say you love this guy and he's the one that you want to be with, then you need to learn how to problem solve together and how to communicate.
In another post, you wrote:
"...I dont get enough of it..maybe if I did, that would curve my cravings...Im scared that I'm at my peak and not able to take advantage of it. I'm currently with only one person but we work so crazy that we barely have time for each other."
So, you have a 6 week old baby and you barely have time for each other. You're horny all the time and probably want to have sex as often as you can during that time together. When is there time to talk? Maybe you're guy is tired. Working hard, having a new baby (that he was already afraid of the responsibility of), and trying to satisfy you. That takes a lot out of a person. If you don't have time to go to counseling together, perhaps try getting some books about the pleasures of sex if nothing else.
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