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| Thu, 09-13-2007 - 9:53pm |
Okay so I have been a away for a bit. Between work travel and moving into our new house and out of the apartment. I have been trying not to push the lack of Sex issue. But tonight at the weekly Weight Watchers meeting it came up. Or the lack of it (in my mind). Someone mentioned how all the activity points exist for most anything, but not for Sex. So I am looking for advice, cause maybe I can use this as a motivator to get more action then once every 4 to 6 months.
I am almost ready to run and let slip to my father-in-law that his ONLY daughter has a sex problem, cause he continues to make comments about the lack of a grandchild and imply about kinky sex. But I do not want sex only to make a kid in my wife. We are not ready for that. So your thoughts and comments are welcome.
Trying to get on more often.

Anything that you can do to encourage her to have sex is great, but be prepared to also get more frustrated. If her libido is as low as you say, then it's likely that she will still be rejecting you. Most often, a person with such a low libido has contributing issues to deal with as well. Depression, medication for depression, dieting, stress, etc., can all contribute to her lack of desire. If you can convince her to begin a committed plan for your relationship, of scheduled sex maybe once a week, then it can take a lot of pressure off of both of you. It would also be good for her to talk to her doctor about her lack of desire.
Have you visited the Mismatched Libido board? You may find some helpful answers over there as well.
Well, as tempting as it is to vent to someone, anyone, or even a father-in-law because he's hassling you about it, I really don't think letting him know would do anyone any good at all.
I'm not familiar with the background. There are a few things that you can do for starters - like encourage her and support her and make her feel loved and wanted but it sounds like you've heard all that before. Get her checked out by a Doctor to ensure that there aren't medical problems. I think her thoughts are important. What has she said during all this? About all this? It sounds like you've talked to her about it?
I agree with Misty and keep her father out of it.
Thanks for all the comments and feedback. As I thought about it last night and I agree venting to my father-in-law (other then to tell him to say out of it). Would be a bad idea.
I know we have discussed this once with our primary care physician and they at the time (husband/wife team) did not have anything to advice on due to a combination of issues she was dealing with (PCOS, Over-Weight, Stress at work, etc...) they recommend attacking the simple to the hard and then seeing where it goes (Stress, OW, PCOS). One thing that they did tell me was that the PCOS will sometimes drive down a SEX Drive and no matter how romantic you try it won't work. You just have to time it just right.
Now I have been thinking about maybe a marriage counselor or a love one, but do not what to look for cause the last time I saw any counselor for anything not physical in nature I felt worse then better. Mental health doctor's and me do not see the same light it appears. I see them as a waste of time and money if they do not communicate, where my medical doctors will take time to talk with me and not just rush in and out. So they get the big picture and can help me it appears. So advice on this and how to get the wife to work with me on this is appreciated too.
Thanks again,
It sounds like you haven't found a good mental health professional in the past. I know that in general, such a doctor will encourage you to think differently by asking questions and showing you other ways to deal with what's going on. If you're looking for them to "tell" you how to fix something, that's really not possible. Each person has their own thoughts, they can just help you learn to control them better -- they can't tell you how to think, act or feel. When you visit a good mental health doctor, he/she will make you feel relaxed, and will guide your conversation so that she/he hears what they need to help you with.
If you don't want to see a counselor, you might want to consider looking into some books. Self help books allow you to work at your own progress, and they can be kept around for inspiration or as a resource.
First, your wife has to realize there is a problem, and second, she has to be committed to working on the problem. Sometimes, having stress and other problems prevents a person from being able to have the strength to fix this. I agree with your doctor about fixing the small problems first. If you can move them out of the way, then you can head on to the larger problems. IMO, regaining a sex life would help her with many of her other problems. There are a lot of health benefits to having sex, and with PCOS, she may have many of the problems she has because of that. I'm also hearing that you don't believe in counselors/mental health professionals. Perhaps your wife is hearing that too, and it just may be that she needs individual counseling for everything that she is dealing with. If she thinks you don't approve of that, it just puts one more rock in her path to stumble over. Often, couples need individual as well as couples counseling.
CL:
Thanks for the advice. I think it was a bad experience, you know personally I will give anything more than one try (well almost anything). All I want is my wife to get better as this venting here is helping me some.
Anyway I will look around and call some councilors in this area. But can you or anyone else offer advice on questions to ask them before committing to a particular one, cause I know it is a very difficult commitment to make to any doctor and I do not want to waste their time either.