Someone tell me if this is normal?????
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| Thu, 02-07-2008 - 8:34am |
So, then he said that he could do it himself, that he knows his body and that it wouldn't take him but 5 min to do it. So then I said what if I do it? and he said it only will work if he does it. So he did it, and it took about 5 min. Ok, with the exception of him going soft and not being able to finish, the sex was great. My questions are this: Why would you say he would be having this problem staying hard? I am kinda starting to believe that maybe the problem is me, that he doesn't want me enough or find me attractive enough. I have never ever had this problem before with anyone that I ever have been with. Also, why would it take a man so long to finish? He was going to go to bed and not finish himself, until I said something. I appreciate he was taking care of me and my needs but what about his? Why would it take so long? When we did it the first time, he also didn't finish either. He made it all about me, which I appreciate. Also, why could he manually do it himself and it take 5 min and when I would do it, it would not work and go soft? Am I missing something here? Should I be doing something else? I am really confused here because I really have deep feelings for this man and I think the sex could be even better if these issues were resolved. From talking to him he doesn't seem to think that there is a problem. He just said this is how it's always been. I know he has done it before, he has 2 kids. LOL And, one last question, he asked me when we were on the phone before he came over if I had porn. Why would he ask me that? I have never had a man ask me that before, it was never a issue. Well, any opinions would be helpful. Thanks.

There is no such thing as "normal" when it comes to sex.
I would suggest that its a performance anxiety. It is a psychological thing. He can get it up, and he can be going great...but then a thought pops into his head that he won't be able to finish off with ya, a panic takes him inside, and blah...there goes the hard on. He is probably wired more directly from his mind to his penis. The good thing is you are able to get him up again. That is a good sign that he is somewhat able to control his mind and put himself back in the right mindset.
What I would suggest is when you feel like you are done, ask him if he wants to finish on you...maybe on your stomach, boobs, face, or butt, (even feet for some). When he is finishing himself...watch what he is doing to himself. Watch closely. See what hand he is using. try to pay attention the pressure he is using. the speed, Try to mimic exactly what he doing. After he does that a few times....then when it looks like he is close to finishing onetime. take over for him, and finish him off. Then maybe next time you will be able to finish him off manually all by yourself. and if it gets into his mind that he can get off with you
Welcome to the board, princess.
He could be having performance anxiety, he could have some issues with ED, and he could be spending a lot of time masturbating. Whatever the reason, focusing on it will probably make it last longer. Hopefully once you get into a regular routine of having sex (more frequency), things will change. If they don't, then perhaps talk to him about his masturbation habits.
Guys who masturbate a lot (or have been for a very long time) often have difficulty climaxing by other means. He can provide the right pressure and intensity, which he becomes accustomed to. Usually, if that's what's happening, a guy can retrain himself by not masturbating for a period of time (maybe a couple of weeks).
As for the porn, perhaps that's what he uses when he masturbates. If you enjoy porn, then let him bring some with him.
As Sakura said, none of this has to do with you or how he feels about you. Sex can be enjoyable for both partners without each climaxing every time. If he seems content to be finished without having had an orgasm, then you shouldn't take that on as your problem or goal. That is the sort of thing that puts too much emphasis on the climax, the focusing that can make the situation worse.
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Sakura, so true about the porn.
I know I enjoy watching it with my hubby from time to time, and even watch it on my own sometimes. It's never caused a problem in our relationship. There have been times when one or the other of us wasn't in the mood that it has actually helped get us in the mood.
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