living together and amount of sex
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living together and amount of sex
| Sun, 08-31-2008 - 2:12pm |
I started living with my boyfriend about 3 and a half months ago and we have been together for almost 2 years.

Welcome to the board, Ampak.
It's not uncommon for relationships to go through changes as they become more "comfortable". What I'm reading in your post is that his expectations are different than your own -- but that doesn't necessarily mean that either of you is right or wrong. You just have different views. Finding a way to discuss them and reach a compromise would be the first step. If he's not willing to do that, they you have a bigger problem on your hands.
Compromise doesn't mean that it's all about what you want, or all about what he wants. One of the things you could do to compromise for him is to have a nap after work. That way, when he arrives home, you're not so tired and unavailable. I'm not saying that should be everyday or a mandatory thing, but something you could try to do so that you are doing your part of the compromise. Another thing you could try is having sex in the morning, when you wake up. It sounds like he's probably able to sleep in well after you have gone about your daily duties. Instead of you always having to be the one to forfeit your rest, he could forfeit a bit this way.
It sounds to me as if the two of you are not communicating very well. Since he is focusing (what seems like) all of his concerns on sex, you are feeling as if that is the most important thing about your relationship to him. In most relationships, there is a difference of libido between the partners. It's obvious that his is higher than yours. I don't feel that's something you can blame him for, or read more into it than it is. I also don't think the tension about it will go away until the two of you are able to openly discuss it and figure out what will work to make the best of things for both of you. Instead of having him feel rejected, if you discuss your needs in an open conversation (outside of the bedroom when sex isn't on the table), then the two of you can try to work through this. Make sure when you talk with him, you let him know what YOU need instead of what you feel he isn't doing.
Examples would be to say "I would like us to spend more time just enjoying each others company" or "I really enjoy when we chat about our day". If you say something like "You just want to get down to business" or "It doesn't seem like these things are important to you," then he's likely to shut down.
As far as the vacation that you're taking. Why does he feel that you won't be able to have sex? Is your family making it impossible for the two of you to share a room? There are a lot of creative ways to have sex, and they can actually put a lot of sparks into a relationship. Things like using the floor instead of the bed, or meeting up in the bathroom ... having a night out for just the two of you and taking advantage of a car. When there is a will, there is a way ... but it takes effort on both of your parts. Now, it may be that he isn't comfortable staying with your family, or he sees too many obstacles. In that case, you might need to compromise. If you can afford a hotel, and it truly is that important to him (and lots of people just need their own space), then that might be what makes the trip the most enjoyable for both of you.
What won't work in a relationship is for one of the partners to have to do all of the compromising. You both have to want things to be smooth, and respect the differences that you have. If that can't be done, then you'll just be in a repeat cycle throughout your relationship.
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