Am I expecting too much?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2007
Am I expecting too much?
4
Tue, 09-04-2007 - 1:23am
Married 20 years(Happy). Wife and I have sex 2-3 times per week. It is great! 90% of the time I perform orally on DW. When we have sex she usualy orgasms 2x. Due in large part to oral sex. My wife knows I love oral sex. (I don't expect her to swallow or do anything weird) My wife gives me oral about 3x per year. It is always when she is on her period too. I am sexually satisfied but feeling a little unequal in th relationship. If I brought it up. (I have in the past) She would just insist on me never performing oral on her. That would not make things better. How can I get oral sex mor than 3x per year. I am doing all I can to make it good and the realtionship right. We have a great marriage. This is the only area I feel things are out of whack. Any ideas would be welcomed.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Tue, 09-04-2007 - 7:52am

Welcome to the board regguy.

There are a lot of fun, flavored lubes on the market today. Some can even be purchased in local drug stores (like CVS). Maybe picking one up that you think she might like would make her willing to try more often. Especially if she has trouble with any dryness. I love giving hubby oral, but there was a period of time (not long ago) when I wasn't able to create enough spit/saliva, which made it unpleasant for me and a lot more work. Now that I've quit smoking, I don't have that problem, but the flavored lube did help then and is still fun to use now.

Another thing might be to let her know that you only want oral as a form of foreplay. I know that if I'm particularly interested in having intercourse, I can be a little more reluctant to give hubby oral. It's purely selfish! Of course, I'll give him oral after intercourse too, so it still works out okay for him.



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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2007
Tue, 09-04-2007 - 9:42am

Thank you for the reply. I have asked repeatedly if it was uncomfortable or hard for her. I cannot accept pleasure at the expense of my wife. If she were to tell me it was hard on her mouth ect... it would be a non issue. I work super hard to be clean for her. That (to my knowledge) is not an issue. I think it is based on the fact she is not interested in meeting my needs or reciprocating. I estimate I perform oral on her 80-90 times a year. She gives me oral 3x per year. Just doesn't seem fair. Like I said when it is brought up she just says "We don't need to be doing oral anyway". If I stop oral on her our sex life will suffer. It really gets her interested in having sex and makes the act more pleasurable for both of us.

I have lurked here for a long time. I just had to ask and get advice (if available) Thanks!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Tue, 09-04-2007 - 10:25am

Sounds like she's just not fond of performing oral. I think a lot of couples are mismatched in this area. Do you think there's anything else you might be able to get her do that would create an extra edge of excitement for you? Maybe a handjob, letting you cum on her breasts, dirty talk, mutual masturbation, etc?

If she's having orgasms from oral, chances are she wouldn't be fond of it missing for any length of time. I'm not advocating that you with hold, but it might make her think about it more.



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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2007
Tue, 09-04-2007 - 5:17pm

Yeah, she climaxes from oral and then from intercourse. It works really well. We can usually both climax from just intercourse but oral as a starter is really nice.

I think I will slack off but not stop oral for her. I am thinking to move it down to one every 4 times. It is becoming a problem for me. I enjoy it because she enjoys it more than anything. Now it is beginning to bother me. I will let you know how it turns out. Our sex life is really good. I hate to tinker with anything but this problem is growing. Perhaps I should just tell her how I feel and if she says... "that's fine, we won't do oral altogether" it will be a non issue. I think I am giving her all of the benefits and none of the responsibility in the relationship.