Toys and More

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2008
Toys and More
4
Thu, 02-07-2008 - 3:58pm

This questions is really to married mothers. Do you use toys during any of your sexual times with your husband? If so what do you use and for what reasons. Also do you use them or pleasure yourself alone. My wife is very conservative when it comes to sex. Im not agressive at all and neither is she so most of the time we do a couple of basic positions. Now we have had a rough go of it lately where I have tried some different things but during one of them she didnt like it and I flat out lost my desire. Just wondering what others do.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Thu, 02-07-2008 - 7:04pm

I'm a married mother (married 28 years), our boys are grown now 23 and 25 but we've used toys and have engaged in all different kinds of sex from the time we were dating.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Fri, 02-08-2008 - 9:50am

Welcome to the board, nowherebound.

I'm a mom of 2 boys (15 & 12), and a step-mom to 2 kids who are adults now. I do use toys, but I didn't always feel comfortable doing so. I know that I had always associated sex toys with masturbation -- and masturbation was something that I wasn't comfortable sharing with my partner.

A lot has changed since my hubby bought me my first sex toy 10 or more years ago. I've become a lot more open and comfortable with all the aspects of my sexuality, and we have had a great time building our toy collection. Sometimes we use them together; other times I use them alone. He's not bothered by them in the least, nor with my use of them.

It can be really difficult changing the dynamics of your sexual relationship with your spouse. Most of us fall into ruts. Have you tried talking to her outside of the bedroom and letting her know that you want to spice things up? Maybe even refer her to the board -- she can get a lot of ideas and realize she's not "unusual" for trying new things. You could also try giving her a book, say for Valentines Day, that focuses on sex for couples, and particularly on the females satisfaction.

I also lead the board "Let's Talk Toys" here in the village. You might want to post there about ways to introduce toys -- or you might want to send the link to her so she can see just how popular they are. Here's the link:

http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rlsextoys

Keep posting and reading the information here. You'll come up with a ton of new ideas -- and you'll be able to keep us posted about how things are going for you.





iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2007
Fri, 02-08-2008 - 10:39am

I am married and the mother to 5 sons ages 5-14. We just started using toys. Been married 15 years almost and sex for us before a few months ago sounds sort of like yours..couple of positions and well for us it was quite infrequent.

I have suddenly received an extremely high sex drive and did try a few times to use the toys solo because my DH works a lot and has a stressful job so is not always wanting to have sex with me every night. Well it does nothing for me to use them solo. No satisfaction at all. But when I use them on myself while he is watching I have incredible orgasms. Right now we just have a small dildo and a vibrator that I really dont like at all. Its not shaped like a penis and very smooth so we are thinking I need a life like one. We also use different flavored lubes and we recently started watching adult films together. Again something I would have been appauled to some time ago. I started coming to ivillage seeking answers for something else when I saw the Lets Talk toys board and was curious. I also have a best friend who loves her toys and has many. Kind of got me curious so I asked DH what he thinks. We love them..but dont always use them because we do not want to get bored with them or become dependant on them.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2008
Fri, 02-08-2008 - 1:33pm

Hi nowherebound - First I'd like to say that your wife's decision to feel comfortable or not comfortable with "toys" probably has nothing to do with her motherhood.

SeductiveWoman

Live Life Vicariously!