ED ?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2004
ED ?
3
Sat, 08-25-2007 - 3:43pm

This is hard to talk about but a bit easier here, I guess it is the idea that I don't know you and probally never will meet face to face -- so here goes.

I am in the middle of a long dry spell, and a buddy of mine said he knew a woman who would give me a pity f**k so to speak. He pushed it is as 'to get my confidence back up and ready for my next relationship so to speak. I said I did not want to just take advantage of a woman so to speak. I agreed for some reason against my better judgment. Skip ahead past the thoughts of sleaze, to the day of. I am driving a car with out A/C for about an hour (6 PM North TX mid-summer heat) a bit dehydrated, stressed (this and I was fired and out of work about 2 months and I had just started a new job), a bit depressed from being out of work for so long, oh and am on B/P med -- no change in med and sex did work just fine while on this med before -- but I haven't checked my B/P in a while.

When I first arrived I asked for a quick shower, to rinse off from not having A/C, and to kinda clam my racing heart.
So I started a bit of fore-play, and she kinda moans and says I think I am wet enough but I was not hard -- it was not even semi-hard it was so small and so very soft, I was not even starting to grow an erection. She again prompted time to move on so to speak, and said she knew it had been a while would I prefer her on top or me, then she realized my problem. I asked if she might try a B/J she said ok, and still after several minutes of work I was only about half to 3/4 of my full hard size and still quite soft. She said we could try again, I said not that night but perhaps - that was a few days ago and I am not sure if I even want to call to try again with her.

PS I had 2 condoms on hand -- kinda made a joke of it I knew it had been a while and did not want to be known as "a two pump chump", she thought it was cute and appreciated that I had agreed with her on safety she also had one on hand just in case.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
In reply to: hammjason
Sat, 08-25-2007 - 4:25pm

Well, anytime you can't get an erection when you should be able to get an erection you are experiencing ED. However, in this case, I don't think it's necessarily because of a medical condition. While you are on BP meds, you had a lot of stress going on accompanied by being in a situation you weren't quite comfortable with.

It's up to you whether you want to try again or not. Personally, it wouldn't be worth it if it was me, but everyone has their own way of looking at things. I wouldn't go to someone just to get laid. That's not to say I wouldn't have casual sex, but it would be because I was attracted to the person sexually and hooked up with them on my own. It would seem to me that you stand a high likelihood of having this happen again if you go back to this woman. You're going to have this time on your mind, and that's going to start you off the the wrong track. It also seems like she was rushing things, so what is it that she gains from this situation?

Are you able to masturbate and maintain an erection on your own? If you were having medical problems that cause ED, that is normally affected too.



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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
In reply to: hammjason
Sat, 08-25-2007 - 6:49pm

>>a buddy of mine said he knew a woman who would give me a pity f**k so to speak.<<

>>a bit depressed from being out of work for so long,<<

>>I said I did not want to just take advantage of a woman so to speak.<<

>>kinda made a joke of it I knew it had been a while and did not want to be known as "a two pump chump"<<

Give yourself a break. You hardly knew the woman, you'd been set up to have sex by a buddy and it was basically against your will and certainly against your gut-feelings and better judgement. Finally, you've got a bit of stress in your life and you were *already* concerned about your sexual performance before you walked in her door....

I'm not really surprised that you WEREN'T into it and couldn't get it up.

I'm sure that things would have been vastly different if you'd met a cute girl at your new work place, gone on a couple of dates at your own pace, and couldn't wait to get into her pants because you really liked her and thought that she was incredibly hot. Instead you find yourself doing something and being with someone that was a totally set-up and artificial situation.

You do NOT have ED. You have not responded normally (and gotten an erection) because it was not a "normal" situation. It was in several ways a pressure situation. Believe it or not most men don't perform very well under stressful, pressured situations.

What to do? Don't take your buddy's advice. Get out there and date, yes. But do it, more or less, at your own pace and with women that YOU choose.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
In reply to: hammjason
Sat, 08-25-2007 - 11:42pm

I agree with Westridge. You were in a situation that you really didn't want to be in....and hot, tired, stressed out....and pretty much uncomfortable. I'm sure there are some men who can perform well with what sounds like a "semi-professional".....but it wasn't working for you.

Get out and find a woman that you can date and get to know....and I'm sure it will work just fine. The only reason for a dry spell is that you're not trying.....There are lots of single women out there that would LOVE to meet a nice guy...