low libido+no explanation?????????

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2007
low libido+no explanation?????????
5
Fri, 09-05-2008 - 2:00am
so im 22 now and ive been with my bf for, of-an-on 3yrs.(3 break-ups lasted at most 3 weeks) hes the only guy i could ever even imagine myself having sex with, and im being completely honest here Literally the only one. that being said even b4 we got together i never really had a good libido. when we got together i was a virgin so i was curious about what sex was like and i knew that everyone else liked it, so when i knew i was in love with him for real we started having sex. i always felt like i built it up to b more intense than it could be in real life. oh, and YES i know for a fact that i have had orgasms, there's no real mistaking it lol. the thing that concerns me though is that even though he is a good lover and in 3 yrs i can probably only count the times i haven't "finished" on one hand i have no idea why my sex drive has never really kicked in?. i feel bad because he knows it. it hurts when he says he can tell for me sex is more like a chore than something fun we can do together. so now i guess im just wondering if im the only one that feels this way and doesnt have an easy explanation (like just having a baby or menopause)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2004
Fri, 09-05-2008 - 7:55am

Have you talked to your gynecologist about your lack of

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Fri, 09-05-2008 - 8:56am

If you think sex is a "chore"......then you're thinking wrong.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Fri, 09-05-2008 - 9:24am

Welcome to the board, Ida.

I think the other members have already given you some great ideas. I would definitely talk to the doctor about it, because there could be a relatively easy fix there.

What sorts of things make you feel sexy or aroused? Perhaps focusing on those things a bit more will be helpful too -- like a build up for the main event. Doing things like wearing nice undergarments, pampering yourself with a nice bubble bath, reading romance novels, etc. can help to keep you thinking positively about sex.

Do you masturbate? That's a great way to build your sex drive too. It allows you to experiment with your own body and to develop fantasies. During masturbation, you can think about you past experiences, or you can imagine some new ones. Taking those memories back to partnered sex can bring a new spark there as well.





iVillage Member
Registered: 12-08-2007
Mon, 09-08-2008 - 1:22am

thanks to all of u guys for messaging me back i think that i do need to talk to a doc. i just need to word my frustration correctly cause i have tried to explain my situation to my PCP b4 but they don't really seem to think its important. maybe a gyno will be more helpful. I'm not on any BC or any other prescription/OTC drugs that can cause sexual side effects. as little as I'm in the mood now when i was on BC it was worse + i had some other hormonal side effects that we decided we couldn't live with.

i have tried to make it more about his pleasure a few times cause it IS a turn on to know hes getting excited because of me, but i never felt turned on enough to get a significant physical response(i don't get wet just from being turned on, usually its got more to do with the time of the month rather than physical stimulation) anyway he got worried and figured the reason was that i didn't want to have sex with HIM and it made him insecure. i guess he thought either i was getting it somewhere else or that i was repulsed by him or something else absurd like that. he can think a bit dramatic hes got his own baggage, and he usually picked cheaters b4 me, but I've never been with anyone else and i never want to. I've told him so in more than one way. anyway that didn't work cause i found myself trying to explain the logic to him every time as well as the fact that it wasn't making me want to more often just more in the moment. i know that sex is about intimacy not orgasms the reason i even mentioned it was because every time I've tried to explain the situation people just assume i don't want to because I've never experienced a real orgasm. like they cant wrap their head around the idea that a person could have one and still not want to have sex. that just makes me feel even stranger and kinda reinforces the idea that there's something wrong with me.

as for masturbation, i have only finished once or twice from clitoral stimulation alone, usually its just too intense a feeling that way and it hurts. only one of those times was masturbation, which is so frustrating cause he's better at it than i am! its like when u cant tickle yourself i guess. idk if i even finished the time i did it. its not a competition or anything but i think it would b nice if on the off chance i wanna do something (and he live 100 miles away right now) i wanna have the same options as he does. so we could at least have phone sex untill the weekend.

anyway i appreciate the feed back. its nice to be able to say this stuff to ppl u dont know if that makes any sense.

oh yeah one more ? how often do u guys want to have sex? (just wondering if maybe im not the one with the libido issue)

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Mon, 09-08-2008 - 1:52am

The "average" for married people (or those who just live together) is about 3x a week.