He only tells me he loves me during sex

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2005
He only tells me he loves me during sex
2
Mon, 08-11-2008 - 1:43am

Dh and I have been married 13 years today. We have sex 1-2 times a week. This is the only time he shows affection towards me. He will tell me he loves me, and once even thanked me for being his wife (that one was waaay out of the blue!), but only when we are intimate and in bed. During the day, he doesn't tell me he loves me. When I complain that he isn't holding my hand or kissing me around the house, he just says that isn't him. He'll touch me sexually, like on my boob, but that's it. There is no "I love you" and a kiss on the cheek, unless we're in bed.

Is this odd? Do all men out there show affection towards their wives outside of the bedroom except my dh?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-20-2007
Mon, 08-11-2008 - 4:26am
No, you're not the only one who gets that kind of treatment. My first husband was the same way. There was never any kind of public display of affection. We never kissed or held hands or had our arms looped around each other's shoulders when we were in public. You know how several couples will all get together, say to watch a movie at someone's house, and one couple will sit on a couch with one of them having his/her head in the other person's lap and then another couple will snuggle up together in a loveseat and maybe another couple will sit on the floor and snuggle up? Whenever we went over to someone's house, my ex always made sure that we sat in separate seats, almost like he was afraid that if someone entered the room that he didn't want that person to know that we were a couple. He very rarely told me he loved me. And he never, ever called me any pet names: no "honey" or "sweetie" or "babe." He always called me by my given name. I never asked him why he was so cold to me. I assumed that was his way. So your DH isn't the only man like that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Mon, 08-11-2008 - 9:09am

Welcome to the board, bethnrichmom.

I don't think your DH is the only man like this, but I do think you might be able to help him change a little. While he might not be into PDAs, simple things like a kiss goodbye when he's leaving for work, or a hug when he arrives home should be something that you can both work on incorporating into your routine. Once you get one thing tucked under your wing, you may be able to move forward from there.

Do you show him affection outside of the bedroom? If so, how does he respond to that?
















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