I need a woman's perspective
Find a Conversation
| Mon, 09-15-2008 - 5:43pm |
I am in a relationship in which we love each other deeply. Our sex life is extremely active with making love usually two or more times a day. We explore and share in a vast variety of sexual activities and are very spontaneous with our sexual intimacy.
My partner experiences orgasm with me, but not as frequently, or as intense, as she did with her previous partner. She would often experience intense multiple orgasms each time she was intimate with her previous partner through hand stimulation and intercourse. He was also larger than I am by length and together, they did not explore or participate in many of the intimate activities that we share.
My partner claims that the love making between us is much better because of the love shared and the way way in which I love her. However, she also claims that she enjoyed the sexual pleasure experienced with her previous lover better than the pleasure we share. Although, she says that she would rather make love with me, and that the experience with her previous partner doesn't matter and that our sexual experience is better because of our love.
It bothers me that my partner enjoyed, and was physically sexually pleasured more with her previous partner over what we share. I feel that if I am the man she loves, and the man she wants to marry, that it should be me that she finds to be most pleasured with sexually along with the love we share. I also feel she is holding back with me because of other personal issues involving the acceptance of her children, and the fact that she feels she has finally found a love that is true and real.
Any opinions would be greatly appreciated.

Welcome to the board, blueskysunshine.
They best advice I can give you is to stop trying to compare yourself to her previous lover(s). No two people are the same. If you insist on making her tell you whether you're better than a past lover, and then you are hurt by her honest response, you're going to end up making her uncomfortable. You're also going to set yourself up for her to be dishonest with you, and it could cause a lot of damage to your relationship.
I can't even image why the two of you are discussing this to begin with. Many people discuss their past sexual experiences, but it doesn't need to go into detail. It's really not necessary for her (on any level or for either of your benefit) to tell you that a prior lover was better at pleasing her.
Sexual pleasure happens in many forms. As you said, the two of you are experiencing new and different things. Perhaps her body hasn't gotten totally in sync with that, or maybe she's not sure how much she enjoys those things. In most relationships, the sex continues to improve the closer the two people become. It takes time and a willingness to please each other. Being focused on the past, for either of you, will only serve to keep a distance between you.
Click a Blinkie!
Happy at Home ~ Have Hotter Sex/Ask Laura Corn
First of all - HOW do you know anything about her orgasms with her exes?
I can't figure out why ANY woman would share that information with her partner.
The physical side of the relationship matters as well as the emotional side. I know some people aren't a big fan of this, but she has her preferences. At least that's the way it seems from your post. Her preferences, obviously isn't a deal breaker, at least for her.
You could make the argument that taking both emotional and physical side of the relationship, you are the better one. But focusing on the physical side, you may not fair as well.
I'm not sure how this information was exposed, but I think her offering this information is a bad idea. However, if you asked for this information then I say she was right to give it.
Now that you have this information, you have to decide what to do. You are not going to change her preferences, so you'll have to live with not being her physical preference.
If being her physical preference is that important to you, then you'll likely need to move on.
MOO