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| Wed, 09-05-2007 - 12:52pm |
You have all been so helpful to me whenever I come on this board and post a question or ask for advice...this time I'm really hoping for some good help...I've already posted this on another board, but like I said, you've all been so very helpful here....
After about a year and a half, Sunday night, my, well, ex-bf now, broke up with me. He called me at work and said that we needed to talk. So when I got home, I called him, and after finally getting him to open up, he said that he thinks we need some time apart. He promised me he would always be here for me, and the least we'll ever be is really good friends. I have high hopes that maybe someday we will get back together. And he's told me that we might someday down the road. It's been a really long, hard couple of days. So, he called me this morning, like normal, to see how I'm doing, how I slept, etc... and decided to tell me that he's seeing someone else already!!! But swears to me that he didn't cheat on me! What is really confusing about that is for the last couple months, it's been really hard for me and him to see each other due to opposite work schedules, he now has two jobs, and is going to school. But now this new girl lives about 4 hours away!! One of the things he told me Sunday night was that he didn't feel as if we were dating the last couple months because we never got to see each other, now he's "dating" someone 4 hours away?? So, I asked him how it was that he could move on so quickly, and he says he doesn't know. My opinion is, I think he just needs some time to maybe go out and party with his buddies, and drink and have his freedom. I also think that maybe he's just scared of what would have happened between me and him, I definately think he has some commitment issues.
At first, I was really upset about the inital break up, but the more I think about it, I think it may be a good thing. Slow things down, grow up a little bit, then maybe start over. And he agrees, and yes, I'm devistated that he's seeing someone else already. I'm just really confused about the whole situation, and I don't know what to do. Anybody to give any advice or help would be greatly appreciated !! Thanks in advance. !

"He promised me he would always be here for me, and the least we'll ever be is really good friends. I have high hopes that maybe someday we will get back together. And he's told me that we might someday down the road. It's been a really long, hard couple of days."
This is something I use to see guys do back in my college days so they always had a companion handy, mainly for sexual activity. Break up but string them along while they went after someone else. If that someone else didn't work out, they had a fall back. Now I don't know this guy at all but it's not fair that he might be offering you hope to keep you hanging on here. Some day seems likely that it won't like come. He already is seeing someone and he couldn't commitment to you. Maybe he sees you like a sister as it seems as he calls you every day. But doing that makes it difficult for you to move on.
It is probably a good time for you to take that break and go out enjoy yourself with your friends. Who knows, you might find someone else out there who is interested in seeing you and doesn't have commitment issues. Don't wait around with the hope that your ex will change his mind and take you back. For now it looks like he has moved on and just enjoys having you as a friend. Maybe he might change his mind later and want you back but you shouldn't sit around waiting. Who knows what may await you in this big world. :-D
For now, I would think it will be somewhat easier for you if you reduce taking the number of phone calls from him so you can focus on yourself and your future.
Trying to figure out why it happened, or asking questions that you might not want the honest answer to is just going to keep you in turmoil, IMO. It is going to take you a while to move on, but being there for him as a friend right now is probably not the best choice you could make. While you might be able to be friends down the road, it sounds like he wants to string you along, or put his guilty feelings to rest by hanging on right now. I think when people have a mutual break up -- they determine for whatever reason it's not the right time for them to be in a relationship, then they might be able to maintain a friendship. Otherwise, I think you need a clean break so you can heal and move forward.
I see you also posted on the Breaking Up is Hard to Do board. I know the CLs over there are great -- one of them (Carrie) is even the CL of the Month! Just remember, you will heal, and you will be able to move forward.
{{{{{H U G S}}}}}
Hi dreamergrl. I am sorry you are going through that. He broke up with you but wants to be really good friend.. I think you need to clean break from him. Have no contact until you get yourself over the break-up. Concentrate on yourself, what you like, hang out with friends, meet other people, and have fun.
May I ask how old you are? Please fill out your profile so we can know a little about you. Thanks!
{{HUGS}}
You've just learned a very important lesson in life. Guys do not break up from a GOOD relationship out of the blue. Whether or not he "cheated" on you isn't important anymore......because he's with someone else now, and you can bet your life that the "someone else" is the reason he broke up with you.
Now he's calling you, asking how you are, etc. Maybe he's covering his bases, if the new girl doesn't work out, he figures you'll still be waiting for him. DON'T BE!
Maybe your pregnancy scare last week was the impetus he needed to end it. He was probably just as scared as you were, thinking he was going to get "trapped" into something he wasn't ready for.
In any case, he's chosen to move on, and you need to do the same. Don't go out looking for a man......you're too vulnerable right now. Get together with your girlfriends, and go out and enjoy yourself. There IS life after a breakup.
There's an old saying......"when the door of happiness closes, usually another one opens, but you're not going to see it if you're crying and watching the first door."
For the time being, tell him to stop calling you. You can't move on if you're still waiting to hear from him. I'll bet his new g/f wouldn't be very happy if she knew he was still calling you, either.
Move on. Forget about this guy.
You will find someone that will really love you.
First loves always hurt the most.