Back to the "Big O" question

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2007
Back to the "Big O" question
2
Tue, 08-21-2007 - 6:43pm

I've read so many blogs and posts about this topic so I feel redundant posting about something that is so commonly talked about, but I feel like something is wrong with me.

I'm 23 and never had an orgasm. I have tried solo using lubrication and I get excited (toes curl a bit), but I never get resolution. I stay in that same state for about 5 min. and then I just get sore and it starts to hurt OR I stop having the exciting feelings. It's extremely frustrating. I am in a committed relationship and my boyfriend is very supportive and understanding. I have not been able to orgasm through oral sex either. I end up telling him to stop because either I'm not getting the right sensation or I just get sore. I feel bad because I don't even know how to pleasure myself properly so I can't give him advice either. The times when I am most aroused are when we are kissing passionately and grinding against each other...I get EXTREMELY aroused, but it only lasts for about 30 seconds and then it's gone before I can do anything else. I do have insecurity issues and this is my first long-term, serious relationship so I know that a lot of this is psychological.

I'm hoping that there are people out there who have similar experiences. It's almost making me more insecure because I feel there is something wrong with me so the psychological cycle is continuing.

Any advice?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Wed, 08-22-2007 - 1:49am

The best way to NEVER have an orgasm is to get frustrated about not having orgasms. An orgasm comes from pleasure, and if you're so busy worrying about the orgasm not happening....you're not enjoying what IS happening. Making an orgasm a goal will never give you an orgasm.

The reason for having sex with a partner you care about is to ENJOY it, enjoy the pleasure and the intimacy. If you concentrate on THAT......and forget about the orgasm.....it might happen.

Orgasms don't make sex good.......good sex makes orgasms happen. There are women who have never had one, but they still enjoy sex. It's the ice cream on the cake.....and cake without ice cream is very good.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Wed, 08-22-2007 - 8:37am

Welcome to the board ocean_green.


It sounds like you are putting a lot of pressure on yourself to have an orgasm. There's a lot that goes into having an orgasm, and pressuring yourself to have one is definitely counterproductive. The two main ingredients are thoughts and pleasure. You need to start thinking of the pleasure you're feeling, or the pleasure that you have felt.



Have you tried using a vibrator while masturbating? I have never been able to have an orgasm using just my fingers, and I can have orgasms fairly easily. You can also include a vibrator during your partnered play. Since you say you get sore, you probably just need to vary your touch and position (or the spot that you are touching) more frequently. Beginning with a light touch and working up to a firmer one helps.



Here are a couple of articles that you might also find helpful:



Why can’t I have an Orgasm?

http://love.ivillage.com/lnssex/sexorgasm/0,,drruth_qr4q,00.html



Help! I’ve never had an orgasm

http://love.ivillage.com/lnssex/sexorgasm/0,,drpatti_216,00.html



You're not on a race, so take things slow, enjoy yourself and experience the many pleasures of sex. All of those things will help you relax, and will lead you in the right direction to start having orgasms. Keep us posted on how things are going.



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