How to build up your confidence?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2005
How to build up your confidence?
4
Wed, 09-26-2007 - 3:12pm
Thanks for all the replies to my last post. After I read them I realized that it is more of a self confidence issue on my part. I'm trying to have a healthier relationship with someone this time around, and in the past, I admit I've let myself be pushed around sexually in relationships. I want to be more sure of myself, and unafraid to let my wants be known. My problem is that I get shy/embarrassed talking to my partner about what I want. I also have trouble standing up for myself when they want me to do something in bed that makes me uncomfortable. I would love any advice you all might have on being a more confident person in the bedroom. I have alot of trouble getting "lost in the moment" as well during sexual acts. I become entirely too self conscious and my ability to O suffers immensely. All of your advice has been great so far, I appreciate it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Wed, 09-26-2007 - 5:33pm

For me, some of that confidence comes with knowing and trusting my partner. Some of that confidence also comes with knowing that your pleasure will make his pleasure better as well. Most guys love to know that the woman is enjoying herself -- unless he's a selfish lover. I'm going to put a couple of links below for you, that should help answer some of the benefits of having that confidence in the bedroom.



As far as doing things that you don't want to do, that's where you have to set your boundaries and not cross them. It's okay for him to suggest something, but if you say no, then he shouldn't be pushing the issue. If it's something you don't want to do, and he keeps pushing the issue, then it sounds like he's not the right guy to be with. I will say that your tastes, likes, wants might change over time, so you may find that you are interested in things later on that you aren't right now.




AskMen.com Boost Your Sexual Confidence

"Find out exactly what's going on in your guy's brain and learn what men do to seal the deal. Use the same tactics they do to become a regular bedroom bombshell yourself!"

http://love.ivillage.com/lnssex/sextechnique/0,,askmen_bpksqgbs,00.html



You on top: The sexiest mattress moves of all:

"Guys love it when you take control in the sack, so don't be shy. Just read these passion pointers, then hop on so you can both enjoy the ride."

http://magazines.ivillage.com/cosmopolitan/sex/no/articles/0,,426380_500115,00.html



Better Sex, Easy as 1-2-3: 20 Tips Every Couple Should Know
"Could your sex life use a boost? You're not the only one. Over the years, I've been asked every question there is, from getting in the mood to learning how to become orgasmic. That's why I've put together 20 of my best tips right here. Here's to many more years of better sex!"

http://love.ivillage.com/lnssex/sextechnique/0,,drruth_r9s4,00.html



5 Things That Can Ruin Your Sex Life (and how to avoid them)

http://love.ivillage.com/lnssex/sexconcerns/0,,traceycox_7slp2dh5,00.html

By Tracey Cox

Sex Sin #1: Squeamishness

Sex Sin #2: Fear of Experimentation

Sex Sin #3: Not Knowing Thine Own Body

Sex Sin #4: Never Taking Charge

Sex Sin #5: Being Easily Embarrassed



I have a huge list of resources if you are interested in more articles, but I think you'll find some excellent pointers in the ones I have listed here.










iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Wed, 09-26-2007 - 11:25pm

You get confidence from knowing that you're worth respect.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-28-2006
Thu, 09-27-2007 - 6:42am
*People are always asking what men are attracted to.........and one of the main things is confidence. The only men who like doormats are the jerks who are ALSO insecure.......and they want to be able to control a woman. Not only do decent men like confident women, insecure jerks are turned off by them......so you won't attract them.*

Seconding what Sakura said, from a guy's perspective. There is no bigger turn on than a sexually confident woman.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Thu, 09-27-2007 - 9:05am

I just wanted to add........I didn't mention "sexually confident"......although the examples I gave were sexually oriented......because that's the example the OP used.


Just as important........is just plain "self confidence".