Inexperienced w/ an experienced BF

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2008
Inexperienced w/ an experienced BF
7
Thu, 08-14-2008 - 1:44pm
My boyfriend and I have been having sex for almost 5 months now, he is very experienced and knows exactly what he likes and dislikes. I, on the other hand, was a virgin and am still learning what I like. I'm willing to try anything at least once, but we only do what he likes. He doesn't like doggie style, he said he had a bad experience w/ oral so that's a no go (I've only given it to him once and that was the first night we were together, he has never given it to me), he is dead set against anal. He really isn't into foreplay. He's fingered me twice and that's it. I tried to introduce a toy, and he was okay with that for a few minutes then it was thrown to the side. He basically likes missionary and that's it. He lets me on top once in a blue moon, then we're quickly flipped over. He's actually really good about making sure I get what I want. He always tries to get me to orgasm once. I'm just a little bored w/ the same positions. When I tried to hint around for doggie style, he asked me w/ a your weird look on his face, "You really want it doggie style?" Which of course made me feel self conscious and I said no. I'm just wondering how can I get him to try new things w/out making him think that I'm bored w/ him. BTW, he doesn't know he was my first.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Thu, 08-14-2008 - 2:50pm

Welcome to the board!

The most important thing I would like to say to you is "confidence is sexy"! No matter how he looked at you, or looks at you in the future, stick to your own thoughts on things. Maybe instead of suggesting what the two of you do, you can show him, or lead the event. Or, when you say something about trying doggie style, if he replies like he did before, say something sexy back to him, even if it's "it couldn't hurt to try".

It sounds like he enjoys missionary, and is being a little selfish. Perhaps he's in a hurry to get to his goal? Most women do not have orgasms from intercourse alone, and we all like variety. Chances are, he would too if he gave it a chance. I think you're going to have to sit him down and talk to him about this. Maybe buy a book, or visit a site online that discusses sexual positions, or keeping sex fresh in a relationship. Also, the website www.the-clitoris.com is full of useful information about what women need to be sexually satisfied. When you do decide to talk to him about it, make sure that you are outside of the bedroom. Talk to him in "I" language and not "you" language. In other words, don't have a conversation that appears as if he is doing something wrong. That will likely make him shut down. Instead, talk about things that you would like to explore (I would like to try some new positions) or things you think you like to do (I would like to try oral again, is there something I can do to make it more appealing).

I think he may also have some issues. Perhaps he thinks it would be disrespectful to do doggy. Some traditions paint missionary as the ideal position, both respectful and intimate. If he does have some hang ups, it can take a while to break those away. You may need to work on slow changes, subtle differences. To start that process, remind him that it's just the two of you in the bedroom. No one is watching or judging, and what the two of you do is your own business. Let him know that you want to connect with him in different ways.

I fear that you're going to become too bored if you just let it pass in his hands. Here are a couple of articles that might be helpful in getting a conversation going.

Speak Up! Ask Him for What You Want
http://love.ivillage.com/lnsproblems/lnscommunicate/0,,7ffztdxn,00.html

5 Secrets of Getting a Man to Open Up
http://love.ivillage.com/lnsproblems/lnscommunicate/0,,saver_79jcxw99,00.html

Let us know how things go.









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Oral Sex ~ Bridesmaids




iVillage Member
Registered: 04-20-2008
Thu, 08-14-2008 - 3:09pm

Suggest you find a new BF that makes love to you instead of having sex with you.


DD

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Thu, 08-14-2008 - 3:19pm

He's "experienced" so he knows what he likes.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2007
Thu, 08-14-2008 - 4:09pm

Good advice from others.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2007
Thu, 08-14-2008 - 4:18pm

I was very inexperienced when I met my bf -- he's only my seecond lover.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-26-2007
Thu, 08-14-2008 - 10:29pm
Its sounds like he is just selfish. You need to sit him down and have a talk with him or its never going to change and then your going to get tired of it and find someone new. He needs to realize that he is not the only one in the bed. I dont know what to tell you about the oral sex, i have never heard of a guy not wanting a BJ. If your talk dont help then i would take the next step and buy a book and ask him to read it with you and try some of positions. Thats all i got except find a new man like some of the others said. Good luck babe.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2008
Fri, 08-15-2008 - 12:42am
Unfortunately I was ashamed. And you're right, I do fake it 70% of the time. The night he told me he had a bad experience, I tried to tell him that he needs to move on and try it w/ someone else, but that was blown off before I had the chance to get it out.

We do spice up missionary a little I suppose. He's kneeled, I've had my feet on his shoulders (although I don't care for that. I get a sharp pain in my stomach w/ that one), his most favorite position is him standing by the bed and me laying down. So, I guess missionary isn't his absolutely favorite.

And I don't know if he's opposed to blow-jobs, although he's never asked for one. I've only given him one, and I kinda felt like I was bad at it. But, I also kinda felt like he didn't think I was good at it. First time jitters? Maybe. Who knows. His bad experience came w/ giving.