I'm afraid of women

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2008
I'm afraid of women
18
Sat, 09-13-2008 - 12:39pm

When I was little I had surgery for a hypospadia...basically it's a "dick operation".

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-18-2008
Sat, 09-13-2008 - 1:02pm

Not sure how I would handle this if I was a guy but I can tell you that when, not if, you are with a woman and you have a connection emotionally and treat her well and the relationship continues to the point where you are intimate, it is NOT all about the penis.


I, as a woman, would appreciate an honest discussion of your selfconsciousnes about it BEFORE we hit the sack. Show confidence in your ability to still please her sexually. There are MANY ways to do that WITHOUT a penis-or with one that is "not perfect". Heck I have a way less than perfect body and my dh still loves the pleasure we can give to each other with it.


I hope this helps. Bottom line, focus on what great person you are- the whole package-not one part!!!



a703ae1df512b5d340d434ef17adbc85.jpg Liv with vibe picture by livingproof123


1,001 Sexcapadesgreatsex2.gif I had 1000 picture by livingproof123

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Sat, 09-13-2008 - 4:16pm

Welcome to the board, brockhammer.

The advice Liv gave you is right on the money!

I'm married to a man that had a great deal of emotional baggage when we met. It caused him problems in the bedroom -- but it never stood in our way! We've been together 18 years now, and the sex is only getting better!!!!!

I think if you talk about it, it might help you to feel less self-conscious, but on the flip side of that, it might set you up for guaranteed failure. Insecurity, in either partner, is not a turn on. If the emotional connection is there, then there will be patience for the physical shyness to work itself out.





iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Sun, 09-14-2008 - 8:47am

I agree with the others.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2008
Sun, 09-14-2008 - 4:12pm

It appears some females have responded and, well, I think people on this board are fairly nice and from what I've read and they've offered some reasonable advice. Now I'll offer you my perspective as a male based on my personal experiences.

We all get rejected and isn't it what this post is all about? You are not alone here. It's a fact of life we all just have to get used to. It doesn't matter what you have to offer, there's someone out there who doesn't want it and if you just happen to pick that person, well, then you get rejected.

I'm not a big believer in the size doesn't matter if she loves you line. Or, perhaps, my interpretation is different. Of course it matters. You don't lose your preferences when you fall in love with someone. It, simply, doesn't work that way. Now, the good news is 85% ( of course I just made that number up, but that would be my guess based on my experiences ) of the women out there won't reject you for it, but their preferences won't change.

And you said to be honest and it's my honest belief that the more you fall outside what generally accepted, the harder you're going to have to work. And I'm strictly talking in terms of a numbers game. Let me give you an example. Let's take two men, Brad Pitt and Marty Feldman. If you don't know who these people are, you can look them up. I would venture a guess and say it's generally accepted that Brad Pitt is the better looking man. As a result, it's probably going to be easier for him to find a woman. It's certainly not impossible for Marty to find a woman, but he's going to have to advertise a little more.

My personal experience has been, women *DO* have preferences in penises. Women *WILL* judge you on it, but most women wont' make it a deal breaker.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Mon, 09-15-2008 - 12:14am

As I said, men worry about it a lot more than women do!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2008
Mon, 09-15-2008 - 4:02am

Thanks guys(girls)


I really appreciate the responses.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2008
Mon, 09-15-2008 - 5:37am

You are overthinking and stressing about your situation too much.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2007
Mon, 09-15-2008 - 6:47am
"And I could be wrong about this...but it seems to me that the FIRST TIME with a woman, she kinda just wants intercourse...kinda like "kicking the tires" so to speak. It's almost as if her own pleasure is secondary to her just seeing if everything is "okay". This could be my own issue, so if I'm wrong about that please tell me."



I think that you're wrong about this ..... Chances are more likely that she's trying not to be too aggressive or she's feeling insecure in her own ways. Intercourse is a way that she can be intimate with you without exposing too much of herself. I know intercourse is intimate, but it can be "basic". Lying in a missionary position and letting a guy have intercourse with you is far less revealing than stripping down to your corset and cracking a whip.



"I start thinking she's disappointed in me. I feel like she's angry. I feel like she's venting about my performance to everyone. I feel like she wishes she were with someone else. I feel like she wasn't satisfied. I feel cursed...being "small" OR having performance issues is bad enough...but BOTH!!!!! I feel like a bright shiny car with no engine. I feel like I failed her."



It could be that she's a shallow person who is angry and disappointed in you, but it's more likely (IMO) that she's wondering what went wrong -- and she's feeling like whatever it was, it must have been her fault. She doesn't know you well enough to read you, and your own excuses and avoidance of getting physical with her have made her wonder if you are judging her, or not sure about her, or thinking she doesn't look the way you would like her too. She is thinking that you are not aroused because of her.





iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2006
Mon, 09-15-2008 - 8:05am

You're definitely over-thinking this too much. You don't know what she's thinking if you don't call again. You're just stressing yourself out. She may be thinking the same things. Call and give her a chance. None of us are perfect.

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28999825.jpg picture by nhgal2006

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-12-2006
Mon, 09-15-2008 - 9:23am

Ok, Brock.

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