sexually unsatisfied

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-14-2007
sexually unsatisfied
7
Thu, 03-13-2008 - 2:56pm

When you and your partner have sex, how much foreplay do you generally have before actual intercourse?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-03-2008
Thu, 03-13-2008 - 3:46pm

honey...that isn;t right.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Thu, 03-13-2008 - 4:33pm

Welcome to the board, browneyedmomma22.

Your guy could be selfish, or perhaps he's never had a lover show him or tell him what they need. Even at that, each person is different. Sex and orgasms for women are different than for men, and as Laura said, you should both be enjoying yourself.

Communication is very important, as is learning what works for you. There's a great website, www.the-clitoris.com, that really has a lot of detail. You should visit it -- and encourage him to visit it too.

We try not to be routine in our sex life. Because of that, foreplay, sex, all of it varies depending on our moods. Sometimes it's about both of us, sometimes it's just about one of us, and sometimes, we enjoy touching so much, neither of us even tries to have an orgasm.

Most men are going to be as much into their partners pleasure as they are their own. I would say the exceptions to that are men who are selfish, men who have partners that don't communicate well or are overly shy, or men who just don't know what they need to do. It's a huge turn on for them to help bring you that much pleasure!

When you talk to him, make sure you use "I" language, not "you" language. If you say "you get off too quick" it places blame on him .... if you say, "I need more time to orgasm", then he can look forward to helping you find ways. Both of you can enjoy experimenting with what works for you -- but you need to be really open with him by communicating your wants and needs. As far as him finishing too quickly, that is something that may bother him too, but it should be dealt with in a positive way if you want that to improve.

Here are a few articles that you might find helpful:

"My guy suffers from premature ejaculation" (Please, Squeeze, At Ease)
http://magazines.ivillage.com/cosmopolitan/experts/sexexpert/qas/0,,696792_705900,00.html
Written by Ian Kerner who has overcome this himself.

Speak Up! Ask Him for What You Want
http://love.ivillage.com/lnsproblems/lnscommunicate/0,,7ffztdxn,00.html

Get Through to Your Man: 5 Tips for Better Communication
http://love.ivillage.com/lnm/lnmgetcloser/0,,84s,00.html

Playing an active role in improving your sex life is something that both of you will benefit from. For a lot of guys, sex can be a lot of work, and face it, that can take some of the fun out of it. Make sure you do your part to keep your sex life exciting and fun. If you start taking some of the control there, then there's no way he'll be able to skip foreplay either.

Here are some articles that you might find helpful when you're trying to spice things up:

Better Sex, Easy as 1-2-3: 20 Tips Every Couple Should Know
http://love.ivillage.com/lnssex/sextechnique/0,,drruth_r9s4,00.html

Sex Toys Are Win-Win: A Guide for Men
Why guys shouldn't be intimidated by vibrators
http://love.ivillage.com/lnssex/sextaboos/0,,traceycox_8jmprmrf,00.html

5 Things That Can Ruin Your Sex Life (and how to avoid them)
http://love.ivillage.com/lnssex/sexconcerns/0,,traceycox_7slp2dh5,00.html

Banish Sexual Boredom
http://love.ivillage.com/lnssex/sexinthemood/0,,drpatti_1kkm,00.html

10 Things Good Girls Can Learn from Porn Stars
http://love.ivillage.com/lnssex/sextechnique/0,,9x7nhpjx,00.html

Keep us posted on how things are going, and feel free to ask more questions (or share your successes) as you encounter new things.





iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2008
Fri, 03-14-2008 - 5:04am

HI browney


hmmm I must say I totally agree with Laura's reply...this is not right!


it's nice to have a 'quickie' once in a while when you are both really turned on, but this is different;


with my present bf the foreplay is not that long as we are always so turned on by kissing and touching each other, but the actual IC lasts for ages, we mix fast and slow sex, have little breaks for more kissing, looking into each others eyes, stroking etc; we also change positions a lot and sometimes have some oral and manual stimulation too. normally the IC last about 1 hour or more, but on a couple of occasions we went for over 2 slow hours - it was wonderful. we also caress and stroke each other after we both come just to show a little tenderness to one another.


with my ex-husband was

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2007
Fri, 03-14-2008 - 10:00am
As far as advice, I can't really add to what's already been posted, but it definitely sounds like you need to have a serious conversation with your man. Every couple is couple is different in the way they do things, but if one partner isn't happy, it's not going to work as a whole. One of the things I love about DB is that I can talk to him about what I'd like him to do for me sexually, and I consider myself fortunate that he's comfortable telling me what he wants as well.

Since you asked the questions, I figure I'll go ahead and answer them, but keep in mind that my answers are typical for just me and my DB. We've found our own way of doing things that makes both of us happy and satisfies us.

When you and your partner have sex, how much foreplay do you generally have before actual intercourse?
It depends. It ranges anywhere from


-Sara-

expecting our rainbow baby in December, 2013

Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2006
Fri, 03-14-2008 - 4:35pm

I know.


ok, so you just gotta just do it. I actually would use DH's hand and masturbate myself with it to show him how to do it. I often give "commands" while intimate, things like, "touch me." "rub my nipples." "grab them hard." "rub softer." "rub harder." "faster" "slower". etc etc etc.


I've been married to DH for 5 years now and we still do this.


Maybe he knows how but doesn't know how important it is to you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Fri, 03-14-2008 - 5:21pm

When we make love, dh ALWAYS makes sure that I have "mine" first.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-26-2007
Fri, 03-14-2008 - 11:08pm
I feel your pain. Me and my fiance dont have hardly any foreplay either and it does get aggravating, but when we have sex he does make sure that he pleases me just as much as i please him. And just like you all it dont last long enough for me. Im sorry let me know if anything works for you.