Porno Tongue

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2007
Porno Tongue
4
Mon, 09-10-2007 - 10:51am

I need some suggestions about kissing. I've been with my boyfriend on/off for 6 years and although we admit we have never been more sexually compatible with someone, we rarely make-out anymore. In fact it's never been a regular thing except when we first started dating.

Anyway we both like watching porn and it seems everytime one of us initiates kissing it always turns into him doing the porno tongue on me. If you don't know it's like tongues out waggling at each other, not really intimate kissing. And if we do get into more intimate kissing it is only during sex and then turns into him doing the porno tongue again.

I really miss just nice, sweet, but exciting making out. How can I bring this up without offending him? Also we rarely have "romantic" sex anymore which is also something I'd like more of. Any ideas?

ps - He dated a virgin while we were broken up for a year and ended up taking her virginity. I'm can't imagine him doing anything but romantic sex w/ someone like that and certaintly can't see him giving her the porno tongue so that kind of annoys me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
In reply to: katrina789
Mon, 09-10-2007 - 11:19am

How long ago were you broken up for that year? The fact that he was with someone else during that time is something you need to get out of your head. The two of you were broken up, and a year is a long time. It's natural that either of you would have had other partners. Being jealous or trying to compare your relationship with him to one that he might have had with her will just stifle your relationship now.

Have you talked to your BF about wanting to have some more romantic sexual experiences with him? Is there anything that you do to set the mood for when you are together? Perhaps playing the right kind of music, setting soft light, or having a romantic dinner beforehand would be helpful in that area. How's your relationship outside of the bedroom? Chances are if there's no romance outside, he's not going to be the one to bring it inside.

When you mention kissing, and using your tongue, I'm getting the impression that you are waiting for him to initiate things sexually. He uses his tongue, but you don't? Why is that? Tongues can be very erotic, and in some respects to play like you're mentioning, it's a "bad girl" effect. There's a difference between that and a romantic kissing session on the couch. Have you tried to initiate make out sessions?

You can always have a talk with BF about the things that you feel are missing in your relationship. If you do that, being outside of the bedroom is a good idea, as is using "I" statements instead of "You" statements or even "We" statements. Instead of saying "We never...." or "You should...", try "I miss....". Otherwise, it's like you're casting blame on him, and that will likely make him shut down and not really listen to what you're saying.

Let us know how things go.










iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
In reply to: katrina789
Mon, 09-10-2007 - 1:28pm

I agree! First of all, forget about what he did, who he did it with, and how he did it. You weren't with him at the time, and you have NO idea how he treated her....not your problem, not your business.

How he's treating YOU is your business. If you don't like these things, why not just tell him that you miss the "old times" and you're not really into all that porn stuff on a regular basis. If that hurts his feelings, then HE has a problem. If your b/f isn't interested in giving you pleasure, the way you'd like it.....then he doesn't care much about what you want, and it's all about him.

He does what he does. You say nothing. So, how is he supposed to know you don't like it? A perfect example of "people treat you the way you teach them to treat you". You don't tell him that you want something different, you won't GET anything different. You get what you ask for in life, and if you're afraid to ask, then accept what you're being given.

This business of worrying that you'll hurt someone's feelings is so ridiculous. Unless a person has a huge ego problem, their feelings aren't hurt when someone they love asks them to do something different. I'll bet if he wants something different, he tells you and he doesn't worry about you getting "hurt".

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2007
In reply to: katrina789
Mon, 09-10-2007 - 4:27pm

Thanks for your replies and advice. First things first, yes I love using tongue but there's a differene between erotic tongue and porno tongue. Secondly things outside the bedroom are great and really romantic! He's always saying romantic things, perhaps it's the doing that could use some work.

Anyway I guess I'll just have to speak up. The other night I tried to just do regular but hot and romantic french kissing and it didn't quite work out because it soon turned to porno tongue again.

In case you missed it by porno tongue I mean both our tongues are clearly outside our mouths just waggling at each other. And yes I do it back because I'm not just doing to sit there and let him lick my face! It's hard to explain the difference between porno tongue and regular tongue kissing...

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
In reply to: katrina789
Mon, 09-10-2007 - 11:22pm
Hon, I know what the difference is. And I don't blame you for not liking it....but it's up to you to tell HIM you don't like it! Obviously, he didn't get the "hint" you gave him.....so start talking.