what's up wih that?????

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2007
what's up wih that?????
5
Sat, 09-08-2007 - 1:47pm
In this world there are people that u call sexually unhibited and i am one. i love to get my freak on and have no problem with that. but what i do have a problem with is some of these selfish guys. now i am not sayin that all guys are selfish sexually but i have ran into 3 in a rown in the past month. it's like some of these men cringe when u say go down on me or look at u sideways when u pleasure them right. they try to classify u as a...ho, or slut which i and alot of sexually uninhibited are not. i mean if a guy wants pleasure then he asks his partner to give it to him. but why is that when women want to enjoy an orgasm then we're left out in the cold or looked at sideways. tell me if u have ever ran into a guy or girl who has did this to u.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Sat, 09-08-2007 - 9:09pm

If these are one night stands or just casual sex flings, that's what sometimes happens.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Sat, 09-08-2007 - 11:37pm

Maybe you need to inform them up front what you want from them.....If they're not interested, the next one might be.

The more partners you have, the more your chance of finding the selfish ones....as Tish said, they're not there to please you, they're there to get THEIR pleasure.

Just as an FYI, "uninhibited" doesn't refer to numbers.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2001
Sat, 09-08-2007 - 11:44pm

I don't think that it affects just sexually uninhibited women. I'm quite sure that if I, as a guy, asked a very new partner in a matter of fact and open and honest way that I wanted her to stick her well lubricated finger up my rectum as she was giving me a BJ - and just before I came on her face, that I would get some shocked looks and be labelled as some sort of deviant by many women. I can't say that for sure because I've never actually done that, but I'm pretty sure that I would face the same issue that you have come up against.

Perhaps it isn't what you are asking, perhaps it's a case of too much too soon?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Sun, 09-09-2007 - 11:57am

As the others have mentioned, I think you run a risk of finding a selfish lover if you're just moving thru guys -- whether you are sexually inhibited or not. If someone is just hooking up with you for sex, then it's going to be about them. They aren't trying to show feeling or develop a relationship. There's no "fine" if they don't handle the merchandise carefully. They may also be hesitant to participate in certain sexual acts with you -- especially if they aren't their favorite acts to begin with.

On the other side of that fence is that possibly you are looking for a guy to have a relationship with, but your sexual boldness is shocking them. There's a difference between being uninhibited and being bold. If you're looking to develop a relationship with someone, there's no need for urgency -- no need to be bold, and it's certainly not a necessary step of proving that your are not inhibited.

In either event, or even with a regular partner, there's also the turn off that comes with having someone constantly telling you what to do. You're asking them for what you want, but are you giving them a chance to do things to you that they think you might enjoy? It can be very distracting and unpleasurable to have someone taking away your own creativeness, or having someone give you constant directions. It's kind of like someone giving you an assignment and then trying to micro-manage your progress -- it just doesn't work out well.

You say they look at you sideways when "you pleasure them right". Maybe you're not pleasuring them right. Maybe you're just pleasuring them the way you think they should like it. Just as each woman is different, so is each guy. Not everyone has the same likes and dislikes, and usually it takes time to learn about the likes and dislikes of a new partner.



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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2006
Sun, 09-09-2007 - 3:12pm

" now i am not sayin that all guys are selfish sexually but i have ran into 3 in a rown in the past month. it's like some of these men cringe when u say go down on me or look at u sideways when u pleasure them right. they try to classify u as a...ho, or slut which i and alot of sexually uninhibited are not. "

3 guys in a row in the last month? Sexually unhibited means you're open to exploring various avenues of sex. Sexually unhibited doesn't mean you that are open to sex with lots of guys. Are you finding these guys in the same place or group of places? If you are and people talk and/or watch you, you can get the type of labels that you mention. Plus the guys tend not to respect you if that is how you are viewed and just are looking to get what they want out of the encounter. Doesn't matter what you get out of it.