Not enough sex

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2008
Not enough sex
11
Sun, 08-24-2008 - 9:04pm

I am new to this message board. I need some advise. I am a healthy fit 44 year old woman that lives with a 40 year old man. He only wants to have sex about once a month. I would like to have sex at least 3 or 4 times a week. I have asked him for more but he either laughs it off or says he is tired. I am thinking about sex all of the time. Probably because I am not getting much at all. I am starting to think about finding a lover to satisfy me. I have never believed in cheating but I am so unfulfilled. Does anyone have any advise?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
In reply to: dmiller39
Sun, 08-24-2008 - 9:21pm

Welcome to the board, dmiller.

When you say he laughs off your attempts to talk to him, have you really sat him down and had a serious conversation with him? When you talk with him, it should be outside of the bedroom, and it should be done in a way that doesn't put blame on him. Using "I" language instead of "you" language ... like "I need more sex" or "I would like us to be intimate more often".

It's easy for couples to get caught up in day-to-day life and sex can get put on the back burner. Sometimes when you're trying to reconnect and get back on track, it's helpful to set a schedule. I know it doesn't sound romantic, but it's a way that many have found their way back to a healthy sex life. Ask him if he would be willing to have a weekly date night with you, like maybe Saturday night.

If he doesn't seem receptive to the conversation, or having a night set aside for the two of you each week, then I would suggest counseling to him. The two of you can see a therapist together and see if you can come up with a compromise that works for both of you.







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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-24-2008
In reply to: dmiller39
Sun, 08-24-2008 - 9:26pm
Thanks for the suggestion. I have been thinking of asking him for one night a week. I guess I am just afraid of being turned down. I don't know why he doesn't want more sex. When we do have sex he always makes sure I'm satisfied and I satisfy him too. I just can't live with once a month.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
In reply to: dmiller39
Sun, 08-24-2008 - 9:46pm

A lot of couples go through changes in their relationships. Sometimes one or the other partner does want sex more often than the other has interest in.

Was there a time when you were both equal in your desire? If so, can you think of anything that has changed since then?







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Oral Sex ~ Bridesmaids









iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2008
In reply to: dmiller39
Sat, 08-30-2008 - 10:03am

I am a 43yr old female. I live with my partner who is 32! I seem to have exactly the same problem and it has been driving me crazy. I have began to wonder if perhaps its our age. We seem to be both goinin through a heightened sexual need. I have suggested to my partner that any man would give his high teeth to have a horny female at home, but he has talked to many work mates and this doesn't seem to be the case.


I find imagination and a clitoral stimulator can releve the intense 'desire' but I still love the real thing. I find I have to be patient. Everyone has a time of day that they find more interesting and I try to 'catch' him at this point. Sex is not restricted to the bedroom or evening/night. If you have any experiences you would like to share or questions you would like to ask, I would be more than willing to share.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
In reply to: dmiller39
Sat, 08-30-2008 - 3:19pm

Hello again, Jayfay.

I've read most of your posts here, and seeing that you're 43, I wonder if you're not experiencing what many of us here have in that age bracket. You'll find that several of the female members here have become nearly insatiable in their 40s! Even with our long-term partners, we're finding that we're worse than a bunch of 17 year old boys, LOL.

Stick around. I think you'll like it here!







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Oral Sex ~ Bridesmaids










iVillage Member
Registered: 10-15-2006
In reply to: dmiller39
Sat, 08-30-2008 - 5:43pm

we're finding that we're worse than a bunch of 17 year old boys, LOL.


The sex drive of a 17yo boy combined with the experience,

Mrs P

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-29-2008
In reply to: dmiller39
Sat, 08-30-2008 - 6:21pm
IMO the sex drive of a 17 year old "boy" combined with the confidence, experience. etc. of any of several of the 40+ year old women on this board (you and Misty cum to mind for starters) could result in enough energy to realyy light up the night!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2008
In reply to: dmiller39
Mon, 09-01-2008 - 11:33am
Well I'm definitely in that category. I work in schools and have just had 5 weeks off. Have had far to much time to think about things. That reminds me I need a new battery LoL
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-09-2006
In reply to: dmiller39
Mon, 09-01-2008 - 12:08pm
I had your problem all my married life nearly 15 years! I told, explained, discussed, begged, pleaded, prayed, quarreled, argued. I also dieted, worked out, played the part of anyone, tried everything imaginable, cooked, cleaned, pampered, dressed up, dressed down, bought toys, wigs, costumes, heels, did sweetness, kindness, patience for months on end, even suggested (to his horror!) a FMF threesome, and was always rejected, humiliated, refused, and hurt for my wifely pains. Have you tried doing these things? Your boyfriend may just need to be told for him to turn around, but if he needs more of a nudge than rational talk, why not go to a sex counselor? It might save time, even though it might cost money.
Cunégonde
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2007
In reply to: dmiller39
Mon, 09-01-2008 - 12:14pm

Off topic....


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