women can enjoy sex too, right?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2008
women can enjoy sex too, right?
3
Sun, 02-03-2008 - 9:09pm
My husband and I have been talking about ways to improve our sex life. We are in agreement on nearly everything, until it comes down to solution time. He says he agrees that it is something for both men and women to enjoy and that it is something we both have to work on to get results. However, when it comes to talking about ways to make it better, all of his suggestions are about how to make *him* feel happier. For instance, I am supposed to pay attention to what *his* body likes so *I* can enjoy sex more. While I do get pleasure out of him enjoying himself, what I need right now is a little selflessness from him. I have explained this, but he just does not get it.
I wouldn't mind making more efforts to please him more, if it weren't for the fact that he ignores what changes I need to be made. He acts like him pleasing me more is contingent upon how much length I will go through to please him first. I feel like the effort is always wasted because it leaves me working harder to keep him entertained and I get diddly squat out of it. I never see any changes on his part and it leaves me just wanting to roll my eyes.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2007
Sun, 02-03-2008 - 10:53pm

Yes, you should have an enjoyable, fulfilling sexual relationship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Mon, 02-04-2008 - 12:03am

First of all, the question

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Tue, 02-05-2008 - 10:36am

Welcome to the board, ashflash.

I don't know the entire history in your bedroom, but it does sound like you're guy is being selfish. Ultimately, it's up to you to decide how much enjoyment you are going to get out of the sexual part of your relationship. Do you take the lead in the bedroom? Do you tell him what you need verbally during sex? Have you tried showing him what works for you? If he just doesn't get it, you could have him review the site www.the-clitoris.com, which will explain the female anatomy to him as well as how it responds to sexual stimulation.

The communication factor and the emotional issues are totally separate. As someone else mentioned, you might need a counselor to help in that area. Here are some articles that might be helpful to review too:

3 Communication Pitfalls to Avoid
http://love.ivillage.com/lnsproblems/lnscommunicate/0,,7mcw,00.html

Solutions to Your Top Two Communication Problems
http://love.ivillage.com/lnsproblems/lnscommunicate/0,,saver_7p3g,00.html

Speak Up! Ask Him for What You Want
http://love.ivillage.com/lnsproblems/lnscommunicate/0,,7ffztdxn,00.html

How can I get my guy to listen?
http://love.ivillage.com/lnsproblems/lnscommunicate/0,,guystellall_9nmljwsn,00.html

Get Through to Your Man: 5 Tips for Better Communication
http://love.ivillage.com/lnm/lnmgetcloser/0,,84s,00.html

If the two of you have a history of this problem, then you will probably need to take baby steps to get things sorted out. If he does do things you need, be sure to let him know they work -- then take another step forward for more.