intimacy issues--anyone with advice
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| Sat, 09-06-2008 - 5:27pm |
Hi everyone,
Here's what my girlfriend and I are stuck on. Were about 11 months into our relationship. For the first 7 months or so we were having sex about once a day. Now its dropped off considerably though that sort of thing is typical. Lately though its at a stand still. She loves my companionship and loves to hold, hug and kiss me but she says that she she doesn't know whats wrong with her but she she doesn't feel comfortable with having any sort of sexual activity with her body. There was an incident in her past where she was kidnapped for a short time and sexually molested. This I'm sure has at least something to do with it. It happened to her when she was a young teen and she said she didn't feel comfortable, and almost felt attacked for years after that if men tried to be physical with her. We just moved and don't have alot of money or health coverage currently. I think she should see a psychiotrist but neither of us can afford it right now. I think it would be healthy for her to do in the future...but for now I was hoping to get some feedback from people that might have gone through a similar thing. She also has a hard time finding self confidence and comfort. It seems like we could get back to our old sexual feelings since we had a great sex life for a long time, I just miss it and want to know if there are any suggestions on how to get us back there. Thank you

What I am confused about is that for the first 7 months of the relationship she seemed to be fine with sexual activity.
Her past trauma
It possible something triggered her but it doesn't necessarily mean that anything going on now triggered her old emotions.
Welcome to the board, outdoorodessy.
It's great that you're trying to find support for her. It's fairly common for those scars to resurface. I'm not personally familiar with all the help lines or the places she might be able to turn to for help, but here are a couple of other boards that might be able to offer you advice on those:
Sexual Abuse
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-bhsexabuse
Crisis Center: Rape & Suicide
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/iv-rlcrisis
Both of those boards have terrific CLs. You might even want to suggest that your GF visit them.
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